[SassaFran]

Hello,
My family believe that my brother has aspergers that has remained undiagnosed into adulthood - he's 29. My Mum was talking to a psychologist friend and mentioned some of my brother's behavioural tendencies and the psychologist said it sounded like aspergers. We have since researched it and it is looking likely. However, my brother doesn't want to know and understandably is happy with himself and his life, which is fair enough. My question is, does anyone know of any support groups for families? If indeed my brother does have aspergers we have a lot to learn and could do with some coping strategies as sometimes we find it difficult to cope. Also, his childhood and teenage years were difficult for him, being different to others, but also for myself and my parents. I feel quite sad about all this and also I'm reliving a lot of my childhood as I went through a lot connected to my brother. I would love to develop some ways of understanding him and learning to adapt to him now I am beginning to know how he is the person he is. Any advice welcomed. Thank you.

[beth]

Originally Posted by SassaFran

Hello,
My family believe that my brother has aspergers that has remained undiagnosed into adulthood - he's 29. My Mum was talking to a psychologist friend and mentioned some of my brother's behavioural tendencies and the psychologist said it sounded like aspergers. We have since researched it and it is looking likely. However, my brother doesn't want to know and understandably is happy with himself and his life, which is fair enough. My question is, does anyone know of any support groups for families? If indeed my brother does have aspergers we have a lot to learn and could do with some coping strategies as sometimes we find it difficult to cope. Also, his childhood and teenage years were difficult for him, being different to others, but also for myself and my parents. I feel quite sad about all this and also I'm reliving a lot of my childhood as I went through a lot connected to my brother. I would love to develop some ways of understanding him and learning to adapt to him now I am beginning to know how he is the person he is. Any advice welcomed. Thank you.

Hi Sassafran,
I've just posted an article on the problems associated with diagnosing adults with Asperger's, however at the conclusion of the article is a list of articles on understanding adults with Asperger's which you might find helpful.
You can find the articles here
Best wishes, Beth

[b_me]

I, too, would love to find a support group for families of people with adult asperger's. I am almost positive that my mother has it. Whether or not she actually has the disorder she has many of the same problems (lack of empathy for others, inability to decipher non-verbal social cues, preoccupation with rules and routines), I'd love coping techniques! It's hard growing up in a family that doesn't acknowledge emotion and puts rules and routines before people.

I am going to check out those articles!

[beth]

Originally Posted by b_me

I, too, would love to find a support group for families of people with adult asperger's. I am almost positive that my mother has it. Whether or not she actually has the disorder she has many of the same problems (lack of empathy for others, inability to decipher non-verbal social cues, preoccupation with rules and routines), I'd love coping techniques! It's hard growing up in a family that doesn't acknowledge emotion and puts rules and routines before people.

I am going to check out those articles!

Having a parent, especially a mother, with Asperger's can be extremely difficult because the inability to demonstrate love or display empathy leaves the child feeling unloved, inadequate and often with a deep sense that there is something wrong with them. Of course, as children, they cannot know that such a condition exists and commonly take on the idea that they are not good enough for praise or spontaneous love.
Even when the diagnosis is made, it is often the case that the Asperger sufferer is quite happy with the way they are and sees no problem with their behavior. This is very difficult to deal with as there can be no resolution in a case like this. Other Asperger's folk are more aware of their difference and want to change. Here, although there is no cure for the disorder, there can be much more satisfying interpersonal relationships. Family breakdowns can the result from the presence of Aspergers and divorce rates can be high. However, where there is insight and perserverance, there is a chance for improved relationships.

[aubleeanna]

I have an adult son with asperger's. My husband and I knew there was something wrong when he started school, as did his teachers'. As a matter of fact, hi preschool teacher was concerned about him before he even started public school.
Due to this, he was administered a battery of tests both privately and through the school system. Everyone admitted there was something "not quite right" but couldn't categorize it. We made sure he was getting extra help from the school system and I worked with him at home.
He became extremely depressed in high school and was put on medication. It helped his concentration, thank goodness, because he was learning to drive at the time.
Okay, I know I'm babbling. By the time he graduated high school, he had gone off the medication and was extremely depressed again. We, as parents', took it upon ourselves to have him tested again by a certified psychiatrist. Adult asperger's wasn't mentioned to us by her, after all the testing. She just said she couldn't treat him until his depression was under control. Now, he's 26, and has moved two hours away with a friend from high school. His depression continues. He's been working as a fry cook ever since he moved (6 yrs. ago), and his Dad helps him with his portion of the rent, payed for his car, his insurance and got him to see another psychiatrist. It wasn't until this psychiatrist tested him that we found out he has adult asperger's.
Our son refuses to take any medication and refuses to believe he has adult asperger's. However, he will go on and on and on about all the things he's missed out on in life and how he's never felt the same as anybody else. He says he feels like he doesn't have emotions.
My ex and I are truly concerned. We want him to have some sort of happiness in life and be able to support and take care of himself. After all, we won't be around forever to help him out.
Dern! There is so much more to say, but I'll try to stop here.
I miss my son. What can I do?

