[shoshanna]

How do you help your kids stay connected to grandparents who live hours away? We only see my parents and DH's parents a few times a year because travle is so expensive.

[cocotbo]

We live in Montana. My parents live in Florida and my husband's parents live in Minnesota.

My parents are continuously telling us it is too expensive to come see us while my husband's parents will drive two days to get here and spend their entire time here playing and going places with our son. The way I see it, grandparents are all adults and can make their own decisions. My parents could manage the occasional visit if it were a priority to them. (I will never say this to my son!)

My son, as a result of my husband's parents' interest, is very comfortable with them and just adores them. My parents are just loud strangers that he isn't comfortable with at all. (Compare the Fockers with the Bunkers and you've got a pretty good idea of the situation.)

My inlaws make use of their computer and webcam often and we do video conferencing so that they can see our son and he can see them. It is a fun (and cheap) way to visit when you can't do it in person. We also make videos several times a year to send to all the grandparents.

[Tsunshine]

My kids love to get mail from their grandparents. Now that my son is old enough he also likes to write letters. We try and go visit a few times a year, and my parents come and see us a few times a year as well. For example we went down for Thanksgiving (along with my other siblings) and they came to see us for Christmas. I also send pictures through e-mail and updates. I also let my kids talk on the phone with them.
My mother-in-law comes a lot less frequently, and we visit her less frequently as well. Simply because there are no cousins that live close to her. So when we visit her it's just her. She can only play so long before she gets tired, plus her house is so small that the adults have to always be in the same room as the kids. (It's a sore spot with my mother-in-law, but we invite her to our house all the time, where we have more room and toys. She just doesn't come.) When we visit my parents we also see cousins that are the same ages as my kids, for them seeing their cousins is better than seeing their grandparents.

[Helen]

[quote=Tsunshine]We try and go visit a few times a year, and my parents come and see us a few times a year as well.
My husband and I are retired...we live about 4 hours from my daughter and her family. Over the last several months we have been working on plans to move to the southwest, 2,000 miles from my daughter. I've been having serious separation anxiety and now, I've just learned that she and her husband are having problems in their marriage. She is optimistic, she says, but now my anxiety has gone through the roof. My husband, who wants very much to move, does not want to change our plans. He points out that we can afford for me to fly back to be with my daughter regularly and we are fairly certain that she and the two girls could come out to us at least for a visit during the summer. The flight is too long for weekends.
I'd love to hear from others who have advice and insight...I am close to my grandchildren and worship my daughter. My poor husband has felt like he comes last on the list!
Yikes. Helen

[heritagemom]

We have never lived near our parents and we have the same problem. It's hard to keep the kids in touch if the grandparents are so busy or "have excuses" that keep them away. I've recently started making books for my children so they will know my family and his better. My parents are gone, and I'm so excited that I can publish books about their lives and that my kids will grow up reading about how my mother grew up, what her life was like, where she went to school etc. They will probably know my parents better than I DID growing up as I dig into the research and memories of her siblings. It's a wonderful gift.

I don't obsess about the grandparents that aren't close or who refuse to be. Nothing I can do about it. But my kids have a rich relationship with my family members that they see the most often and they know they are loved.

My Site

[MaryH]

[quote=Helen]

Originally Posted by Tsunshine

We try and go visit a few times a year, and my parents come and see us a few times a year as well.
My husband and I are retired...we live about 4 hours from my daughter and her family. Over the last several months we have been working on plans to move to the southwest, 2,000 miles from my daughter. I've been having serious separation anxiety and now, I've just learned that she and her husband are having problems in their marriage. She is optimistic, she says, but now my anxiety has gone through the roof. My husband, who wants very much to move, does not want to change our plans. He points out that we can afford for me to fly back to be with my daughter regularly and we are fairly certain that she and the two girls could come out to us at least for a visit during the summer. The flight is too long for weekends.
I'd love to hear from others who have advice and insight...I am close to my grandchildren and worship my daughter. My poor husband has felt like he comes last on the list!
Yikes. Helen

We have 4yr TRIPLET grandchildren! When they were 6wks..our daughter went thru a terrible bout of PPD..and we had our granddaughter for weeks. Since that time..I watch all 3 >>>2 days a wk..and she stays here for 2 1/2 days every week for 4yrs. We just found out that we must move because of my husband's job..7 hrs away. For a month I have been crying constantly....when she leaves here..as she's hugging us..she starts crying and saying " I already miss you"
We need to know how to tell her we're moving away? We know we can fly them down and parents already said we can have hjer during the summer...but the inital shiock of telling them..how do we start? Thanks in advance.

[Helen]

[quote=MaryH]

Originally Posted by Helen

I watch all 3 >>>2 days a wk..and she stays here for 2 1/2 days every week for 4yrs. We just found out that we must move because of my husband's job..7 hrs away. We need to know how to tell her we're moving away? We know we can fly them down and parents already said we can have her during the summer...but the inital shiock of telling them..how do we start? Thanks in advance.

