A few questions to throw out. How did the ways you were brought up and disciplined affect the way you and your spouse chose to raise your children? Eg if you had extremely strict parents, did it make you determined not to be strict and to never smack or discipline your child but allow them more freedom? Or did you tend to follow your parents' example for better or worse, when dealing with your own children?
Hard question.
I had 4 different parents, two step and of course my mom and dad. My mom was very self absorbed and hateful. My dad was an addict and very disconnected. My step mom was more into letting us have freedom to the point where we were supplied with alcohol and cigarettes at a very young age and my step dad was very overly strict and controlling. That certainly effects a person's parenting.
My objective in parenting is to be what my kids need me to be. A mother, a disiplinarian, a friend and a comforter. I am their teacher and their shoulder and the hand that will guide them in the right direction. Atleast I try to be. I certainly don't want to be anything like the examples I had. If anything it taught me what kind of parent I refused to be.
Of course your past and your childhood creeps into everything you do. I struggle sometimes with feeling inadequate as a parent because I'm overly paranoid about doing something wrong to screw them up.
My parents were far from perfect in many ways. My mom was over controlling... my dad (stepdad) let us do whatever we wanted as long as we were somewhat quiet and respectful. One thing that stands out about my parents however is that they loved us. Nothing upset them more than accusations that they did not care. I also watched them sacrifice themselves to provide a better future for us. So while I try to lighten up on my kids, while still setting guidelines and goals, I want to let them know that I love them as much as I know my parents loved us.
Here's one thing my step brother and I always say to anyone who accuses our parents of being imperfect.... this includes siblings who have more bitter memories... "They did the best they could with what they had". If every parent has that goal, the kids will come out Ok.
My dad is an alcholic who is verbally abusive. Obviously that has shaped who I am.
My parents were pretty strict, but looking back I know that they were just doing the best they knew how (like Andrea said) and when I see how my life has turned out vs. my friends who had "cool" parents I'm glad they were.
My in-laws were on the stricter side, and DH's sister "rebelled" against that by being fairly permissive with her 4 kids. The oldest is now 26 and the youngest is 17. The fruits of her lack of discipline are evident in the lives of her kids (two in particular). DH and I just shake our heads and are like "We're not going to be like that"
My tendancy is to be the over-protective Mom while DH is helping me loosen up a bit. He grew up in a small town, while I grew up in a big city so that has affected us, too--his parents could give him more freedom because of the time and place in which he grew up!
Thanks ladies for your comments and input. I appreciate you taking the time to answer so honestly and fully. If you want to see what prompted the forum question please have a look at this blog, http://christian.families.com/blog/t...s-on-parenting
My parents weren't strict at all, but they didn't need to be as we were all well behaved children, but when we did missbehave, we knew we would definately not get away with it. The only rules we had as children were, go to school, always be home for tea and respect yourself.
Frank however had an extremely strict mother, if you did anything wrong, or too slow, you were hit.
The fact that Frank and his sister are still terrified of shouting and violence is horrific.
Effects of parenting example
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