[Nathan]

How can you protect yourself from false allegations?

[DianeScraps]

That is a real tough one, mostly because they are indeed false. But I am very careful to document everything and to have witnesses if I think there could be any issues (like a visit with bio mom in a public place - I take along some extra hands)

Diane

[MJ7]

I know foster parents that will only take in babies for the reason of false allegations. I would be affraid of a foster child making false allegations too and risk loosing my boys as a result.

[SurprisedWithTwins]

My mom has been a foster parent for five years and when there have been false allegations brought against her the best thing she has done is cooperated fully with any investigations. Children in foster care are usually there for reasons of neglect, abuse, etc. and will act out by doing any number of things, false accusations included. The best thing to do is document EVERY bump and bruise no matter where they happen (daycare, school) or how minor they are. My mom will even call the caseworkers of children who have had repeated injuries just to give a "heads up." Cover yourself as well as you can and try not to worry about looking suspicious. Most caseworkers realize that kids will be kids and getting hurt is part of that but if you document injuries, you are better equipped to defend yourself.

[mcmama]

That's very sensible advice, surprised. I found that in daycare it was important to document all injuries and accidents in writing. Centers often have accident reports which they give to the parents to sign, and each keeps a copy. And as a family child care provider I used to notify parents, and then note in my own records that I had done so.

[QueenAngie]

Along this topic......
DS#2 was in grade school, I think 1st grade
and he went to before-school supervised daycare.

I went to work, and then midmorning, had to pick him up from
school and take him to the dentist, who was a new partner.

About 900 AM, I received a phone call at work, that Joe
had been in a little accident at daycare before school.
"Nothing major."

I rush to pick him up at school, driving to the dentist,
going quickly as we can.
I never actually looked at Joe. "Nothing major."

Rush him into the newest dentist in the clinic, who we had not yet met.

I'm waiting in the waiting room, while Joe had his cleaning.

The new dentist asks me what happened to my son's eye......
and his cheek......
and did I know his front tooth (baby tooth) was loose now from the accident?

The new dentist thought it was a child abuse issue.
He did not know me.
My son looked like he'd been beaten in the face.

Oh My Goodness!

Black eye,
bruise on his cheek,
and the front tooth was now very loose.

Now, you will tell me....how did any mother miss this?
I was rushing and only saw the other side of his face at school.

I asked the new dentist to call school and talk w/ the principal.

We returned Joe to school.....straight to the principal's office
to hear about this "nothing major" occured.
I insisted an incident report be completed and that the principal
talk to the new dentist over this matter.

Care to know what happened?

Jump ropes with wooden handles. Another school friend
(been friends since age 3 months in the hospital daycare
as his parents work at my hospital) was holding the jump rope
by one handle, twirling in a circle, and hit my son in the face.

Did I blame this other youngster? No! I blamed the lack of supervision
by the daycare providers. The next day at work, I spoke with the little
friend's Mom, because I saw her about every day. She'd heard that Joe
had been in an accident w/ her son.

I was really nice and told her the black eye would heal in no time.

She says, "Black eye?"

And that his bruised cheek would heal quickly too.

She says, "Bruised cheek?"

(She looked to be just really upset by this time.
They are lovely people.)

And I finished, "His tooth was a baby tooth, and it would come out
later this year anyway, so the new dentist just pulled it for us."

Her hair was now standing on end, "Joe lost a tooth because of my son?"

I told her the toothfairy was just coming early for Joe and it was fine.

I figured that my son "partner in crime" was doing something similar
with his friend with the jumprope and Joe was the one that was injured.
My problem was with the lack of supervision by the daycare workers....
not the kids or the other parents.

Kids do stupid things, not realizing the consequences of their actions.
That is why there are adults to supervise.

This incident was caused by lack of adult supervision and it
caused AM daycare to become a studyhall,
instead of a 'free for all' in the gym.

[mcmama]

My son dislocated one of the daycare children's shoulders accidentally. The kid was on the swingset, and my son was trying to teach him how to "fly" off the swing by letting go and pushing off. I thought he was being helpful and pushing the swing for his friend while I tended one of the other children. His idea of helping was to "catch" the kid. He caught him, both ended up on the ground in a heap, and the other boy could not move his arm.

So of course I called the parents, and offered to meet them at the er, or wait until they arrived to take the child themselves. They preferred to wait - meanwhile they called the pediatrician, and got the whole thing set in motion so that it could be as smooth as possible. I guess with the child collaborating the story, no one investigated.

