[wonderwism]

Hi there,
I have some family issues that are pushing me over the edge, and I'm not sure where else to turn.
Lets start with part of the root of the problem:
My mom has had total knee replacement twice now, and is just now recovering from her most recent surgery. So, she isn't walking very well at all. A few weeks ago, my dad fell and broke his leg, and after surgery, he isn't walking at all. So, it's just three of us kids, 22, 21, and 16, doing most of the housework.
The first couple weeks were fine. We each did our part and everything was going along fine. But the last few weeks have been hell. I know I have finals coming up with projects and exams and whatnot, and therefore I haven't been doing as much as I had been.
To the 16 year old... she has over the last couple months been talking to this guy she met online. She spends hours on the phone and online talking with him. It's become such the obsession that she doesn't contribute her part much either.
Finally, the 21 year old has an attitude he can't seem to shake. He's very arrogant and acts like the world owes him something. He's rarely home, and when he is, he's either complaining about how his girlfriend may be cheating on him, and how he's going to get back at her, or he's complaining about how nothing gets done around here, and he's the only one doing anything.
I've worked it out with the sister - we seem to have a mutual understanding, and there isn't much going wrong there. But with the brother, I just don't understand why he is such a jerk all the time. It's almost as though he lives to make other people feel horrible, and it's definitely taking a toll on this house. There's only so much yelling and screaming one can take, and what's worse is that he doesn't back down to see that he's part of the problem too.
Is there any advice out there as to what I/we can do? My stress load is at it's max with school, and combined with the holiday stress as well as the stress he brings to the family situation, I'm about to explode.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now
with school,
finals,
and concerns at home.

I take it that you 3 all live with your parents at this time.
Must be pretty tough having to handle things.

Talk to your Mom & Dad about your concerns. If they want you to succede in college with finals, then there needs to be more time for you to study right now.

Get a job chart on the refrig.
Like
Make breakfast, lunch, dinner,
Fill the dishwasher,
Put away the clean dishes,
Vaccum,
Dust,
Mop the floors,
Clean the bathrooms,
Change the linens,
Do the laundry, fold, and put away.

Even if your parents cannot walk very far, they could
sort and fold clean laundry, if somebody brought them a basket of it.

Is there another adult family member that could help out right now?
Auntie or Cousin?

Could your parents afford to hire a housekeeper or chorelady
a couple of times a week?

Are you located in the USA or Canada or???

I am not certain about your parents' income, but if they are under
65, in the USA, and have a limited income, DORS might be able to help out with household chores.

(((Hugs)))

[MissyChrissy]

I was going to suggest a chore chart as well. Split it in three, rotational schedule, and all the "kids" are expected to do their part.

For the one pissing and moaning all the time...I'm sorry to say sometimes people are just miserable and there's not much you can do about it. I'd avoid confrontation...but I would maybe say, "Well, you can gripe about it, or change what you don't like." It's the truth for all of us...and I remind myself of that all the time.

Good luck with your finals. I know exactly where you're coming from because it's finals week for me too. My daughters kinda thought "finals" week meant slack time for them or something...on the contrary! It means even MORE work for them right now! lol. ah well...this too shall pass right?

How much longer do you have for school? What are you going for?

[cutnbind]

Chore chart My wife laughs because, in explaining something, I want to draw it. As a man we like to see what needs to be done, a start, a finish, and how often we need this chore done, once a week, every day...and so on. If he was working at a time when no one else was working, that says to him, he is the only one doing anything. Sorry, we are guys...thats just how we ride

[DivasMomma]

Originally Posted by cutnbind

Chore chart My wife laughs because, in explaining something, I want to draw it. As a man we like to see what needs to be done, a start, a finish, and how often we need this chore done, once a week, every day...and so on. If he was working at a time when no one else was working, that says to him, he is the only one doing anything. Sorry, we are guys...thats just how we ride

very funny...i had to list a chore chart jsut like this on my fridge for my husband...he says the same thing!


Of course family comes first, always, but they need to understand that school needs to be the next top priority in your life! Do your parents try to offer to help out with anything they can? or are they just expecting you "kids" to do everything?

[wonderwism]

Thanks so much for all of your replies!

As for school, I have a semester left and will graduate with a BA in linguistics, and I'm really excited to get a career started

I like the idea of a chore chart, but the key with one of those is that everyone pays attention to it. We actually did try it, but the only way for that to work is if everyone cares enough to abide by it. Unfortunately, the brother and the sister just don't care to have that responsibility posted somewhere.

As for things with the brother - they have gotten worse. I understand that there are days when you're just not in a good mood, but latey he's been in an "arrogant, I'm-better-than-the-rest-of-this-world" type mood. I think I'd label it as emotional verbal harassment. The anger he expels onto all of us is just scary. And there really isn't anything my parents (or anyone for that matter) can do or say to get through to him. Everything anyone says to him is spit right back in their face. It's really made life harder than it has to be right now. It's almost as if someone needs to kick him in the rear a few times and bring him back down to earth.

Is there any advice out there with regards as to how to deal with him? There are only so many tears the females of this family can cry, especially when they seem to be all for not.

[MissyChrissy]

Your parents need to put their foot down-kick him out if necessary. I don't have an age in mind of when I expect my kids to be out of the house-but if they're living here they will treat me and the others in the household with respect. Or they'll get out. What do your parents say about this? If he's 'causing anyone to feel fear that he'll cause bodily harm, that person can always call the police and have him removed.

[QueenAngie]

Do you have a video camera
or
a mini video camera on your cellphone?

Sit back quietly and video tape one of his episodes.
Play it back so he can actually see and hear his inappropriate behavior.

It is up to your parents to rein him in
with his bad behavior.

(((Hugs)))