[ready4change]

I have a girlfriend who I am very serious about. I also have female friends! How do I bring those two worlds together? My female friends know of my girlfriend and vice versa but it doesn't make sense to keep them seperated. Should I simply have a get together? How should I approach this to make my girlfriend comfortable?

[stillparentingafteralltheseyears]

My husband of 1 1/2 years had female friends also. When we were dating I met them one or 2 at a time when we went out. A get together would have been overwhelming for me, but that is just me. Ask your gf what she thinks, if she would like you to have a get together, do so. If not, invite one or 2 of them to meet you and your gf when you are going out. My husband is very into singing karaoke, so that was where we usually met. It was a good way for us to get to know one another one on one or two at a time. Ironically, once we got married, the female friends kind of melted away, though we do see some of them occasionally when we go out. One in particular and I have become friends and my husband is now good friends with one of my best friends, and also my adult daughter.

Getting her opinion is the key here for success.

[letschildproofdotcom]

let them all meet up and have dinner.

[shawspear]

I don't think you can bring them together and I don't think she will ever become comfortable with you having female friends on the side. To me that is just so obvious: girlfriends and "female" friends don't mix well once you become serious with a woman. And what, gonna' go run to one of your female friends for solace when you get in a fight with your girlfriend? If she finds out, that is without doubt the quickest way for your girlfriend to begin hating one of your female friends.

I mean I can't even lie and say, "well I guess there are some women who wouldn't mind" because I honestly don't think there are any.

I believe you need to begin cutting your connections with your female friends otherwise you're going to have drama in your relationship with your girlfriend unless your female friends find boyfriends and then all of you hang out together and even in that case, your girlfriend is always going to be hyper-sensitive to you showing any sort of "affection" to your female friends.

[stillparentingafteralltheseyears]

Shawspear, here is one woman who has NO problem with my husband having female friends now or before we got married. As for showing affection, my husband not only hugs and kisses his female friends, he does so to my female friends also. There is NO hypersensitivity here. We both know we love and care for each other and there is no jealousy on either part.

If a woman is secure and not a jealous person, there should be no problem. I know my husband had many friends before we met and so did I. We did choose to make an agreement not to continue to be friends with anyone we had had an intimate relationship with, but we do know people who continue to associate with previous bfs amd gfs with no problems.

There is no set formula for previous friends, male or female. Whatever you work out between yourselves will work, with love and trust.

[MissyChrissy]

Originally Posted by shawspear

I don't think you can bring them together and I don't think she will ever become comfortable with you having female friends on the side. To me that is just so obvious: girlfriends and "female" friends don't mix well once you become serious with a woman. And what, gonna' go run to one of your female friends for solace when you get in a fight with your girlfriend? If she finds out, that is without doubt the quickest way for your girlfriend to begin hating one of your female friends.

I mean I can't even lie and say, "well I guess there are some women who wouldn't mind" because I honestly don't think there are any.

I believe you need to begin cutting your connections with your female friends otherwise you're going to have drama in your relationship with your girlfriend unless your female friends find boyfriends and then all of you hang out together and even in that case, your girlfriend is always going to be hyper-sensitive to you showing any sort of "affection" to your female friends.

Honey, there are many, MANY, secure women who do not have an issue with their husbands having female friends.

To the OP, how did you introduce your male friends? imo, it's the same thing.

[stillparentingafteralltheseyears]

We made plans to meet and went out together. My husband is now friends with all of my male friends. some have gfs or wives and some don't. My husband has a lot of friends, some he sees on his own, they go fishing or plan outings with their children and my stepsons. Sometimes they just hang out together especially when I am working and my husband is off.

It is healthy for any relationship to continue friendships. I would never expect my husband to just sit around and wait for me to be available for him to socialize. Frankly, it is sometimes boring for me to listen to the guys talk work, fishing or whatever "male" bonding conversation they have. I really only "clicked" with one of the wives and now that couple is getting divorced! Go figure! I have chosen not to muddy the waters by staying in touch with her. After all, these were his friends originally, not mine.

It certainly works for us and can work for any couple who is trusting.

[shawspear]

Ok ladies. I was wrong to implicate all women. Sorry. I still find it hard to believe women don't mind; I think most, the vast majority, would. My question then is his girlfriend one of those "secure" women? Be nice if she could reply to the thread. She could just say, "I'm her and I'm secure about it and shawspear doesn't know what he's talking about!".

[littleKelly]

I couldnt agree more with this statement. i am very confident and i believe it is good for my husband to have his female friends that he does do the same hug an kiss with no jelousy from me, but its two way street i do the same to my male friend kissing can be a very healthy thing for friends to do atleast i find it does build the connection and helps the relationship to grow. this also creates passion at home with my husband when we see each other kissing another. now i dont know if hes ever gone farther then just the kissing but i wouldnt be upset if he did as it would be out of the heat of the moment and not so much a planned event.
Shawspear, here is one woman who has NO problem with my husband having female friends now or before we got married. As for showing affection, my husband not only hugs and kisses his female friends, he does so to my female friends also. There is NO hypersensitivity here. We both know we love and care for each other and there is no jealousy on either part.

If a woman is secure and not a jealous person, there should be no problem. I know my husband had many friends before we met and so did I. We did choose to make an agreement not to continue to be friends with anyone we had had an intimate relationship with, but we do know people who continue to associate with previous bfs amd gfs with no problems.

There is no set formula for previous friends, male or female. Whatever you work out between yourselves will work, with love and trust.

[Jaderia]

One of my best friends is male, I introduced my hubs to him right away. The man stood up in our wedding. This is very possible. I don't think it's a big deal at all. But if you make it a big deal, it will be.