[enjoythesilence]

Hello, I'm a 15 year old and I live with my father. I've never known my mother, and my father has never dated anyone in my memory. I have an older sister in college and a younger brother. My dad is a diabetic, and an unhealthy one at that. It's not that his blood sugar is too high, its to low. This causes mood swings in some people. And unassumingly him.


He almost has multiple personalities. Whenever my sister's around or other people, he's a model, loving father. But when we get home, and are alone I want to hide away from him. He tells me how he hates me, how he doesnt want to put up with me, how I'm useless, and ugly, and fat almost on a regular basis. He pushes me to the limits yelling at me and threatening to hit me if the house is not spotless, or if I get less than an A+. I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years, nor do I have regular doctor's appointments. I don't have many friends, so I turn to music as my refuge. But he even threatens to take that away.


But then he turns right back around for a few hours an acts like a great father.


I know how he treats me is wrong, I just don't know how wrong; if I should tell someone. And if so, who? I don't have many friends, and hardly know their parents. We don't have a counselor at my school, and my dad is very close friends with all the teachers; if he were to find out I told anyone anything, I fear it would just get worse. I'd like to assume it's his blood sugar making him not love or care about me, but sometimes I can't believe that it's just that.


Any advice you can give would be more than appreciated.

[MissyChrissy]

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. First-I hope you know it's not your fault. Whatever is causing the anger outbursts from your father, it's HIS issue and not yours.

I don't know anything about blood sugar, if that could even cause that, but my father has PTSD from being in Vietnam and he could get very militant (and mean) at times. So I know a little of what you're going through.

In my opinion, based on what you've said, he needs counseling. If you can't talk to him directly, can you enlist your grandparents or other close relative? You indicated there's no one at school-no even the principal? You can look up your state's department of social services (online, or in the phone book) and call and report him for neglectful behavior. You could do it anonymously & when the social worker comes to see you, beg for them to order him into therapy. The social worker would talk to you alone by the way. They wouldn't take you away-unless he was beating your or not feeding you-but they do have the power to order therapy and/or parenting classes.

Good luck hon. Come back here & feel free to open up to us. We'll try to help as best we can.

[twinzplus3]

Yes you should tell someone but may I suggest that you tell someone that will treat his diabetes first? My SIL is married to someone with diabetes and she is a nurse so she is very good at keeping him level. He is a fantastic guy. . .loving father. . .great husband. . .etc., etc., etc.

When his blood sugar is out of whack he becomes abusive. At least once my BIL has had to go to the house to retrain him and they'd had to call 911. It is quite possible that what's causing his mood swings is the diabetes.

For my SIL, she locked herself in a room and called 911 and told them that she was dealing with a combative diabetic. They understand what that means and that may be one way to 'force' him into the hospital for proper treatment.

That would be my first option but certainly diabetes is not the only thing that can cause the issues you're describing. But it is possible. And if that's the cause, if he learns to regulate his blood sugar. . .the mood swings will disappear.

Is there a friend's house you can stay at if you need to?

[mcmama]

I agree about the diabetes treatment. I am not sure I would trust social services with this one. They might intervene too much and really mess things up.

If there is no teacher available at your school whom you trust to keep your confidence, you might look for counseling from a community organization, a youth group person, or clergy. The clergy at my church have heard it from all ends of my family, and really I don't know how they keep the confidences straight, but they do.

You also might try counseling at school with the approach that you are worried about your dad's diabetes and that it is not being treated properly, how can they help. You can then see if there is someone you can trust there.

[twinzplus3]

In addition to what Janet said and what I've already said, I should say too that anyone who has experience in dealing with diabetics will not blink an eye when you describe mood swings. This is pretty common for those with severe diabetes (in fact it can be one of the warning signs to diagnose it from what I understand.)

[MissyChrissy]

Can you call his dr & let him/her know what's going on?

[AbbiesMom68]

Good luck resolving your situation.

[MissyChrissy]

Originally Posted by AbbiesMom68

I dealt with a similar situation all throughout my childhood. All that I can tell you is the person will never change. Accept that it's not you, it's him. Study hard, go to college, get away. I went far away to school and now live on the opposite side of the country. My dad still phones me to remind me how fat / inadequate / etc I am, and although it still hurts, atleast I can control how much I take (not picking up the phone). It took me a long time to figure out that when he said such hurtful things it was mostly because he was a very very miserable insecure person. As much as people may try to help, there won't be much that changes until you leave the house. Just study hard, and go to college. It's a great escape.

Never say never. I've experienced change. I've seen it happen to very miserable people (myself included).

However, he does have to want to change. If he doesn't want it, then you (or anyone else) can't make it happen.

My suggestion-look up some affirmations. Print out or copy the ones your really like, and keep telling them to yourself. It sounds silly, but that's what helped me the most in life. To this day if I start feeling overwhelmed, I look for some good affirmations. My first favorite was "I am lovable and capable."

You need to do positive self-talk to override the negative you're hearing. Even if he wants help & does take steps, change isn't overnight. There would be lapses. You need to know you're still a wonderful person, despite his illness.

[mcmama]

True, people can only change if they want to. But having seen the difference with someone with bipolar disorder medicated and unmedicated, whatever you can do medically can help with the mood swings. That's part of getting them to face up to this before you are gone and not answering the phone.

But yes, studying hard and getting out is very important. What does your sister say?

The fact that you are not having regular doctor appointments is a problem for you, and that really is child neglect. In getting help for yourself, that is the angle I would pursue with teachers and counselors. What happens when you are sick and there is an emergency? If you have strep and spike a high fever, what happens then? How have you coped with this before?

You know, you may find that there is more sympathy for you than you realize - maybe people he is friendly with at school just are not seeing what is really happening. Is it a private school or public school? In most states, teachers are mandated reporters of child neglect whether they are public or private school. So if you go to the principal and to your teachers and say you have not seen a pediatrician or a dentist in 5 years, they are obligated to do something.

I said before that I wouldn't report to social services if I were you - but you might want to lay it out before your teachers/principal and tell them that you are aware that this is neglect, they are mandated reporters, and before going to social services, what are they going to do about it? This way you force them to stand up for you. This may be a way for your dad to get the medical help that he needs too - because if he is ignoring your medical needs, he is probably neglecting his own, too.

Here is a chart of mandated reporters in each state:
http://nccanch.acf.hhs.gov/general/l...utes/manda.pdf

Look up your state and see what the rules are.

[QueenAngie]

Enjoythesilence, welcome to the board!

So sorry about what you are going through right now.

Sending you a big warm hug! You do need to talk to somebody you
feel like you can talk with about this......your sister, at church, at school, or a neighbor.

As our friends above stated, you are a lovely young lady inside and out!
Doesn't matter what your father says about you being fat or ugly, that is just not true.

You are smart, you get good grades, you work hard on the house.
Stay in school and do your very best to get to college - only 3 more years to go.

**********

It’s Up To You!

One song can spark a moment, One flower can wake the dream.

One tree can start a forest, One bird can sing about spring.

One smile begins a friendship, One handclasp lifts a soul.

One star can guide a ship at sea, One word can frame the goal.

One step begins a marathon, One sunbeam lights a room. One candle wipes out darkness, One laugh will conquer gloom.

One step must start each journey, One word must start each prayer.

One hope will raise our spirits, One touch can show you care.

One voice can speak with wisdom, One heart can know what’s true.

One life can make the difference, You see, it’s up to you!