[For little Elza]

Hello. I am a mom of 3 girls, aged 13, 2, and 1. My 2 year old is non-verbal and enjoys seclusion, being alone, and has very odd play patterns. I can classify her as very bright, interesting to watch, and beautiful. Her behaviors are at best solitary and calm, busy with her own things... or overstimulated and upset, throwing things, and yelling in a mono-tone pitch.

She has many, many allergies, including milk. She has limited herself to a complete diet of starch. She refuses almost all fruits except canned peaches and pears (low sugar), and fresh bananas. She used to eat potatoes, now it is rare. She likes chicken, sometimes. She used to eat fish but does not anymore. Loves peanut butter and bread. Loves her bottle with Soymilk.

Everything is all consuming with her... measuring her environment to avoid negative reactions, being consistent, and also trying to keep my relationships going with my other 2 girls. The babies' father is on a life vacation, who knows what to say about that anymore - he is out of state and they are not on his mind.

So, in all of this, we have our 1st home visit from AZ Early Intervention on Tuesday. A developmental specialist/caseworker and speech therapist will be coming to our house to evaluate DD.

In the meantime, my cousin has just moved in with her 2 year old daughter to help. Her daughter has many behaviors that really upset DD and sometimes cause her to become very agitated and upset. I do not feel that having my cousin's child over at the time of the interview would be good for DD.

I feel like it is already nerve-wracking enough, having to face a possible developmental delay with my DD. But I don't want the focus of the interview being me correcting my niece for hitting, snatching, or overstepping boundaries.

Can anyone give me any advice on a) how to approach my cousin about my wishes for the interview to be with DD only; and b) any general "Head up" or advice for a 1st interview with early intervention???? HELP!?!

[MommyDee]

I have no advice on a first meeting with early intervention, but I think your cousin will understand. Don't make it about her DD -- just tell her that you need it to be you, Jaunie, and the workers so that you can better focus on the situation at hand. Maybe even ask her if she can take the other girls out of the house for you while the interview is taking place? That way no feelings are hurt, and you can also ask the workers for advice on how to handle Jaunie's reactions to her cousin's behavior.

s to you hun... hang in there and let us know how it goes.

[ljb]

Don't stress over the first visit with EI. We had EI consult for DS. Our first visit was just the information gathering. It was just one case worker. The speech therapist and behaviour therapist came for the second visit. The first visit, she was more focused on what I was telling her than what DS was doing. I am sure she was making some notes on his actions, but it was more to figure out what evaluation I was asking for.

The visit with the therapists, was sorta weird. They sat down with him on the floor and of course, he was timid (around these people he didn't know). They brought a bucket of toys and certain activities, asked him to do things - puzzle type things, point to the cow, etc. (He was only 16 mos, so they asked him to do age appropriate things.) The one complaint I had about it was that it seems really rushed. 'Do this.' 'Ok, now can you do that?' Very quickly asking him to do the various activities. There is no need to stress at all. They are there to help and sounds like you are doing what you need to for your DD.

Good Luck!

[For little Elza]

Hello. DD has been evaluated at home and now qualifies for Early Intervention. We will be contacted soon (I hope) to find out when we will sit down and make up a plan (which is a legal document I was told???)

She was determined at present to have a 50% or greater delay in social emotional, communication, and adaptive skills for her age group. This was done through the state program, and now she is going to be picked up by the Blake Foundation/Easter Seals program. I think they will pay for the autism evaluation with the local Autism Awareness organization (they also provide services). We are also still on with a behavioral specialist pediatrician in January.

We saw our doctor on Friday and he was very supportive, and kind. He said a prayer for us. I don't know why, but when I told him the diagnosis at hand w/ Early Intervention, I just started to cry a little. I felt positive overall, and told him so... but it was hard to tell him, specifically that. It felt overwhelming. And then he said, "Its just exhausting. I hope you are getting some sleep and some help."

Truth is. I am not. My cousin and her daughter have way too many issues to be compounding the current troubles w/ DD. My girls are starting to hit. And since my 2 year old doesn't read social cues, now that my niece so much as approaches her, she is met with a shove.

