[Momof3girlsandteachertoo]

I attended a parenting seminar with my husband recently where I learned about two books I've been reading, "The Power of a Praying Parent" and "The Power of a Praying Wife" - the parent one seems a natural for me, the wife one I struggle with....
The author teaches that ultimate change in your husband comes through direct and intentional prayer while whole heartedly being willing to seek God's will as a wife, which ultimately means giving up your personal will in many ways. It all seems to make GREAT sense to me in theory but in practice I find it far more difficult to apply to my life.
I teach middle school and have three girls, 13, 6, and 3. I'm by myself 3-5 days a week because his job requires travel all over the US. I am in charge of so much organization, taking care of home and work that lately I have seriously contemplated a psych ward for a break - no joke intended. I have truly felt helpless, overwhelmed, burned out and ready to "get out" of something - I would never walk away from parenting, so marriage is what I hate to admit I'm leaning more toward. I'm 34, far from nieve and have been a single parent before - I know this is no picnic. But my husband and I fight over just about everything that can be argued. It seems that we spend more time trying to convey our point to the other, and perhaps struggling to "win" arguments than we do coming up with solutions. My 13 year old daughter is a point of contention that only adds more fire to this flame as she is my husband's step daughter and he doesn't like her at all. She has struggled with behavior issues closely related to her father choosing to be absent in her life and he (my husband) has told me clearly she is my problem. I don't pretend she is perfect or excuse anything she does, quite opposite actually. I have taken steps that may seem extreme to some parents with regard to her being defiant. I have called the police, had her appear in court, and made her go through a program designed to teach teens what consequences will be occur when they defy boundaries set by their parents. I feel like I have tried to be a good parent, a good teacher, and a good wife....but am out of energy for just about any of the above these days. The ideas in this book seem great but I must selfishly admit that I hang on to hard feelings of things that seem to define our relationship, mainly what is fair and equal and I can't get over this for anything..... My husband resents this and so we just continue on....
Anyone who has used these theories, has ideas about their effectiveness, or just has an opinion to help out....I welcome any of your ideas.

[mcmama]

I don't know the book, and I know the power of intercessory prayer. But is there any power of a praying husband to balance this?

I tend to view approaches to marriage that depend on one person praying to influence the other with a lot of skepticism. My experience with divorcing a husband who is homosexual has really influenced me on this - so many women I have met through my support group have been told they could change their husband through prayer. When they can't, they blame themselves for not praying hard enough - and they experience far more deception on an ongoing basis and a sense of failure for a problem they did not cause and cannot cure.

The heart of the matter for you is that you have stepfamily issues. If you've called the police on your SD, then you have problems that are greater than the average parent or step parent of teens. Praying sure helps, but marriage takes two. Being a "married single step mom" is a huge burden, and you have the stress of your own job. I think you need Christian counseling - with a therapist experienced with stepfamilies, not a minister - not for your prayer life, but for what you BOTH need to bring to your marriage. The solution cannot all be one sided.

Married single moms carry a heavy load and an additional one of resentment. Letting go of that is important, and it involves prayer, but can't be done overnight without some effort on his part to acknowledge your fatigue, stress, and isolation.

[MissyChrissy]

You actually mentioned one solution yourself-instead of arguing who is right, say, "We are both upset. What can happen so we're both happy?" No one person should give up 100%, but there does have to be give and take in any relationship.

As for your oldest daughter...I feel sorry for her. How old was she when her stepfather was introduced into her life? Could some of her rebelliousness stem from anger toward him and feeling rejected by her dad?

I've never been divorced, so I don't know what it's like first hand. But I can tell you this, I would rather be single than live with someone who had anything less than love and respect for my kids I have now.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

You not only have a full plate, it is overflowing to the salad plate, the bread plate, and the dessert plate.

I too am a Christian woman and think it is great that both you and your husband attended a seminar together.

What concerns me is that you are the one expected to handle everything at home, and do all the praying. What is your husband's role in praying and giving with the relationship?

This sentence really concerns me:
My 13 year old daughter is a point of contention that only adds more fire to this flame as she is my husband's step daughter and he doesn't like her at all.

I'm the first one to say that teenagers give parents gray hair. I have survived two so far.

I have figured out this is your daughter from a previous marriage, so your husband's stepdaughter. Apparently he is very open and vocal in his dislike of this young girl. How very, very sad.

The child acting out is the one that needs more hugs, kisses, high 5's, and "I love you's" in their life.

You don't write what terrible thing that this 13 year old daughter has done.
Rob a bank?
Murder somebody?
Stolen a car?
Have a baby?
Pull a weapon out?

Cannot imagine how things went so far.

Has she been seen by her pediatrician to see if she is healthy?
Is she eating right?
Getting sleep?
Going to school?
Doing chores?
Doing drugs?

Sounds to me like some good would come out of counseling for the 13 yo, for you, and for DH. Separately, or together.

It is good to have a strong marriage, a loving marriage....but is it at the expense of your oldest daughter? I worry about her.

I can tell you are a good mother, a loving mother, who is doing her best. Please get some help for you and for your family.

Prayers for you, my dear!

[twinzplus3]

I didn't respond when I first read this largely because I feel like your issues are so farther beyond the purposes of that book.

I have to agree with some of the above pp--you and family could benefit from counseling. You asked about the theories in the book. . .that God answers prayer and I think for the Christian the answer has to be 'yes'. God always answers prayer. I would encourage you to continue to pray through the books. (I have them both and pray for my family in this way.) However, God isn't a genie and these books and the ideas herein really are not going to 'fix' your family. Sometimes we all need a little help. . .perhaps there is a pastor or someone who can counsel you, dd, and dh? I think that would be a good course of action.

[QueenAngie]

I just checked and there is another book entitled, "The Power of a Praying Husband."

[AussieD]

I haven't read the book being mentioned but one I thought was helpful is Disciplines of a Godly woman, by Barbara Hughes. And yes, there is Disciplines of a Godly Man. Also Disciplines of a Godly Family.