[babydawn]

For some reason, I feel I need to share one of my brother's stories with drug addiction.

He started at a very young age....huffing gasoline at the age of 8. My parents had no idea what was he was doing. They are a very trusting couple. He has taken our family through a roller coaster of experiences and emotions. He used primarily marajuana and LSD until he caused $10,000 worth of vandelism on cars when he was around 15 and had to be in juvy for 2 months, and then 90 days on house arrest. I think that was my parents first wake up call....

While in juvy, he told me that although he was not using, that he would get sparatic hallucinations caused from the LSD (we later found out that LSD can store itself in the joints and if you crack your back or whatever just right, it will cause hallucinations, even if it has been months since the original usage). After his first encounter with the law, he was put on probation and had to do mandatory UA's. At this time he switched to something that we like to call methamphetamines aka crank. You see, crank isn't tracable by UA's, so he was able to use and not get caught by his PO. The problem was....for those of you who do not know, crank is a horribly addictive drug. His attitude and life style went down the tubes. He was lead into a lifestyle of stealing....anything and everything, breaking into others homes, stealing from my parents, stealing from my father's office....he stole in the tens of thousands worth of stuff. He even broke into my parent's gun closet and stole the one and only hand gun my father owned. (Of course my father reported it missing, and it was later found in another state, my father now refuses to own a hand gun).

His journey also lead through violent paths....one day, he was with a female friend of his, and some guys showed up, broke my brother's nose, took the girl, beat the crap out of her, then dropped her back off at my parent's house. All over drugs.....who really wants this kind of lifestyle?

He spent many times in and out of drug rehabs. One in Arizona, had almost a 100% success rate. It was an outdoor wilderness type camp. The kids were taught to survive with little or no supplies. The problem with my brother? he can run really fast, and kept running away, the instructers couldn't ever catch him. They finially told my parents that they could not keep him there because he was such a treat to himself, running off in the wilderness in Arizona can prove to be deadly without the right knowledge and supplies, especially in the summer.

He went to one in Somoa. Two days after he arrived, I got a call, he telling me that my parents needed to send him home. The staff was abusive and the American consolate had come and picked all of the kids up and now he was sitting in the American Embassy waiting for my parents to take care of him....I thought he was lying, he did, after all lie quiet often, but regardless, I called my parents anyways, ( they were in Canada at the time) and my dad told me that if that were really the case, we would be getting a call from the US government. Low and behold, the US government called a few minutes later. "Hello, this is so and so from the Secretary of the State's office, I am looking for the parents of..." you get the picture. The story was later featured on Montel Williams I found out, although my brother wasn't included on the show, being as he was only there for 2 days.

Well, down the road, my brother was smart enough to try to cash a fraudulent check. He went to prision for 6 months. I loved our visits once a week and looked forward to them. He was doing so well. He had gained weight, he had a more realistic outlook on life and had made some very positive goals. He got out in the middle of summer and with in a few weeks, was back involved with the drugs.

The last two years have been filled with ups and downs, with him realizing that he has to get free from these demons before he can lead a normal life, but feeling unable to do so. Somewhere during all of this, he was diagnosed with Schizoprenia. The doctor's still do not know if the drug abuse caused the schizoprenia, or if the schizoprenia caused the drug abuse.

Before he went to prision, I called the police on him twice. Both times were completely necessary, as I was worried he was going to harm someone else very severly if not himself...he had started shooting up the drugs with needles, the snorting it wasn't fast enough anymore. The first time, about six police cars pulled me over and surround my car, guns drawn. I cried through the whole thing, but I knew it was the right thing to do for him. As the police drove him away, he looked out the window and told me that it was all going to be okay and that he loved me.

