[ladyj759]

Hi, I am new to this forum and like others, I am looking for advice and/or support. My problem is with my (almost) 19 year old stepdaughter. She moved in with us approximately 3 years ago. She has made it her life mission to make mine miserable. I have a 19 year old girl who my SD admitted to love pushing her buttons also. I think it is in her genetic makeup.
This past weekend I went to the downstairs bathroom only to find that she (very tacky) scotch taped photos from a ballerina calendar (everywhere - they even reached the top of the walls) My point to her was that she did not even ask - since then I would have suggested getting them properly framed and hung (not with tape).
Whenever I ask her to comply with something her main request is "What is the big deal" or when I told her that she could put a bag in the garbage can "I just did not feel like it".
For the most part I don't get total support from her father (and yes I know that is part of the problem). She has total lack of respect for me. Funny thing - even he mentioned that he got 2 misfits for children.
I told her this weekend that I did not know what her problem was. I tried everything, but that she lives to annoy me. She had the opportunity to have this bathroom (which she primarily has to herself) by just keeping it clean. NO - stuff literally grows in the toilet. She has ruined the rug by the hair dye and when she cuts her hair it lays in the sink. She even keeps globs of hair in the tub. When her older sister (who does not live with us) asked her why she lets it get like this - her reply (that I have not cleaned it recently).
She is almost 19, doesn't drive, etc., I have tried everything with her. I trully do not know why she wanted to come and live here (initially she said it was to have a better chance at life).
I am at my wit's end. This situation with her is taking a toll on my physical and mental health.
Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

[poohsbrana]

My advice to you would be tell your husband she either respects your or plain and simple-gets out. If shes taking a toll on your health in any way, you shouldn't have to go through that. Does she have a job? If not mention that to her. [or you husband.] My sister went through an idealistic situation, she told him he had to pay 30 dollars a week, or get out.

[MiaCamille]

Originally Posted by poohsbrana

My advice to you would be tell your husband she either respects your or plain and simple-gets out. If shes taking a toll on your health in any way, you shouldn't have to go through that. Does she have a job? If not mention that to her. [or you husband.] My sister went through an idealistic situation, she told him he had to pay 30 dollars a week, or get out.

Well said Poohsbrana i agree, what does her father do while all of this is happening?

[ladyj759]

Originally Posted by MiaCamille

Well said Poohsbrana i agree, what does her father do while all of this is happening?

He is usually out in the shop doing his own thing.

[DianeRay]

1-Where is her mother?
2-If she's not happy with your rules, she can always leave.

[ladyj759]

Her mother is still in the picture. SD visits with her only on occasion. She was more than willing to pass her over to us - now I know why!!
I am at times surprised that she still lives with us after all of the bull**** she pulled = ie = inappropriate internet actions; theft, selling prescription meds, sneeking out at night, coming home drunk, etc.
I feel at times now one understands the magnitude of her problems. One counselor even stated to her father that she was a liar and manipulative. Needless to say, we never returned to that person. Heck, what did she know!

[QueenAngie]

Has your DH looked at the filthy bathroom she uses and leaves a mess? I think you need him to take a tour with you.

Looks like you need some house rules that both you and DH write down in agreement. Give a copy to each member in your household.
The member not wishing to follow those rules
may search for an alternate apt while she gets a job.

(((Hugs)))