[DianeRay]

That time has come. My step daughter has her learner's permit and has begun lessons with her father.
I'm against it for a variety of reasons, but, it's none of my business and I've kept my opinions to myself.
However, when it comes to the use of the cars... that's where I feel I have a right to voice my opinion, or do I?
Dad has a car (it's a small pick-up truck) and Mom has a car (a mid-size). So with that, I don't think my car should come into play here. Am I selfish to ask that she not have access to my car? Either to learn or to drive when she does get her license? Am I being the evil step-mother?
The matter hasn't come up yet, but I expect it to any day now. I have the impression she doesn't enjoy driving the pick-up.
I do see a day when Mom and Dad will be gone with their respective cars and daughter will ask to use mine. That's why I wish to state my case right from the start and make it clear that this is between Mom, Dad and daughter Period.

[ruthann8]

Originally Posted by DianeRay

Am I selfish to ask that she not have access to my car? Either to learn or to drive when she does get her license? Am I being the evil step-mother?

Possibly…..Why don’t you want her to use your car? I guess in my opinion you married her dad and everything else that comes with. You are a family and this is a family decision. When I was a teenager I drove my mom’s live in boyfriend’s car. My mom got remarried when I was out of high school and her husband lets me use his truck when I need it. And he has driven our vehicle many times. We are a family. As long as you are married to her father she is not going to go away and unless you have a valid reason it may put a strain on your long term relationship with her. You have got to have reason other than she is your step daughter.

[QueenAngie]

Need to make certain that which ever she drives, there is auto insurance coverage.

Family is family.

Is your car brand new? I personally do not believe in giving a new driver the use of a brand new car. Dents and dings can accidently occur.

[ruthann8]

Yes, make sure she is covered under insurance!

You need to have a talk with your dh and set some rules. Like always wear your seatbelt, how late she can drive (set a curfew), and for what reasons she can take the car (work, school, run to the store, etc.), and when using it for recreation how long (so many hours). My mom always told me if I got a ticket she wouldn't let me drive anymore. My mom supplied the car but I had to pay for gas and any insurance above 50$. I also had to pay for repairs when needed. But there were a couple of times the repairs were extensive so she helped out. I finally saved enough money to purchase my own vehicle and "my" old car was passed on to my little brother. With car use comes responsibilities.

There was one car that was the car I drove and only if it wasn't available did I drive another. My mom didn't want me making a mess out of her car (I was a messy teenager ) But I was allowed to use it when "my" car was in need of repair (which was ALL the time)! My mom's past boyfriend and her current husband have always had trucks. I was terrified to drive them and only used them if I needed a truck.

My mom made me learn on a manual. I dove once and then never again until drivers training almost 2 years later!

[ruthann8]

Driving teenagers are just as scary to biological parents as to step parents. The feelings you are having are normal. But you are going to have work through it. It is just not between mom, dad, & daughter. It is between all family members even siblings. Just teach her to be a responsible driver and you may be pleasantly surprised and in the long run will end up trusting her driving abilities. A few years from now, or maybe many years, it probably won't even phase you when she asks you if she can borrow your car.

I sometimes come across a little strong b/c I am the child of a blended family. My father had a long time live in girlfriend that was the evil step mom. My mom was the rule maker and she stood by her rules. Your husband is going to have to be a rule maker and needs to stand by the set rules!! Sometimes I think dads lack the ability to stand by there rules for fear there children won't like them and that leaves the step mom to be the mean rule maker. And dads don’t think things like making you bed or putting you dishes away as important and it leaves you constantly nagging at them to do this things! I believe there has been studies that show kids respect step dads more than step moms! If you ever have a questions I would be glad to give you a step kids point of view.

[Samual]

I don't see any problem with your step child driving your car, denying a teenager any responsibility isn't exactly productive in my opinion. I've been driving my parents cars since I was 13, as you can see I've not killed myself!

[mcmama]

But sam, what did you do to their car? Thats the big question.

My kids are licensed drivers, on their own, and I hesitate to let them drive my Toyota. I love my kids. I love my Toyota. I'd just rather the two not meet, except in the passenger seat.

Having gone through both of them learning to drive, you have my sympathy. Sounds to me like you want a car for yourself, and that is fine.

Where's the mom in all this? I had to really kick my ex very hard to get him to take on any driving practice.

[Samual]

I didn't do anything to the car, I had my first car accident a couple of years ago, which wasn't my fault as the man behind me was driving very close to the back of my car and one his mobile phone, so he couldn't stop in time and went into us.

[mollymae]

Were you driving on the roads Sam?

Kids here can't hold a Driving license till they are 17 and most cars are manual stick shift type.

[Samual]

Originally Posted by mollymae

Were you driving on the roads Sam?

Kids here can't hold a Driving license till they are 17 and most cars are manual stick shift type.

No, my parents have their own land with private roads in Lincs, they are a public right of way though so open to all through traffic.