[mcmama]

My sons have attended several private schools over the years. The first school they attended was very specific in its dress code - length of skirts, types of shoes and heels for girls, types of shirts and pants for boys - and jacket and tie were required for boys from 4th grade and up. I found this easy enough to accomodate for the boys, as there were good clothing deals through Lands End, and they received hand me downs in good condition. I liked that it taught them to get dressed to get down to the business of school. Mothers of girls found it more difficult, since so much in the stores was really inappropriate - at one point it was almost impossible to find something that did not bare the midriff unless it was really button down preppy dressy.

In seventh grade, they aged out of this school and went to another private school with a much looser attitude and dress code. It was an adjustment. The dress code at the current school allows jeans, sneakers, sweats, etc, no one wears jackets and ties. Just the clothing cannot be ripped, and questionable slogans cannot be on the t shirts. However I have seen questionable "double meaning" sexually suggestive slogans on some intramural team shirts, and no one says boo. My son wears a wool fedora most days (think Bear Bryant, Frank Sinatra), and a few teachers have made him take it off in class, which I support. On the days he wears a doo rag, no one seems to mind.

There are a lot of reasons my kids don't attend the local public school, dress is not one of them. The public school has made rules from time to time about wearing baseball hats backwards, doo rags, t shirt slogans. At one point students were discouraged from wearing leather jackets - because other students would try to steal them or cut them up. I think they struggled with rules about how low your baggy pants can hang down. In the 80s there were rules about tying your shoes and wearing your clothing backwards. One of our neighboring districts has banned gang colors on all clothing. I doubt you can really enforce that.

Dress with adolescents is a pretty fluid thing - styles change. Seems like if you get too specific about what's not allowed in a more relaxed atmosphere, someone finds a way around it.

Does your school have a dress code that works (not uniforms, dress code)? What are the challenges? Should faculty and administration be able to make decisions about attire on a case by case basis?

[twinzplus3]

Our schools have uniforms (public schools) but they can't make them mandatory (which begs the question. . .what's the point). However, I think for these kids, uniforms and the idea that you dress for success is an important idea to convey.

[jadis]

I think some school dress codes are downright ridiculous- no jeans? no sweats? no logos on shirts? SERIOUSLY?!

I went to a uniform catholic school (UGH- but I'm not bitter for the 5 years of completely useless and condescending religion classes)- we would have "dress down" days about twice a month, which meant we didn't have to wear our uniforms (which consisted of kilts or black pants, white button down shirts, and vneck sweaters). The only things that weren't allowed were bare midriffs, excessively short skirts or tube tops.

I think that dressing is a way that kids can show their individuality and creativity- I think that by making everyone dress the same is basically saying "you must look like everyone else to be successful"- which is just wrong. I can see preventing girls from looking like prostatots/kinderwhores, or not allowing offensive t-shirt slogans....but no SWEATS?! This is especially ridiculous considering that if you go to any random university class about a quarter of the students will be wearing them (if I'm comfortable I will be able to concentrate better). I don't think I would ever be able to send Norah to a school that required a shirt and tie- they are only kids for a limited time, I don't need my daughter dressing like a mini-adult at age 10. That, and it reinforces the idea that in order to be successful you must have the type of job that requires a shirt and tie/must look a certain way. What about creative "out of the box" jobs? Or blue collar jobs? Hell, I can count on one hand the number of University profs I have had that have actually worn a shirt and tie to class- most wear comfortable/casual clothes (at least in the social sciences).

[twinzplus3]

Yes well here, creative out of the box job means selling drugs on the corner or wiping windshields on the highway. So while I see your point, I gotta say as someone who has taught in the inner city--I see it a little differently.

My students (well, okay I homeschool now--and we have pajama day. . .) need something to raise the expectations for them. It's a whole mentality thing. So good teaching, actually giving them books to handle, encouraging them to dress like they're going somewhere, and insisting that they speak with grammatically correct English . . .it really does have a profound affect on how they carry themselves. It's a way of instilling pride and while I suppose one could make the argument that perhaps that's the wrong thing to have pride in. . .I'm not one to argue with something that works.