They were great about it - I offered to pay the bill through my accident insurance (EVERY family child care provider should have accident and liability insurance that is NOT homeowners) but they declined because their health insurance would take care of it anyway.

As for the boy - he is now in college, and an artist with both hands and arms.

Communication is really important, because if the parent is at the ER, they are the ones answering the questions, not the teachers. And if they don't know the answers, it is stressful for all.

[QueenAngie]

Janet, you are so correct about communication between parents, caregivers, teachers, and children.

That day could have been much less stressful, if I had been
told the truth ahead of time at the school or the phone call.

[Anointed]

I normally do not visit outside of the deals forum but upon reading here, i just had to make a comment about this:

I think it is Sad that children would resort to lying on people when they can't have their way. It's true that you need witnesses to testify that you have not done anything to harm the child that you are taking care of. While i am personally not a foster parent, from what i have learned about the foster care system and how children have been documented(because they keep records of every child's behavior) to behave, i refuse to be a foster parent. Ever. I know that there are children who sincerely want to be fostered and adopted much like for example, the homeless person who asks for spare change because they are hungry and really want something to eat. However, there are 'homeless' people who claim to need money, only want it for beer, drugs etc or they are the kind of people who want to make money begging for money thus leaving people to wonder if the person who asked for money really needs it. Same with foster kids, while there are ones who (regardless of what they have been through) are sincerely looking for a home, the rotten kids are lumped in together with no way to tell the difference because they all are human. The rotten ones are the ones who make people's lives miserable resorting to all kinds of tricks and tactics to get their way. I have learned that foster children who are siblings that are put in the same home have even resorted to helping each other set up the person(s) taking care of them to get them into trouble when they (the kids) can't have their way. Even one social worker i know said that foster kids use children and family services when they can't have their way, by way of blackmail, that is. The reality is children in foster care are taught that the world revolves around them because of what they went through at home. Most of them accept this way of thinking while very few reject it. They are 'babied' and 'pacified' to the point that if they weren't spoiled, they would be after a certain amount of time in foster care. I am aware of foster children who were completely disrespectful to their foster parents, cussing at them and telling them off when they couldn't have their way. I am aware of children who intentionally calls social services to get their parents in trouble when they can't have their way. And the thing about all of this is children and family services are well aware of these things but guess why they don't deal with it? Money. Because of the laws in place that pay out a certain amount to the system for each child adopted out, they have to adopt out more children than previously adopted. So if they adopt out less then they don't get the money (thousands) for the children they adopt out. Funny thing is, you'll find the average person does not believe that children could possible do things like this but boy are they wrong. I know some people have success stories but what you don't find is alot of the 'horror' stories are covered up. If people fully understand the 'horrors' of the foster care system, they would back of foster parenting period. You would never believe some of the things that i have found out just talking to people with factual information. As in proof that these things are true and happening but not enough attention is brought to it. So basically you are fostering at your own risk. For those who do take in kids, know the facts about those kids, documents of their behavior, any past incidents, and their parents. I also know that there are parents who use their kids to set people up who are fostering them. Yes there are parents who instruct their kids on what to do to set up their foster parents (which is why they try to move the children as far away from the parents as possible). I'm telling you, i cannot post everything that i have learned regarding foster care but i do know one thing, just like when you are about to cross a street, you check to make sure there is no car coming, likewise make sure before you get into fostering, you have all of the facts including the records regarding the children you are taking in, you want copies if you can't keep the originals. Trust me, it may very well keep you out of jail in the future. You'd be amazed at some of the things that were pinned on foster parents that weren't true.

i use to wonder why people would go overseas to adopt when there are so many children here that need homes. I now know why. Now that i know and i do mean fully aware of the negatives of fostering in the states, i simply refuse to be a foster parent. I also use to wonder why people were always after babies in the states too, i know why now.

[twinzplus3]

Wow. . .that post is so full of misinformation I'm not even sure how to respond to it. It sounds like you've been getting information from very embittered people. No doubt the foster care system is in dire need of revamping. . .but I would still do it. Not everyone is cut out to be a foster parent so I wouldn't even encourage people to do it. But we plan to become foster parents when our own children are older simply because we feel called to do it.

But the OP was how to protect yourself against false allegations. . .

I think obtaining all records is a very good idea. . .it's just not always possible to do before you get a child. I also think that keeping your own records of a child's behavior is helpful. It seems like some children have a history of specific behaviors that are fairly consistent with their backgrounds and while I would expect a foster child to be removed from the home if an allegation were made, history accounts for a lot of 'defenses' against false allegations.