[saimaeman]

Me and my mom have a very special relationship because she has me as her only adopted daughter (psychologically, mentally, physically not legally). She loves me and is the world's only type! (unique) mom! There is no one like her; people get astonished when they come to know the extent to which she is involved in my life. Some say she is spoon feeding; but really we have a very special relationship. However, sometimes we entagle into a vicious depressive cycle. She is extremely sensitive, impatient, gets anxious readily, worries over small things, etc. She believes that when she feels something strongly she should say it but if the other person reacts strongly she wants that person to feel ashamed and admit his/her mistake! Is that right? For example, when i came to this new country I was busy with exploring the new place and new people; I did not know where to make my 74 year old mom sit; unfortunately she had to wait for half an hour or may be one hour near a bus stop and when I came to her she cried like anything, abused me infront of everyone on the street when I told her about my limitations, appointments, restrictions and helplessness. She continued complaining and in the end she threatened to leave me all by myself in this foreign country; as a result I reacted, was emotional and said that she should leave me (as a gesture that I was not threatened by her intimidation) and she took it to her heart and today after about 6 months of this event she exploded again; I had forgotten that event! and she said if I hugged her that time everything would have been ok!
Could anyone tell me; I did not do it deliberately; and in that heat of emotions when she was kicking me back; how could I hug her? Was it possible for me to hug her when she was lashing out at me! abusing me the worst abuses infront of everyone! Whose fault is it? and who should and should not apologize? Who should and should not learn to forgive? She always does this keeps bad things in mind till she tells about 2-3 relatives/friends. Is this her nature? or anyone in these circumsatnces would do it like this? She still argues with me or withdraws herself; she makes me cry and then she is satisfied! and says in the end it is always me who admits mistakes! Is it necessary to admit mistakes if one is a human being? and be ashamed to wash off the sins? Is this the grief for which we were born? I cried alot today; really! this is love all about hurting others and feeling hurt! and when we scratch the whole thing we find just an hour of petty silly thing on which years of grief and sorrow are based! How sad! this is more shameful than anything else!
Is it because of her star? She is a Saggitarian and I am a virgo (at the border of libra!)

[vanaden]

I don't know about the stars, honey , but I know that sometimes people are just flat out narcasistic( however you spell that). Sometimes people can't see past their own emotions, feelings or situation long enough to realize how they are effecting/affecting someone else.
I know first hand about having a narcasistic mother, believe you me. It is extremely hard to deal with and I have spent plenty of my time crying because of her. But at some point you realize, you are a human being with your own feelings and noone can make you feel ashamed if you don't let them. Don't stop standing up for yourself when it is appropriate. Of course, if we really have caused an issue, and it is our place to apologize, we should.
I hope this helps!