[Residue]

So 4 years ago, found out that I had other siblings. Well, that’s when I officially met them. I am a result of an affair my father had with my mother when he was already married. Shortly after my birth, she passed away. I was left with my grandmother because my father went back to his wife and they already had children with another one on the way. This wife did not like me because she my biological mother was her enemy. They argued a lot and hated each other. So I guess she took it out on me too and didn’t want me living with them. I lived with my grand mother until I was 11 then got adopted by my aunt with whom I live now.

My father used to visit me before I got adopted by my aunt – around once every 3 months. He paid for my school fees and only provided extra money if my grandmother asked him.
So 4 years ago when I went to visit the country where I used till the age of 11, I was introduced to my other siblings. Turns out I have 5. I am 18 years old and 3 of them are older than me. Actually the sister is only 6 months older than me.
The other 4 were alright with me but the girl. I’ve tried my hardest [sending birthday, Christmas cards, calling], but she’s less acceptant of me. I feel so hurt because she shows it as well in her actions, body language and horrible things she says. I don’t know what else to do. It’s hurtful and I cannot stop thinking about it. When I met them I thought this was it, a real family at last, the stepmother accepted me though I still feel like her actions were too good to be true so I find it hard to trust her....
I just want to know how to deal with it, any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

[mrmnmom82]

It must be a very awkward situation for everyone. But it isn't fair for them to take it out on you, you were just as much a victim of the situation as they are.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Yes, you and your half siblings did not cause this problem....it was the parents.

Wishing you all the best!

[ONEDAYATATIME33]

Hi Residue,
Maybe talking to your stepmother might be the place to start since she seems to have overcome her hurt to realize that you are not in any way at fault. Your half sister may feel that she was not really wanted by your dad since he was with your mom at the time. It may take her longer to feel safe accepting you. It seems you have overcome alot and have a good head on your shoulders. Give it time, keep trying and I wish you well.

[Residue]

Originally Posted by ONEDAYATATIME33

Hi Residue,
Maybe talking to your stepmother might be the place to start since she seems to have overcome her hurt to realize that you are not in any way at fault. Your half sister may feel that she was not really wanted by your dad since he was with your mom at the time. It may take her longer to feel safe accepting you. It seems you have overcome alot and have a good head on your shoulders. Give it time, keep trying and I wish you well.

ONEDAYATATIME33:
Thanks for you response. I did mention it to my stepmother in an email, but she didn't say anything......
My dad was not living with my mother when my mother was pregnant. He was living with his wife. So, she has always had a mummy and a daddy there. I did not. My grandmother struggled to take care of me when there was no one to do so...
You said "to feel SAFE accepting" me. Does that mean I come across as a threat?
So should I just keep trying with my half sister or should I give up on it? I don't know what else to do anymore.

Thanks.

[Residue]

Originally Posted by QueenAngie

Welcome to the board!

Yes, you and your half siblings did not cause this problem....it was the parents.

Wishing you all the best!

So why does she not see that? Even in the little comments she'd say things like "I have 4 siblings" leaving me out on purpose...I just don't understand why...

[Residue]

Originally Posted by mrmnmom82

It must be a very awkward situation for everyone. But it isn't fair for them to take it out on you, you were just as much a victim of the situation as they are.

My other 4 siblings treat me like they've known me since I was born. It's just this one person.

I just want to know how I can move on from this and live my life without having to worry about it - just still haven't figured out how to.

[ONEDAYATATIME33]

Originally Posted by Residue

ONEDAYATATIME33:
Thanks for you response. I did mention it to my stepmother in an email, but she didn't say anything......
My dad was not living with my mother when my mother was pregnant. He was living with his wife. So, she has always had a mummy and a daddy there. I did not. My grandmother struggled to take care of me when there was no one to do so...
You said "to feel SAFE accepting" me. Does that mean I come across as a threat?
So should I just keep trying with my half sister or should I give up on it? I don't know what else to do anymore.

Thanks.

I doubt you come across as a threat. The problem is hers to solve. Maybe back away from trying for awhile and give it some time. Enjoy your other siblings and she may learn from their example eventually.