I now understand more about asperger's and have done my research. I understand HIM more and wish there was something I could do to help him or convince him to get help and more support.

[b_me]

Beth - Thank you for responding! Your articles have been very helpful

[beth]

Originally Posted by aubleeanna

I have an adult son with asperger's. My husband and I knew there was something wrong when he started school, as did his teachers'. As a matter of fact, hi preschool teacher was concerned about him before he even started public school.
Due to this, he was administered a battery of tests both privately and through the school system. Everyone admitted there was something "not quite right" but couldn't categorize it. We made sure he was getting extra help from the school system and I worked with him at home.
He became extremely depressed in high school and was put on medication. It helped his concentration, thank goodness, because he was learning to drive at the time.
Okay, I know I'm babbling. By the time he graduated high school, he had gone off the medication and was extremely depressed again. We, as parents', took it upon ourselves to have him tested again by a certified psychiatrist. Adult asperger's wasn't mentioned to us by her, after all the testing. She just said she couldn't treat him until his depression was under control. Now, he's 26, and has moved two hours away with a friend from high school. His depression continues. He's been working as a fry cook ever since he moved (6 yrs. ago), and his Dad helps him with his portion of the rent, payed for his car, his insurance and got him to see another psychiatrist. It wasn't until this psychiatrist tested him that we found out he has adult asperger's.
Our son refuses to take any medication and refuses to believe he has adult asperger's. However, he will go on and on and on about all the things he's missed out on in life and how he's never felt the same as anybody else. He says he feels like he doesn't have emotions.
My ex and I are truly concerned. We want him to have some sort of happiness in life and be able to support and take care of himself. After all, we won't be around forever to help him out.
Dern! There is so much more to say, but I'll try to stop here.
I miss my son. What can I do?

I now understand more about asperger's and have done my research. I understand HIM more and wish there was something I could do to help him or convince him to get help and more support.

Hi Aubleanna,
Like many autistic spectrum disorders, Asperger's presents in varying degrees of severity. There are some people with Asperger's who are quite happy being the way they are and don't want to try to modify their behavior, even though they may well be causing a lot of pain to their family members. You can read my articles on this subject at http://mental-health.families.com/blog/category/1366

The fact that your son is depressed and is aware that he is different means that he is in touch with the fact that he is missing out on certain expereinces in life. This awareness, together with his pain, means that he has the potential, unlike like some sufferers of Asperger's to take steps to make his social interactions more satisfying. Has his psychiatrist suggested social skills training? If you would like further information feel free to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor
Best wishes, Beth

[DebbieAnn49]

Hello there - Im new don't know if this is correct page
Have joined this site to see if there are other people in the same situation as me.
We are currently taking my 15 yr daughter to a physcologist and she suspects that she has Asbergers. After several visits and question Dr wanted to meet my husband. The conclusion is that my husband has undiagnosed Asbergers and in the process of diagnosing my daughter.
We have not had an easy marriage and communication is limited. I have struggled with the lack of emotions for sometime now.We have been married 23yrs.
I now have a better understanding but finding it very hard to cope. I feel that all the times I tried to get through to him emotionally in the past has just been a waste of time and I feel cheated of a loving relationship. Is this wrong to feel this way or is there other people in the same situation.
My daughter and husband relate quite well as they are very similar and understand each other better. I feel like an outsider. We have two other children whom have left home but they show no sign of this disorder.
HELP!

[maz11]

Hi
I think my partner may have aspergers. He displays many of the behaviours. I wondered if anyone had any coping mechanisams for dealing with a partner who is like this

[beth]

Originally Posted by maz11

Hi
I think my partner may have aspergers. He displays many of the behaviours. I wondered if anyone had any coping mechanisams for dealing with a partner who is like this

Hi Maz,
Can you outline some of the behaviors that make you suspect your partner may have Aspergers? They are several disorders that have similar traits, and you would need a clear diagnosis in order to determine the best way to interact to lessen any difficulties you may be experiencing.

Beth