[annharth]

I have a question. How do other people feel about grandparent input when you have a newborn? I remember just about pulling my hair out when my first baby came home. I was tired, wobbly and incredibly delicate emotionally. I wanted my little family to learn how to cope our own way before the doting families arrived. I had read all the books and knew exactly how I wanted to do everything re breastfeeding, sleeping, crying, etc. (basically my theory was if my baby thinks she needs it, I'll give it to her until about 6 mnths.) Granny thought differently. I stuck to my guns, but it was very hard. I'd be interested in anybody else's stories.

[lolo]

I am a new grandmother and agree with you. When my daughter asks me I tell her what I did or would do, but always tell her to do what she is comfortable with. There are so many new things out there that it makes us "oldsters" wonder how we ever raised children in the dark ages. The one thing we have on you is patience. We know a lot and should be respected, but your family is your family and you need to do what you think is best. There will be different rules in different homes as your children grow. Being respectful of one another is best and will ultimately teach your children respect. I hope I have offered something helpful.
Lolo

[annharth]

Thank you, Lolo. You sound like a good grandma to have around.

I think you're right. Respect and patience are crucial when dealing with families whether they are grown up or not. In a lot of ways, listening to advice, and accepting it, has a lot to do with how it is given. It was a few years ago now, but for me it had a lot to do with how strong I was feeling at any given time. I felt like if I caved even slightly, I'd crumple. On the occasions when I did think about just going along with grandma, and letting my infant cry. I felt ashamed of myself. To think I could be weak enough to go against my own decisions.

To clarify, I have a very close relationship with both grandmas, as do the kids. But when they were newborns, I had this strange, protective almost physical reaction when it came to my babies.

Instinct?

[breharb25]

When I had my son four months ago, I had everything figured out as well (or so I thought). Even before he was born though, his grandmother was trying to tell me how to do things (she purchased his stroller, car seat, crib, armoire, changing table, and most of his clothes without my consent). Needless to say this irritated me because I had ideas of what I wanted and I feel that the excitement of picking out all of these things for my baby was taken away from me unfairly. While my husband thinks it was really nice of her to do that ( its his mother), I feel like this was very innappropriate of her. It's been a struggle with her over many things when it comes to my son, for instance, I had to have her banned from the delivery room because she insisted she wanted to be in there. Even my own mother didnt want to be in there unless I asked her to be and everyone knew that it was a moment that my husband and I wanted to share privately. Of course four months later we are still battling over every little thing. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to save me and my son from this woman?

[annharth]

Wow! That's a bit hard to take. Even if she really feels as though she's helping, I would be having trouble as well. How close do you live? Also, how does your husband feel about it? Does he understand your point of view? He could possibly be an avenue of support for you.

[breharb25]

We live about ten miles apart. My husband understands my point of view with this situation but says there isnt anything he can do because its typical of his mother and she wont listen to reason. I guess the only thing I can do is stick to my guns the best I can and hope my husband gets a job offer far far away!

[annharth]

You might be right. It sounds like you've got the right attitude and you're strong enough to pull it off. I don't have the daily input from my kid's grandparents. One set is 15,000 miles away and the other lives close by, only 1000 miles south of here.

My advice to you when you're ready to tear your hair out? Laugh and write a sit com!

[breharb25]

Thats good advice, I definitely need to laugh about it. Who knows, maybe I could write a movie about it, it seems I have my very own monster-in-law!