OTOH, I guess this thread really wasn't about inner cities so I'll get off my soap box and just say that I think for some kids, the experience of wearing a uniform is a good thing. However, I definitely have no dress code for my own kids. . .in fact Meghan is wearing a purple princess outfit and Liz has often sported pink hair in the past. (And yep, there are hsing families out there who do.) UGH

[mcmama]

Yeah, purple hair got someone in trouble at my kids school a few years ago (the one that allows sweats). But since they had allowed pink hair for someone else, the parents challenged it and won. I think consistency is the key.

My kid is the out of the box thinker at his school - which is why the faculty eventually decided to ignore the fedora.

[mcmama]

The dress code for the first school isn't everyone's liking, but it does serve a purpose.

My godson has applied to the Wharton School of Business, at U. Penn. It's a very long shot academically and financially. But this is the future he sees for himself, and the networking there is like no where else. And there are a lot of out of the box thinkers there too, which is why the business school is so good.

Well, I looked up the Penn Club in NYC, which is the world he sees himself entering once he succeeds in college. Dress code. Big time. Comfortable, sure, collared shirts, etc. But dress code. And that boy is going to have a lot to learn about what is "casual". He's never been in a place where it was that specific. But I think he will do fine.

We were lucky to receive financial assistance for the first school - but there are many families there for whom this sort of thing is expected. We joke about having had a great opportunity to see how the other one tenth of one percent lives. But we have learned a lot from this experience and these expectations.

By requiring kids to dress casual neat - and that means sport jackets and ties sometimes - you communicate an expectation that there are places where you succeed where expectations of dress have to be met. So when they find the places in corporate culture where things are more relaxed, they enjoy it - but they know to not expect it everywhere.

[sfharper]

I remember holding sit ins to have the right to wear jeans instead of dresses to school and attending a Catholic school where dress was mandatory. I like the creative expression but I liked more having comfortable reasonable clothing. Now days, the local schools just limit the outrageous--neckline, short lengths etc. School is about learning and one thing children do learn is how others treat them related to what they wear. Sheri

[mollymae]

In Britain all schools have a mandatory uniform. Nothing really dressy but all the kids look smart. My Little ones wear Black Skirt/Trousers, White Shirt/Blouse and a Navy Blue Sweatshirt/Cardigan. Jack wears the same only with a black blazer and tie. It takes all the worry out of having to organise outfits daily and its a great leveller at school. The kids are wearing the same so really there is no bullying concerning clothes, money or status. I'm happy with the way it works here.

[jadis]

<<<The kids are wearing the same so really there is no bullying concerning clothes, money or status.>>>

I respectively disagree with this- in my uniform highschool there was just as much taunting in regards to what people wore as there was in my non-uniform middle school. People would tease others for what shoes they wore (yes- even when black or brown with no heels were required), what state their uniform was in, the way they wore their hair, makeup they did or did not wear, etc. That, and no matter what clothing rule they institute, there will always be children for one reason or another that are considered targets and will inevitably be teased- whether it's for clothing or something else. It became blatantly obvious which students had money and which did not- even if we all had to wear the same crappy clothes.

As for "gang affiliation" and socioeconomic issues- I think it's almost insulting that schools think they can fix it by "hey, wait a minute, let's force them to wear geeky drab clothing"- because that will TOTALLY not mean that they aren't selling/using drugs, or that there isn't a gun in their bookbag. I think there are so many bigger issues that need to be addressed, and clothing is SO far down on that list. Teaching proper english (and expecting people to speak using proper english)- yes, that's important because it's an actual subject. Fashion and dress 101, last time I checked was not. I guess I kind of think that it's A) promoting the idea that if you look a certain way that you MUST be a dealer, user, gang-banger, etc. I live in a low socio-economic area (in fact I had recently moved from one ghetto to another), and the majority of kids who wear baggy jeans, big jackets, etc., do so because they feel it's "style". I'm sure some of them are up to no good (hence the shooting across the street from me last week), but feel it's unfair to then assume on looks that they are ALL up to no good- or that their actions are somehow related to dress. I just feel that schools only institute stuff like that as a surface move to pretend that they are "doing something" about the problems their students are facing.

This is also coming from someone who would be very sad if her daughter got a job that necessitated wearing boring business wear every day. Funny, most parents would be thrilled if their kid got into business school.....I would be shaking my head wondering where I went wrong!

[mcmama]

I think the neighboring school is having a problem with what they are looking for with colors. But gang violence and affiliation are a serious problem there, and clothing is code. So they are right to control it where they can.