The second time, my father had put up $30,000 for bail and he had taken off. That is a lot of money to loose and my parents needed it. I called a friend of mine who was a police officer and told them that he had come home (he had a felony warrant out for his arrest). My husband called my parents and told them that the police were on their way. My brother was asleep on the couch with a loaded assault rifle on his lap. The police sent a SWAT team that refused to go in unless everyone else in the house would evacuate (this was in the middle of the night). My father refused to leave, as my brother had expressed to my parents numerous times how he wanted to commit "suicide by police" basically go out shooting at the police so that they will shoot and kill you. So my husband and his brother, both being pretty stocky and very strong, went in and took my brother by surprise. It took both of them to hold him down until the police came. (My husband called 911 just prior to going into the house and told them what he was going to do).

He spent time in the State mental hospital, which did little good, and came home, as broken as before. He started to cut on himself.....worse than I have ever seen before. One night, as I was house sitting for my parents who were out of town with the rest of the family (they will not leave my brother home alone, for fear of him stealing more items, or even worse, him hurting himself to a point that no other's can help him) and I got a call from my dad. He said that my brother was upstairs and needed to go to the hospital. I went upstairs and knocked on his door. He opened up and his clothes were covered in blood. His shorts, his shirt, everything. He tried to convince me that he didn't need to go to the hospital, but I insisted anyways. He had cut himself, from his wrist up to his shoulder, about every 1/4 of an inch. The cuts were not deep enough to be a threat for suicide, but were deep enought that they called for medical attention. He also did this on his stomache.

On the way to the hospital, he told me things...things that the "voices" in his head said. I will not even repeat the things he said, but they were very scary. ( I later called a neighbor friend of mine who is a couselor and asked her about it, she said that it was somewhat common for people with schizophrenia to hear the things my brother heard....this made me feel somewhat better).

I sat at the hospital with him for hours that night. Talking to the social workers and what not. He threatened to run out because they were going to send him to a local mental hospital. He said that he would fight with the doctors and nurses until he got away, I broke down crying. And believe it or not, having the soft heart that he does, that made him calm down, and he promised to behave as long as I quit crying. I drove him to Intermountain Hospital and got home at about 4 o'clock in the morning.

I guess the turning point for him getting better has been when the judge he stood before, the last time, saw that his criminal actions were all done for a hunger for drugs, and told him that he must be entered into a long term drug rehab facility. He went to one called Gateway house in Arizona. He is now back and has been for several months. Although he has had a couple of relapses, he is doing remarkably well. He goes to court again tomorrow, and I am very nervous for him, I have to pray and leave it in the Lord's hands. He turns 21 on Friday.....and for some reason, I am feeling very emotional about him today and really felt that I needed to share the most dramatic points of his story. I love my brother so much....I urge any of you who might be dealing with this to NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM!!! Regardless of the hurt that they cause you, they NEED love and support to get well. They can't do it alone. I have been so blessed to have an amazing family unit. One that nothing can break.

I also write this to tell parents to get inbetween your kids and drugs any way you can. It is never to early to start talking to your kids about drugs. As you see, my brother was 8 when he started huffing gasoline. It can tear families apart. I know that my family has been blessed enormously with my brother. Although he has done a lot of hurt to us, he has not gone to the point of suicide, which, unfortunately is where a lot of parents are left, and he hasn't gone to prison for a violent crime, although it may have escalated to that, had we not fought so hard. Most of all include God. Keep your loved one in your prayers, pray for their well being, for them to not hurt others, to get well. I strongly believe that fighting is the way to go, and you can't do that for very long with out the love and support of our loving Father in Heaven.

Last but not least, educate yourselves on drug issues. Especially if you are a parent dealing with a child with a drug addiction...sometimes you just do all that you can do and it doesn't ever seem to be enough, but it is more than nothing. Learn all you can about the addiction, and try to understand your child in a sense that would be the most helpful to them....I hope and pray that none of you have to go through what my family has gone through, or worse, what a few other members have posted on this board (loosing a child's life due to drugs). And REMEBER...they CAN get better. Don't ever loose sight of that. It may take a number of years, and they do have to decide for themselves that that is what they want, but it is possible....DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!

