[monsterbab]

As the daughter of an alcoholic and the ex-wife of another, I completely respect the decision of those family members who don't want his behavior paraded in front of young family members. To tolerate his behavior at family 'occasions' is to give it the stamp of approval. This can have implications for the future expectations of your young relatives.

Like all alcolholics your husband is manipulative, and tries to find others to blame. So he's saying , "Well, you're my wife, and if it's o.k. for you to drink, it's okay for me to drink." So if you drink, his behaviou is 'your fault'. This is regardless of fact that your behavior is not 'weird' but quite normal after a glass of wine at dinner. At least I hope it is.

So the solution is quite clear, and is totally in your hands.

If he promises that so long as you don't drink, he will not drink at or before the event, AND in your experience he is sure to keep his promise, then you could ask your family if they will accept him if neither of you drink.

Not fair on you? Of course not. But it seems a small price for you to pay in order to have a unified family Christmas.

And if they don't accept this offer, that is their privilege. They are the hosts.

But if his drinking is so out of control that you can't trust him not to upset the family, then your choice is (1) go alone, or (2) don't go. This is entirely your choice and you ought not to blame any family members if you should choose either option.