[christal4321]

Im new here so I hope this is where I put this......I have 2 girls ages 9 and 6(soon to be 7) they fight CONSTANTLY!,we just cant take it anymore.Every one in my house is going to go crazy from all the yelling and anger in our home.MOST of the time its my 6 year old who starts it,she starts it and she wont stop till she finishes it,always must have the last "hit".......its gotten so bad that I try my best not to leave the house with both of them because they hurt each other in the back of the car nonstop............they hit,scratch,pinch,bite,pull hair,choke,slap,kick,spit,scream and yell,calling names.........its everyday nothing can go smooth and easy or peacefull......nothing I try has worked,I know they will fight but this is wayyyyyyyy beyond normal,my 9 year old is moth the time the sweetest calmest peacefull child ever but with her lil sister she stays upset most the day......I DO NOT want to put my 6 year old on meds at all,she is not hyper at all,she has her sweet moments too but 80% of the time she is causing trouble..........Me and my husband have talked about it and decided that we will wait untill school is out and if nothing has changed in our home that we will take her to the doctor and see what are options for meds are,as much as it hurts me to do that......

our home is not happy,can anyone help, I will try anything at this point..... Ifeel like the most horrible mother in the world,I feel like I have already failed them as a parent,I am always ill and snappy and seems im always yelling,no matter how hard I try,if I dont yell I cry,but I just cant take it anymore.

If anyone knows of anything to try PLEASE let me know
Thanks
,christal

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Just reading your story, I can tell you are a loving and caring Mom.

We all want that perfect family picture, but that isn't exactly real life.
We just have to do our best.

May I suggest that you and the 6 yo both go for a complete physical with your doctors.

Sounds like the stress at home has you maybe a bit on the depressed side. Your yelling and being snappy is not helping
and that could be a symptom of depression. Medication that
could help takes 3 weeks to start working.

Next, the 6 yo daughter. I wonder if she is not hitting and screaming at school, why is she doing it at home?
To get attention?

Hitting and other physical actions are not acceptable behavior. No. Not at all. Your older 9 yo should not have have to be hit or abused by the younger sister.

I wonder if the 6 yo is not having an ADHD issue or another health issue.
I would not wait until the end of the school year to find out what is wrong.

A home should be a place of comfort, love, happiness, and giggles.
A home should not be a place of abuse, yelling, and pain.

Consistency in parenting is necessary.

Every time she hits once, she gets a time out.

Every single time she hits once, she gets a time out.

I wrote that twice so there was no confusion.

Please let me know how things are going for you and the rest of the family.

All the best!

[christal4321]

Hi,thanks

I am planning on a trip to the doctor for myself because I do think I need help with this,and yes her bad behavior has been happening at school it started at school before it started at home.......I have took her to her primary care doctor,he just gave us some ideas to work on and has not said "you need to take her ...."

also I try my best to be very very consistent always punnishing her for every time even though sometimes we are in places to where that is not possible right that very moment,I always make a count out loud so she knows when she gets home she will then pay for her actions and how many times she was being punished for......but she is at 10 min time out periods right now,and usualy takes 5 min and she is right back to it..........as long as she is not mad and angry she will be just fine,but when she is watch out! she hits walls stomps feet smart mouths.....but its all fairly new not so much the fighting is new but it is much much much more frequent,but the smart mouth toward adults is very new
I just really do not want to put her on meds if it can be helped,but I will not risk the whole family's emotions for that...........so now we are at a place to where we are saying if it means having her on meds for the sake of all of us being in a much more happy home then I guess it is what we will do......I just really dont think its an ADHD problem

[Momof2kids]

My kids ages 8-girl and 9-boy have times where they constantly fight too. I think this is perfectly normal and as parents we know which one is the trouble maker. However, sometimes what I find is helpful is to remove one of the children from that situation and re-focus the attention elsewhere. Also, I have written down expectations and household rules as to what I expect from each of my kids and somehow that is helpful that they can see the "rules". My kids are also aware of if the break the rules/expectations what they will loose. Time outs don't work for us..only sometimes but taking away the favorite toy, treat, game,after-school event,....that is more effective because it becomes a reality for them. I, too believe, that consistancy is the key...but as a mom I know sometimes it is hard. Maybe sitting down with a family meeting explaining that you and your husband are together on this and that these are the rules....maybe that will help. It did for us. Good Luck,

