[jgreene]

I have two children and am lucky enough to live near my entire family, but my mom never visits or helps with the kids! It is odd, because when we do see her (once every 1-2 months or so), she is extremely friendly and says she loves everyone, etc. My children are both very young (1 and 4), and I could use a lot more help, but mom just doesn't seem interested.

Does anyone else have this kind of situation? It's hard to know how to approach her about it; wouldn't she be helping more if she wanted to?

[C A T]

Originally Posted by jgreene

I have two children and am lucky enough to live near my entire family, but my mom never visits or helps with the kids! It is odd, because when we do see her (once every 1-2 months or so), she is extremely friendly and says she loves everyone, etc. My children are both very young (1 and 4), and I could use a lot more help, but mom just doesn't seem interested.

Does anyone else have this kind of situation? It's hard to know how to approach her about it; wouldn't she be helping more if she wanted to?

Girl I know how you feel.My MIL Lives In Houston and we never hear from her.She always wants us to make trips to Houston with Our 4 children
9 year old girl
5 year old boy
3 year old girl
2 year old boy.
It is just her and she wont make the effort to come h\see her grand children even knowing that we are always willing to have her stay with us at any given time.We have told her repeatedly that she is welcomed.
I understand what your going through.Wish I had some advice but to be honest.I'm not sure myself how to deal with this....

[jgreene]

Thank you for your thoughts! It is good to know other people are dealing with this, too! The kids and I are actually going on a weekend trip with my mom very soon, so they will have some bonding time then. Still, it seems it is always on her terms! I guess one must just accept what folks have to give sometimes, and value that, if the relationship is important enough...

[beth]

Maybe your mother doesn't want to be seen as one of those interfering mothers, so she's waiting for you to ask for help. (Believe me, the interfering ones aren't good either!). Or maybe she is a woman who raised her children, wasn't a natural earth-mother type, and is happy to have stepped back from the mothering role. Maybe you should ask!!! You could be direct and ask her outright as to why she doesn't seem to want a close relationship with your kids, or be more indirect, and ask her for help and see how she responds. At least it will stop you wondering why she is like she is.

[seeemilywrite]

I agree with beth. Maybe she is waiting for you to invite her to spend time with the kids. Having a grandmotehr who wants to spend excessive amounts of time with the gradkids is often seem more as meddling than helping. Ask her to babysit one night,.

[writehandgirl]

I have to say that I had a less than warm grandmother. I think everyone gets caught up in the ideal of grandmothers, but at the end of the day, grandmothers are like the rest of the human race. Some are good, some are not-so-good, and some just downright stink.

[beth]

Originally Posted by writehandgirl

I have to say that I had a less than warm grandmother. I think everyone gets caught up in the ideal of grandmothers, but at the end of the day, grandmothers are like the rest of the human race. Some are good, some are not-so-good, and some just downright stink.

Yeah, they're not all appled-cheeked sweeties. Some women are not that into children, weren't that much into their own, and hence are not into their grandchildren. When my sister in law had her first baby, her parents in law told her point blank that they would not be doing ANY babysitting at all. She was flabbergasted, not that she had any intentions of dumping the kids anyway, but ti was so bald. Now they have moved to another state and the generations do not really know each other. Shame, but that's life somethimes.

[floridamama]

Wow! I am going through the same situation! My Mom & Dad live only 40 minutes away from us, and have nothing to do with my kids! We'll see them occasionally but only if I make the effort to go to them, and then, my Mom puts on this big act saying things like "Gosh, the kids don't want anything to do with me!" or "They are just getting so big...I feel like I never see them!" That one's my favorite! !
I have tried & tried to get them involved with the kids, and it seems like the only one they want anything to do with is my oldest daughter. She's 11, and the other ones are 2 & 4. They'll invite my oldest to stay the night and go shopping and such together...but when my little 4 yr. old cries and says to my Mom..."Ga-Ga, I want to go to your house too!" She just goes...aawwww. What is that? Ugh!
I've talked to her and my Dad several times about their lack of involvement and lack of bond with the children but they just don't seem to care. I never would have pegged my parents to be this type of Grandparents...it is such a disappointment.
But oh well, it's also their loss!

[shanaynay32]

Originally Posted by C A T

Girl I know how you feel.My MIL Lives In Houston and we never hear from her.She always wants us to make trips to Houston with Our 4 children
9 year old girl
5 year old boy
3 year old girl
2 year old boy.
It is just her and she wont make the effort to come h\see her grand children even knowing that we are always willing to have her stay with us at any given time.We have told her repeatedly that she is welcomed.
I understand what your going through.Wish I had some advice but to be honest.I'm not sure myself how to deal with this....

ME TOO ME TOO!
My mom visits, my mother-in-law visits, but..... the ex-in laws fight for visitation and to have the kids go over five states away??? I have 8, 6, 4, 2 and they want us to take what money we have left to go drive five states away??? They are just two of them and they should come here! Yeah for that. K, so the advice? Tell 'em exactly this..... you come to us!

[missingTrixie]

Hi there kids. I am not sure how I should respond to the letters about granparents and visiting with grandchildren. I have 6 grandchildren of my own. One I do not get to see at all, as my son is divorced, and ex won't allow it. My son is not seeing his children at all (or us a a matter of fact), but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed to see grandchild. I love to spend time with grandkids, but lets face it girls there are going to be differing opinions on this issue, and I see both sides because I'm there! lol I still work full time, so I am tired. I also with my husband own 9 rental properties that we have to work on a lot, yard care as well. Then I have my own stuff to do like housework, yard work, grocery shopping, doc visits (my husband is a newly diagnosed diabetic) etc. Then gee, he and I enjoy just one on one time for each other, we have to squeeze that in as well. I made a mistake as a teen and had my first child VERY young. The father ditched on us. So I have been raising kids for many years (my own choice I know). Now, I figure this is MY time...ya know? I don't think we should be EXPECTED to keep anyone elses kids after all, they have parents. However, I do spend a lot of time with my grandkids, and love them all. I have one right now, had 4 last weekend, but there are times when I want no children, and feel I deserve a little ME time. My parents NEVER kept my kids, and were lousy grandparents, to the extent there were no birthday cards, Christmas gifts ever, no coming to High School graduation etc. Now they wonder why my kids do not make time for them! I on the other hand probably go too far the other way. I buy for Easter, Valentines day, birthday, Christmas, and whenever I can day! lol Just bought this past week jeans for one, socks for one, cute undies for one, several shirts for several kids, had a dancing party, a pizza party etc. But I also feel that I should do this on MY time, not when my kids want it. I did raise mine, and should be allowed not to have the responsibility of kids when I don't want to. If the time is not good for the kids and I want the babies, they also have the right to say to me...not a good time this week grandma, maybe another time. And that is as it should be! I have a grandchild who has a grandmother that lives 5 minutes from her, and refuses to have ANY contact at all with her. It has been about 5 and one half years. Yes, her loss, this child is wonderful, and I have the joy of her company right now this weekend. My son who does not see his kids, how very sad that is. He will one day regret that choice I am sure. I cannot change his behavior, he needs to get over being bitter (she remarried a few months after divorce, an old high school beau...that moved in with her within a month or so of the separation). Over and done with. She wants him to sign over rights to child to make her life easier, not a concern for the child. So very sad for my grandaughter. I still take Christmas and birthday, and Easter etc to other grandpa (her dad)...just drop it off and never know whether child gets it or not. Never a response from them. Tough topic girls, hope all works out well with your situations for the sake of your wonderful kids! Ever need an ear feel free to e-mail at dfcatfish@yahoo.com.