I don't like to see this in my girls because they have been to 3 childcare providers in the past 6 months around other kids, and not once have I ever dealt with a complaint about either one of them hitting or shoving. They aren't biting yet, but I am scared this is a matter of time once they get bit a couple times more each.

I tried to confront my cousin about it by putting the emphasis on my DD's behavior. I said that I did not like to see that DD was hitting and I was very concerned because I have not had to deal with this kind of behavior yet. I said that I was concerned that when she watched the girls, that she basically was not being proactive, and letting the contact occur. I said that I can't have that because whoever is doing the hitting needs to be stopped before the contact occurs if the behavior is going to change.

I was met with super-defensiveness. Evidently, my kids always hit her DD and her DD is the victim my girls' brutality all the time, every day. I said that was not the issue, that I wanted to address that my DD was hitting and that this was a new behavior.

HELP!

[For little Elza]

Overpost How do I deal?

[For little Elza]

Everything with childcare I am experiencing lately has been soooo tough. All I want is someone to take care of them for 7 hours a day and keep them safe. But nobody can even stick to their little schedule and its so hard for me alone!!!!!

I am in this situation because of an absent, don't care about anyone but himself father! And this stinks, for them and me. Because I am exhausted!

[MrsDanite]

You say your cousin moved in with you to "help." It seems clear that her presence in your home, with her daughter and her attitude about her daughter, is anything but helpful. If it's simply not working out for you, and if you have any other options, it's probably time to start exploring them.

I don't know exactly how things work in other states, but it is probably similar to ours. The early intervention plan is basically an outline of the services that will be provided to your family to help your child maximize her development in the areas where she needs more progress. It is a legal document in the sense that it determines what services will be provided to you and how the tax monies that fund it will be spent.

I hope you can find some good support out there somewhere. A discussion of all your family's needs may be a part of the intervention plan development. Sometimes community resources can be found to help reduce the parent's stress so she can better meet her child's needs. I wish you and your children all the best.

MrsD

[inthespirit]

My husband fits the description of your 2 yr old. He describes how he prefered to spend hours alone in his room and didn't need or want anyone. His food habits, even today, are unique. He has a high iq but learning disabilities. And to this day, he is a loner. He sought out a career where he can be alone, he dropped out of law school to become a starving over the road truck driver *fuel costs and government regulations eat up your cash*. His family tells me of the many trips to the hospital with him. I take him to doctors.
We are not all alike, he is who he is and it's most likely he's inherited some ancestor's personality. No comments on your cousin, except maybe she needs help?

[For little Elza]

Thank you both, your posts have helped. I feel like the best thing I can do for DH is explore all other options (as suggested). I am working on an approach w/ my cousin to say something like, "My DD has some pretty serious issues that really need some family work and stability. I don't think this is going to work out long term due to her needs. As a single mother, there is nothing that I can do except try to secure the best possibilities for her future right now. Unfortunately, as the childcare situation is not working out for DD, I will not be able to afford the full-time care of you and your daughter combined with new arrangements for DD." Then, I can give a time frame, which is probably Christmas to return my home back to as it was before.

About my DD, I really feel like she has some great strengths. She is athletic, has been able to dribble a soccer ball since she could walk naturally between her two feet, she can climb anything any kinder-kid could or pretty close, and she can almost swim by herself. She is only 2 1/2. So, I feel getting her into a swimming program for children with disabilities may e right up her alley.

I also feel like as much 1 on 1 time that I can give each one of my kids in our situation is going to benefit them one and all.

I just hope the best for DD. I hope she can open up, and let us all in someday. I hope she comes to understand our world and language enough so that she can enjoy whatever area of life she wants to specialize in. I specialization is going to be a big thing for her, and whatever area she leans into early in life, I can only try and get her along those lines as much as possible.

I can just pray. I can just try, and do the best I can. But I am still very confused and very tired. I worry constantly about DD's outcome and her possibilities in the short coming years.

She put a puzzle together yesterday. Many of the pieces were interchangeable. But she knew which patterns fit with which piece. She matched them all perfectly. I was amazed. But she doesn't know any of words to say any of the colors, prints, pieces of clothing, etc. So, it is really complex and amazing to watch her, fearful, and encouraging at the same time.

I hope they call soon so I can start to explore my options with a more educated view. Thanks so much and please feel free to give any advice in any area that might be helpful.