[kwilliamsrn]

Hi. I am guardian to an 11 year old boy in addition to my own. His mother is a drug addict and my best friend of 20 years. I took him a little more than 6 months ago when she was homeless and taking him from this home to that home and he was missing large blocks of school at a time. She is now clean for about 4 months, but is still struggling to get on her feet. I allowed her to move in with me for 3 months to save money (and she is) to get her own place. Here's where my problem comes in:
I've observed the boy to have what I call an unhealthy attachment to her. He requests to sleep with her often and cries when she says no--though she gives into him more often than not. He seems to be fixated on her breasts, often touching them (through her clothing) or even sometimes putting his face into her breasts. She tells him to stop, but isn't very stern about it. He has other behavior issues that I find disturbing too like being "dirty minded"--he construes everything into sexual humor like he talks about body parts and sex a little too much for a kid his age. He is very small for his age--looks like a 7 or 8 year old and his behavior is usually just dismissed as being cute. He uses this often to manipulate everyone around him...or attempt to do so.
I'm wondering if he may have been sexually abused in the past, though I've asked his mother and him about it and they both deny that anything happened. I'm sorry this is long, but I wanted to hear some other opinions on the subject. Do you think that it's unnatural for a boy to sleep with his mother at this age like I do? Mom disagrees and doesn't see anything wrong with allowing him to sleep with her.
Thanks,
Kathie

[JeanLynn81]

If he was being pulled from home to home, with most of those homes belonging to drug addicts, then the chances of him being sexually abused are very high. Sexual abuse doesn't have to be done through direct touching. It can include: adults talking to him about sex, and showing him sex (pictures or movies, internet, or directly in front of him). I'm sure he may have seen or heard alot of things he shouldn't have.

If you have taken on responsibility as guardian, and if you care deeply about this issue, I might suggest probing a little bit further to find out just what he's been put through. Is there an adult male figure around that he trusts, that can have a healthy "birds and the bees" talk with him?

You have a good heart for caring so much, and taking them in. Good luck and please keep us updated!