[chrisg]

Hello all, this is my first post. I have been married for 6 years to a wondeful woman. We have 3 children ages 5, 4, and my baby girl who is 16 mnths old. All right, down to the nitty gritty. I am addicted to marijuana. Yup, marijuana. Have been for at least 15 years. Before that it was Ritalin. No drinking problem, no hard drugs in many, many years. I even quit smoking cigarettes 11 years ago. However, weed has always been in my life. Before I got married, I never considered quiting. But at the time I met my wife I was on a health kick and was sick of being poor and stoned. So, I told her I wanted to quit. She is a never user, no drugs, ever. That was one of the big attractions to me. Anyway, I have struggled with this disease through out our marriage. Getting clean, relapsing, lying to cover it up. I'd say out of the six years we have had at least six episodes of me getting caught and her giving me another chance, and me screwing up again. I never sought help, or even wanted to quit. We finally came to a compromise, that she would look the other way about the weed, and I would look the other way about her tobbacco (which I hate). She did this because she was sick of being lied to. Still, she wasn't happy with drugs being in her life and the risk it posed to our children. After a few months of the compromise, I was using quite heavily, and began to develop symptoms of anxiety, depressiona and severe stress. I might add that our middle son has had four open heart surgeries, a stroke, and most recently a heart transplant. He is four now. During the past four years, he has almost died three times, and we have witnessed the deaths of at least 10 children, most of whom we were close to their parents. Needless to say, we know about stress. Anyway, my recent symptoms led to some serious fights, no violence, but paranoia and anxiety on my part, and severe frustration on her part. Things came to a boiling point recently and I was asked to leave. My addiction and the subsequent actions resulting from my need to feed the disease have left my wife's trust in me devestated. I have been a stay at home dad for 5 years, taking care of the kids while she served the country and advanced her education. Now, I have lost my family, my future and most important, the woman I truly love. She is not sure she wants to go to counseling, she doesn't believe I can be trusted ever again. I have been going to counseling, N.A., and even church for help since we split up. I have been a devout athiest for at least 20 years, but rock bottom is rock bottom. And if my way hasn't worked for me, I have to explore all possibilites. I am clean now, but I can't seem to get her to want to give me ANOTHER chance. If any one has anything to share, advice, support, condemnation, or if I can help anyone from my experience, please respond. I am desperatly trying to save my marriage.

[MissyChrissy]

I'm glad you're finally getting help. That's what you need to do-focus on you. Stay clean. Trust is earned-and you've done a lot to destroy the trust she had in you, so it's going to take time, a long, long time, to rebuild that trust. Maybe it won't ever happen. That's the risk you took when you chose to use drugs. You cannot stay clean just to get her back, because I guarantee you'll use again once you feel "safe" again with her.

I cannot reiterate enough to stay on the clean path. Get an education, gainful employment...set some positive goals. As you achieve each one, that will be proof to her that you really have indeed changed. Perhaps she'll give you yet another chance...but there's no promise of that.

At the very least, be a good role model to your kids. Show them how to be an excellent father. They deserve that.

[mcmama]

How can you be addicted to marijuana? My experience is that it is not physically addictive, but pyschologically it can be.

[JeanLynn81]

Actually Janet...marijuana is a worse addiction made because of the fact that it is pyschological, and not physical. The mind is much more powerful than the body. When my dad was recovering from his meth addiction, I had a problem with marijuana. I had many of the people treating my dad tell me they'd rather treat someone addicted to meth, rather than marijuana, because once the physical endurance of quitting is gone...the success rate is higher for speed addictions. But marijuana is alot harder to quit because, as you get already, its harder to train the mind.

How I quit? I got pregnant. (Yes, shocker...I know lots of you don't know this about me). All I can say man...is if your kids aren't enough to do it for you, I don't know what will. If you can't keep it occasional, and away from your kids, then you need to quit altogether. It'll be tough. Real tough. But do you think it'll be worth it to set a good example for your children?

I tell you. With marijuana its hardest to quit. It makes you procrastinate on everything-including quitting.

[chrisg]

Well, if I havn't been able to kick it on my own, obviously it's an addiction. I come from an alcoholic family, but my parents broke that cycle. I never saw either of them drunk. So I believe the addictive personality is there, I just went with the thing I felt was the least damaging. Also, there is a good chance that the smoke I was getting was laced, alot of it in my area has turned up laced with chemicals. I never had the crazy side effects untill recently. Anyway, I will be clean for the rest of my life. With or without my wife, but I would preferr to be with her forever. Other than this issue, we have had a strong, happy marriage. She is coming around a little. She has agreed to give me the time needed to get my head together, she also has some issues to deal with. Today we will be meeting for dinner with the kids. It is a step in the right direction. As long as I keep my trap shut and just enjoy the moment. It's hard since I love her and miss her so much. Anyway. Thanks for the comments and support.