[mcmama]

Wow, that is quite a post! You and your family have been through a lot together.
I think the important thing to realize is that you cannot change him - he has to decide to change. As long as he thinks he doesn't have a problem until he gets caught, things will go on like this. But you and your family need to keep yourselves safe and free from harm. It is good that he has been ok for a couple of months, maybe things will continue to go well. He is lucky to have a family who supports him in recovery.
While he is recovering from his addiction, so are you. Take the time to take care of yourself, and set some limits if things get out of hand again.
You mentioned the voices in his head. Was he taking the drugs to self medicate for this, or did the drugs cause his brain to go haywire?
You take care, and post again to let us know how he is doing!

[babydawn]

Thanks for your reply....I know my brother would never hurt me or any one in my family physically. I do not worry about that, and he has come to the realization that he can't go on like this forever. But addiction is a hard thing and he has a lot to overcome before he is well. He is recently engaged to a gal that he went through this last drug program with. As funny as that sounds, she has been a light in his life and has given him new hope at a normal life. They are very cute and are really motivated to make things work, recovery as well as their relationship. She is very point blank with him about drugs and refuses to be with him if he uses, as well as refusing to be with someone who runs away from his problems. I hope and pray that it all works out.

As far as the voices he heard that night (and often at that point in time in his life) they are just a hallucination caused by the schizophrenia. There was something not right with his medication at that time. Him sleeping with a loaded assault rifle on his lap is also a side effect of the schizophrenia, he is a paranoid schizophrenic...that is the medical term, always afraid that someone is out to get him. You couldn't drive down the road with him with out him looking both ways constantly saying they are going to get me....everyone from the police to people he had dealt with with drugs, he was always afraid, even if the fear was unfounded. Sometimes he DID owe people money for drugs and sometimes he DID have warrants out for his arrest, the times I am talking about are when neither of these were an issue. What people don't understand about schizophrenia is that these delusions and hallucinations are real to the person involved. They don't think there actions are rash or odd. Love and support, I think it would be a rare occassion that someone overcomes these kind of obstacles without the love and support of people in their lives that care for them.

[markbarnes19]

It sounds to me like the problems began when he was very young. Somewhere along the line, the communication was lost. My wife and I discuss this issue often. We believe the education has to begin as soon as kids are able to comprehend any part of the issue. Then, it must continue, as you suggest, throughout life. Thanks for the story and insight.

[momntraining]

I tend to disagree with this being a communication issue. My husband and I are currently going through this. We are watching our 24 year old daughter who was raised in church and taught about the dangers of drugs go through this same addiction. She just got sucked into the wrong crowd/person, had a self esteem problem. She is at the point where I hope that she realises she has to get out. She has literally lost everything. We are in the process of getting custody of her son.
I just googled looking for help or some sort of encouragement and have found this is encouraging that there is hope. Are you involved in a local support group? How active are you in your brothers rehabilitaion.

[babydawn]

I don't know about it being a communication issue. I do know that I have the most wonderful parents anyone could ever ask for, so I don't think it was any fault on their part.

momntraining-I am very sorry to hear of what you are going through. As you probably have noticed, I fully understand. I personally am not involved in any sort of local support group. My mom tried attending alanon (sp?) meetings a few times and found them to be very unhelpful, as she has such unshakable faith in Christ and they wouldn't even allow her to discuss that and it being a huge part of her getting through this. So, she quit going.

I like to think that I am very active in his rehabilitation. I love him so much, and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him, provided that it was in his best interest. He works for my husband, who goes and picks him up everyday, since he has lost his license. He lives at home with my parents right now, and I see him several times a week. The other day, while at my parents, he kind of had a "melt down." He was angry about something and came down stairs swearing and grabbed the keys to a car, my dad grabbed a hold of him and held onto him, knocking them both over the back of the couch (onto the soft part). My husband intervened by standing over him and just looking at him, which calmed him down (my brother is fully aware of my husbands ability to take him out if necessary, as talked about in my first post). My father and husband were both able to talk to him after that and get what was really bothering him out. About thirty minutes later, he called my dad to his room and asked him to take him somewhere, as he was feeling like cutting on himself again....that is a HUGE improvement, for him to call to get his own intervention. I left while they were gone. That night he called me and told me that he was okay and that he loved me.