[MomFlKeys]

I don't know if you can do this but my son's used to fight and argue at ages 6 and 8. I took my sons to my moms house one day and my mom watched their behavior during the day and she looked at me and said, Don't you remember what we did with you and your sister. I said no she said it's time to move them to different bedrooms. Give them space. When you found out your sister was not always going to be there for you to pick on you became best friends. She said I took you to your room and helped you pack up your things and moved you to another bedroom as I was helping I had a talk with you about how it's time you had your own room that you were a big girl now. I also told you that to keep the big girls room you had to act like a big girl and no more fighting with your sister or you would go back to sharing a room. She said it took a couple of days to remind me but after that I missed my sister and wanted to be with her as friends. I don't know if they share a room now, but I did what my mom said and it worked it took my boys only a few nights because one morning I woke up and the oldest was in the youngest bed and the next night the youngest was in the older ones bed. Now don't get me wrong they still argue sometimes but that is normal but not anything like they did. They seem to always want to be together. Maybe this will work for you it worked for me. Thank God for Grandmothers and there wisdom.

[christal4321]

We had the same idea!

we had to add on a bedroom because of this,just so they could have there own rooms hoping it would help,but the problem has only gotten worse. Now they fight over one of them coming into the others room!! I feel we have tried EVERYTHING!

I took myself to the doctor and have gotten a antidepressant,and I hope it will help me to handle all of it better, but they will take a month to take effect they said, this is a first for me.......
thank you everyone for your input! I hope more people reply! I would love to try new ideas! im just all out of them = (

[DK615617]

Do you ever get to spend time with the younger one by herself? It sounds like she is looking for attention.

[mrmnmom82]

I agree, Mother-Daughter dates and Fatther-Daughter dates are very important. It lets them know there are no favorites, no bad guy. Each one is loved individually. And maybe on the date express how much you enjoy her when she is calm and happy.

[lacih8607]

my sister and i are the same age difference apart as your girls. we used to fight all the time until i was about 13 or so. we went months where we would yell at each other everyday, and then the next months not even talk at all. but when we would fight (like hit or scream, pull hair, etc), my mom would sit us both on the couch and make us hold hands, we couldn't have the tv on or anything, we had to talk to each other, but the whole time (it was about an hour), we had to hold hands at least. when our time was up, we had to get up, hug each other, and tell each other we loved the other. it was horrible, and i hated it, but it calmed us down, and after that we could play nicely together. but as soon as another fight started, we would be back on the couch! like i said, once i turned about 13 we started to be okay with each other, but when we were about the same age as your girls it was ugly for awhile!

[christal4321]

Originally Posted by lacih8607

my sister and i are the same age difference apart as your girls. we used to fight all the time until i was about 13 or so. we went months where we would yell at each other everyday, and then the next months not even talk at all. but when we would fight (like hit or scream, pull hair, etc), my mom would sit us both on the couch and make us hold hands, we couldn't have the tv on or anything, we had to talk to each other, but the whole time (it was about an hour), we had to hold hands at least. when our time was up, we had to get up, hug each other, and tell each other we loved the other. it was horrible, and i hated it, but it calmed us down, and after that we could play nicely together. but as soon as another fight started, we would be back on the couch! like i said, once i turned about 13 we started to be okay with each other, but when we were about the same age as your girls it was ugly for awhile!

UGH! thank you so much! it makes me feel better to know that they might now hate each other there whole lives!!!

I have made them sit down and hold hands several times but when we get to the hug afterwards and the I love yous they are so mean and hatefull ,makes me wanna make um sit back down for 3 hours!!
I think we have made a VERY small but an improvement I have seen around here!!
I we always have "momma and me time" it has been something they have gotten all there lives,so that they know I love them as an individual and take that time to praise them....

thanks for the replies!