[beth]

Originally Posted by chrisg

Well, if I havn't been able to kick it on my own, obviously it's an addiction. I come from an alcoholic family, but my parents broke that cycle. I never saw either of them drunk. So I believe the addictive personality is there, I just went with the thing I felt was the least damaging. Also, there is a good chance that the smoke I was getting was laced, alot of it in my area has turned up laced with chemicals. I never had the crazy side effects untill recently. Anyway, I will be clean for the rest of my life. With or without my wife, but I would preferr to be with her forever. Other than this issue, we have had a strong, happy marriage. She is coming around a little. She has agreed to give me the time needed to get my head together, she also has some issues to deal with. Today we will be meeting for dinner with the kids. It is a step in the right direction. As long as I keep my trap shut and just enjoy the moment. It's hard since I love her and miss her so much. Anyway. Thanks for the comments and support.

Hi Chris,
Marijuana is an addictive substance, as you have experienced. There is no question as to its addictive properties. You are already doing everything you can to maximize your chances of being a family again. That does not mean that you will be, of course, but you know that if you do not continue to lead a clean life, there is no hope at all. Your wife no longer trusts you, and you can't blame her for that. It will take a while for her to see that not only are you clean, but you have successfully changed your life. Always remember this important fact - you are doing this for yourself as well as your family. You deserve a happy life and, with or without your wife, this path that you are on leads to personal happiness. It will also encourage your wife to let you see your children and see that you do not pose a risk to them. This is an opportunity to change your life and it sounds like you are attempting and succeeding. Whether your wife comes round is something you can't control, but you can always be there for your children and a great help to them when they grow up and encounter drugs themselves. You have had a lot of help to get where you are but if you feel you would benefit from counseling, you are welcome to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com

[songbirdxx]

First of all I would like to how sorry I am about your middle son and what he has had to suffer at such a young age. You must be very proud of his determination and will to survive. We can learn so much from our children, when we witness there tenacity and how they cope with lifes struggles, yet we as adults can be so weak and lack the determination to match up to their strengths. You sound like a very sensitive person who cares deeply and has shown courage and humility in seeking help for your addiction. You like your son are stronger than any addiction and if you really want to be a stable and loving husband and father you will find the conviction to carry it out!I believe actions speak louder than words and when by your actions you prove to your family you are a changed man, then given time you may become a family unit once more. I wish you well.

[vanaden]

I used to be addicted to weed myself, along w/ drinking, pills and anything I could get my hands on. I considered myself athiest for a good amount of years and then slipped in to pagenism/wicca.
That was until I met the Lord one December in a Pentecostal service. Having suffered from addiction,severe depression, ocd and self mutilation, I was at the end of my ropes. I could go no lower and I was making everyone I knew miserable around me. I couldn't have hated myself or the world more. I wanted to die desperatley.
I began to feel the presence of God sweeping through this service and before I knew I was weeping uncontrollably. I didn't know what was happening?! How could someone who critized christians and "God" at every turn be weeping before Him in an unfamiliar church?
I was baptized in Jesus name that winter.
I unfortunatley stopped going to church for 2 years , choosing to suffer instead.
Thank the Lord , He drew me back to Him and filled me with the Holy Ghost March 7th, 2007. I haven't even been saved 1 year and i am drug alcohol cigarette and depression free. Thank you Jesus!
It's real my friend. Deliverence in Jesus name is more powerful than any addiction the devil can chain you by.
There are all kinds of churches out there. unfortuneatley it's just religion! There is a true church and it's the Lord's church. Spirit filled, baptized in Jesus name people.
This is no gimmack. God isn't just a myth, as I once said. (Boy was I wrong.)
God can and will deliver you. In the name of Jesus, I pray that He will show you His love and power in your life and begin to draw you to Him.
There is no easy way to tell someone when they don't believe it, but the Lord loves you, He cares about what you are struggling with and he's waiting for you to let Him help you.

[mcmama]

OK, I get the addiction part. And Jean, yes that is true, people who smoke too much weed think they will just do stuff....later.....

Chris, bad weed is what got me to stop. It was definitely not worth it. And it sounds to me like you have some serious things going on in your life, and weed just intensifies the mood. Bad weed just makes the bad feelings even bigger.

You cannot change the past, but you must get yourself together to work and be purposeful. You cannot change your wife. You can only change yourself. Even if your wife never takes you back, you will need to be a good father to your children, and a serious source of financial, emotional, and physical support to your wife since having a medically fragile child is just overwhelming. It could be that your wife does not want to get back together with you, because it is like having another child.

I know someone who recently gave up weed as a result of turning to Christ - she realized that not only was it messing up her reactions to other medications, but that the kind of people she associated with to buy it were not doing her any good. Once she started associating with people who were clean and sober, it just didn't have the appeal it once did.

[AGM2008]

For me it was a simple issue ... Do I want my kids to follow my example. ? I smoked in college and had blast doing it but gave it up later on . A major big factor my friend ... do you want to risk getting busted .. ? with 3 mouths to feed you better get that cleared up. Good luck man , you can do it. Just think of your kids .. I have found that keeping their well being in mind has helped me make better decisions.