Most of these kids are good kids that made some very bad choices for whatever reasons, and now are struggling with an addiction that is almost impossible to overcome without help. It is possible for them to get better. I believe that with all of my heart.

Good luck to you getting custody of your grandson. I hope that your daughter will come to the realization of what she has lost, and start to look for some light in her life. How is she? Keep me posted.

[cocotbo]

Wow, Babydawn, what a story! Thank you so much for sharing. You and your family will certainly be in my prayers. It is wonderful that your brother now has someone who has been where he's been and is also in recovery. I've heard that it is much easier for them to go straight if they spend time with other clean people and don't mix with old pals that they used to use with.

Mark, sometimes even the most conscientious parents can do everything right and their child still comes under a bad influence. Somebody taught that 8-year-old about huffing gasoline. All we can do is our best and deal with the rest.

Momntraining: Good luck to you. I don't envy you but I do feel for you. Nobody ever mentions it, but poor self-esteem in a young woman can open her up to all sorts of bad influences. It makes her succeptible to so many more dangers and dangerous people. I hope you can find a way to save your daughter and your grandson.

[mcmama]

It sounds like your family is on the right track, babydawn - giving him the opportunities he needs, and restraining him when he flies off the handle (like with the car keys). But understand that no one can do this 24 hours a day - the consequences of his problem are his responsibility, not because one of you didn't catch him in time.
You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it. But you are doing the right things for him to bring about the control and hopefully the cure he needs.

[momntraining]

babydawn-thanks for sharing and yes, I do notice you fully understand. There is so much more to my story that I haven't told yet. I guess I'm one that has to warm up a little first before opening up. But I do know that we are looking at a long process. The emotions of it all are just unreal.
We had our first visitation last night with my grandson. It was myself, my husband, my daughter and her husband. We only got to see the grandson for an hour. His father broke down, he started crying before we even got there and was still crying 3 hours later after we dropped them off. My daughter only cried once. I just see a shell of what she used to be. I don't even know how to describe it at this point. There are so many details I could share. My daughter is 8 1/2 months pregnant as well.
I guess right now, I'm just looking to see what I need to do to help. I don't have a lot of love for my daughters husband, I blame him for most of what she is going through, although I know she had choices and made bad ones. But I also realize they are going to need support beyond compare to get through this and be successful. Her husband has a history of this, he's 10 years older than she is and has battled drugs since he was very young. My daughter is "stupid" in love as his brother puts it. My first thought when all this started happening was getting her away from him at all costs. She said she wouldn't go to rehab without him. I have no doubt she loves him, but when do you lose hope that someone is going to change? Can he change? Is he just going to turn around one more time and do it all over again dragging her with him.
If anyone has any advice for me. Or you need to hear more of the history of this I'm open. I just want to see them both healed and if not both of them, at least my daughter. My grandson deserves a shot at normal life. He is an angel.
Thanks for all your encouragement.

[Angeljoe]

I'm reading a great book about addiction and recovery. This book is Oprah's book club choice for last month. It's called A million little pieces. The author is James Frey. I don't have an addiction but I can't put this book down. I would recommend this to anyone with an addiction or family or friends of a person with addictions. You can learn more about this book at www.oprah.com. My ex-husband was very addicted to every thing you can imagine... This book has put me in a place to understand some of the things he felt while we were suffering with his addictions. We have been divorced for 10 years and after all of these years I can feel compassion for him. A million little pieces made a huge impression on me. I never understood why my ex could be so mean and heartless sometimes, but now reading this book has helped me let go of the past. Please Please take time to read this if you have a person you love addicted to drugs.