[wahmof1]

I have a 4 year old dd who has a best friend that lives in the neighborhood. The girls are not quite a year apart in age - mine being older. They play a couple times a week always supervised play dates. With my dd being older she goes through "stages" or "phases" first. As with kids, the girls have had disagreements that have escalated from verbal to physical. Unfortunately, my daughter does her fair share to contribute to the situation and has been physical as well as verbal during the disagreements. I deal with the issue when it happens as I think I should do. Usually a time out takes care of things, sometimes, we have to end the playdate. The other mother however, ignores that her child is just as aggressive as mine and had labeled my child a bully. She has selective memory apparently and even goes so far as to say she doesn't remember specific incidents even when they happened literally at her feet. Apparently the only altercations she can recall are the ones where my daughter has misbehaved. My daughter has even been blamed for incidents that involve phyical altercations between her daughter and son.
I finally had to speak up and confronted the other mother. She looked at me as though I have three heads. She feels her daughter cannot possibly be aggressive either verbally or physically even though her daughter attacks her during tantrums - pulling hair, scratching, kicking, etc. She apparently thinks her child would never verbally provoke or physically charge another child. Even though we've both been present when it's occurred.
I know this post is long, but I am looking for advice. I really don't my child to lose her first friend, but I don't want her to be labeled a monster when she's 4 years old and still learning and when the other child is every bit as aggressive as she is. How would you handle the situation?
TIA
wahmof1

[Alejandros Mommy]

If it was my child I would remove them from the situation. Your little girl is 4. She doesn't need to think that someone hitting her is normal. Its good you disciple her when she does it...but "teaching" her, I used that term loosely, that it is ok for someone else to do this to her when it is not ok for her to do it is not good for your little one.

Most likely she will enter school next year. She will have interaction with kids her age and make more friends.

[kzara]

I agree with Lesly, find someone else to play with before someone gets hurt.
My DD doesn't remember her Kindergarden classmates (she's 11 now). But she does remember hitting her head on the slide when she was three and falling off the teeter-totter when she was four.
Your daughter will not need therapy because you didn't let her play with the other girl, but she will remember if the other girl hits her with a sand shovel and makes her bleed.
Also consider your needs, you cannot trust this mom to watch the girls together so that responsibility is yours everytime.
Personally I would want a playdate where they come to my house one day and the other parents the next to give the moms a break once in awhile.