Oh, dear. What a wrenching situation. Have you told your daughter that you are moving? Can you feel reassured that she will be all right without your weekly help? Telling the grandchildren, and especially the grandaughter you keep so regularly, is not going to be easy or simple. I'm sitting her wracking my brain for a way other that to sit down with her, with a map so you can show her where you will be going, and be ready for both of you to grieve. Reassurances that you will still be part of her life, that you will phone, that you will send photos, that she will visit you and you will visit her should help, but let's face it, this is going to be an awful change in both your lives. There is no easy way. I think there could be bad ways to tell her, for example to make it a surprise ("Granddaddy and I are moving next week."). She needs time to get used to the idea while you are still nearby. My granddaughters are 6 and 11, we will be going 2,000 miles away, and there will be no more periodic weekend visits from them to us, but you can bet I'll be on that plane regularly and lobbying for spring break and summer visits. Good luck. Let us know what you do and how it works out.
Helen

[MaryH]

[quote=Helen]

Originally Posted by MaryH

Oh, dear. What a wrenching situation. Have you told your daughter that you are moving? Can you feel reassured that she will be all right without your weekly help? Telling the grandchildren, and especially the grandaughter you keep so regularly, is not going to be easy or simple. I'm sitting her wracking my brain for a way other that to sit down with her, with a map so you can show her where you will be going, and be ready for both of you to grieve. Reassurances that you will still be part of her life, that you will phone, that you will send photos, that she will visit you and you will visit her should help, but let's face it, this is going to be an awful change in both your lives. There is no easy way. I think there could be bad ways to tell her, for example to make it a surprise ("Granddaddy and I are moving next week."). She needs time to get used to the idea while you are still nearby. My granddaughters are 6 and 11, we will be going 2,000 miles away, and there will be no more periodic weekend visits from them to us, but you can bet I'll be on that plane regularly and lobbying for spring break and summer visits. Good luck. Let us know what you do and how it works out.
Helen

thanks! I've talked to my daughter and we've put the kids in PK and found a HS girl to help late afternoons. The boys are in a Special Ed. Program and she's gifted. My husband and I have always pd for all he extra's and other grandparents pay for the boys! We've thought of when the new house is almost completed..to take her and Mom and show them..we'd drive so she'd understand how far I'll be? When I say I cry daily is no joke. No matter how often we visit..in my heart it will never be the same..as Im with them so much now!

[Helen]

[quote=MaryH]

Originally Posted by Helen

When I say I cry daily is no joke. No matter how often we visit..in my heart it will never be the same..as Im with them so much now!

Oh, I do understand. For two months we've been talking about moving and the emotional pain over the distance has torn me apart. In my heart I know we need a change...we are in a rut and no longer enjoy the suburban life we're living on the east coast. I love my husband dearly, he has always done what I wanted, and now he asks for this adventure. My daughter and I have pledged to fly back and forth to visit, but I also know that the spur of the moment weekends with my grandchildren will be over. We are 4 hours away from them at the moment and are not as much in their lives as your are with your grandchildren, but I believe I can identify with the distress you are feeling.

[grandpa1917m]

Hello, I'm an 'old, old' Too-faraway Grandpa, new to this website, and my name is Mike. I occasionally write stories, vignettes and essays based on my experiences in reaching out to grandkids across distance. My hope, in these writings in is to demonstrate one elderly lay person's approach to fostering positive understandings between generations in the context of family, school, community and culture. Where I can do so, I suggest models. Here's an example, and I appreciate comments here, especially on how YOU strengthened your relationships with your distant grandkids, whatever their ages -- and other circumstances.

YOUR FIRST LETTER TO A DISTANT GRANDCHILD

(Don't let that blank sheet of paper or the empty 'New Blank Document' on your computer screen intimidate you. Here's a model that you can work with to suit your situation.)


‘Grandma and Grandpa have moved to a house that is far from where you live. We'll still see each other as often as we can, but sometimes the wait will be just a little bit longer. One way for us to visit is by telephoning. Another is by our writing letters and emails that Mom or Dad will read aloud to you. I'll start my writing to you by telling a little about Grandmas and Grandpas.

‘Grandmas and Grandpas are older than mothers and fathers. They usually have gray hair or white hair. Sometimes, Grandpas have no hair at all, but that's all right because then Grandpas won't need to use a comb and hairbrush every morning.

‘Grandmas and Grandpas like to take grandchildren to the zoo to see the elephants and the deer and the monkeys. They also like to take grandchildren to the park to ride on the merry-go-round, and to the lake to throw breadcrumbs to the ducks and the geese and the swans.

‘On the way home from the zoo or the park, Grandmas and Grandpas and Grandchildren stop the Bakery. There, they stand at the counter and smell the fresh bread, and buy cookies and cakes for desserts.

‘Grandmas and Grandpas like to play games with grandchildren, listen to grandchildren tell what happened in the park and at school, and answer questions. They especially like to read stories to grandchildren from big books with lots of pictures.

‘Grandmas and Grandpas like to hold grandchildren in their laps and hug them. Grandpas also like to shake hands, or pat grandchildren on their heads. That is a little bit about Grandmas and Grandpas and Grandchildren.’