[windblownhair]

About a year and a half ago, my best friend died in a car crash. She was only 25, and like all accidental deaths, it was a huge shock. I felt like i stayed as busy as i could and got over it by trying to not think about it or feel anything. It really hurts to talk about her, and i don't mention her unless i have to.

My husband works almost an hour away, and it is scary driving this time of the year, as we live in a valley that gets foggy almost every day. My husband always calls or texts to let me know he is to work safely. Every once and a while there is some crisis at work and he can't let me know as soon as he gets there. Every single time i have freaked out, left a ton of texts, kept calling his phone. Last week he had to go away overnight for a business trip, and i could not concentrate the entire time, kept imagining horrible things that could have happened.

I can see it when i get crazy, but i can't stop myself. How do i deal with this? Have i not grieved properly? and is it too late to go back and do it right? I really want to start acting normally, and it is making me nuts, probably my poor husband too although he is too sweet to say

I would appreciate any suggestions. I really have no idea where to start here.

[thankful]

you are not crazy! and I guess you never took GRIEVING 101 in school.(just kidding) I lost my best friend in high school we were 16 yrs. She fell out of the side of a van on the last day of school and was trying to hang on as we were going on a ramp to fast and fell out .words can comfort but not heal sometimes. I am now 41 with 3 kids and to this day when my husband or I turn a corner I am afraid one of my kids seat belts are off or there door is not shut all the way and they are going to fall out! my stomach flips. It has made me a very careful person and mother. My husband and I always let each other know when we get somewere. He will call every time he leaves work and texts me a good morning and wishes me a good day everyday! Your friend is gone but you are still here. people are fragile and every day is a gift. Dont try to forget what happened.or worry about how you are dealing with this in your head. RESPECT IT! and count your blessings. You will be just fine.There is no right or wrong answer. Take care and tell your husband there it nothing to important than calling you to let you know he made it safely! I have seen and gone through things I would never wish on anyone. But I am a better person for it. P.S as long as you have feelings you also have a soul. I would be more concerned if you were not sad. God bless you and your family! Cathy