[Rebecca83]

So, yesterday was my birthday. He hadn't called in 3 days and of course he called on my birthday. We were talking and he was telling me things like he didn't care about me anymore and that he didn't care if I was out doing you know what with someone and things like that. I was so angry and upset that he would say things like that to me on my birthday. What kind of person does this? Why can't he just be nice to me for one day?
My friends told me to stop answering the phone when he calls but some days are good. I don't know if I should just stop answering the phone. How do you stop talking to someone that for so long was your best friend?
When we were getting off the phone he said I love you and I asked him do you really love me? and he said yes and I will always love you, you were my high school sweetheart. I thought if you love someone how can you say you don't care about them?
He is also saying he is getting out of the military and going to be moving back home. But, he still has 2 years left on this enlistment. Why all of a sudden would he do this? Is it to be closer to me? I wish he would just give me answers! I am tired, so so so tired. I guess I will keep praying about it.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Sounds like the relationship bettween you and him is "over" for him. For now concentrate on you. It also sounds like he likes hurting you on purpose.

He also sounds exactly like my ex. I love you but.....you will do a whole lot better without him in your life. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship...and from your posts it sounds like you are in an emotionaly abusive relationship. Take this time that he is away to find the meaning to you life and move on. I can understand how hard it will be, but you will be a stronger person because of it.

[JeanLynn81]

I am very reluctant to say this, but sweetie, that man is sapping away every ounce of good self-esteem you have.

What you are going through sounds eerily similar to what I went through with my highschool sweetheart. No matter how bad he treated me, I always saw hope for things. I absolutely refused to see that he didn't love, or want, me anymore. The only reason he stayed as long as he did was because of pity. NOW I look back and am absolutely mortified that I was in a relationship based on pity.

I lost alot of friends, and family stopped talking to me. I would go to them quite often, crying about the way he was treating me...and they'd always urge me to leave him. Of course I'd be in agrreance by the end of their talks, but would run right back to him. Eventually everyone gave up on me. It was easier for them not to be around me...they just didn't want to hear it anymore.

On the outside looking in, its always easy to say. But its hard for you to do, and I understand that. But you MUST do it. He is dragging you down. Don't push everyone away (who TRULY care) so he can be a part of your life, if he is treating you this way.

You need help. You need to realize that you are better than this. What forced me to end the relationship, was him leaving, and to this day (it ended in 2001) I have never heard from him again. I look back and am SO EMBARRASED I acted the way I did. I wish SO HARD that I could've been strong enough to leave when it was obvious I should. But I can't change the past.

I can, however, hope that my experience can help others walk away and BE PROUD of their decision.

Please don't waste anymore time with him. Believe me, someone much better will come along. I know its hard to end something you hoped would work out, but sometimes all the love and hopr in the world cannot MAKE somebody love you if they don't.

Good luck. I sincerely hope you make the right decision!

[floresazules]

I agreed, you are in a very emotionally abusive relation ship and thrust me, most of us go thrugh that in some point in our lives, but all get over eventually. he is destroying your self esteem just like jenn lyn says. You need to stop this now, change you phone number, take some clasess, clean your home, change your look, meet new people, and go out with friends, HE DOSEN'T LOVE YOU. you deserve better and life is to short to be waist crying for a losser.

[pattiewrites]

Aw, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just had to say that he is NOT your best friend. A best friend would never make you cry like that on your birthday. Your friends sound smart. I'd stop answering the phone too, or at least answer it a lot less. You need to take care of yourself.

[Rebecca83]

Thanks for the responses all! And, I do agree with all of you. It's like in my head I know what he is doing is wrong and I cannot tell you why I keep talking to him. It makes me so mad because I finally started doing well in my life I have 2 jobs now and I will graduate from college in August. And, I think that he is seeing that I can do it on my own without him and he starts saying things to bring me down. I am going next weekend to visit a friend I haven't seen in a while and I am going to turn my cell phone off while I am there so I don't have to hear from him. But, every time I turn my phone off or don't answer it he starts saying how he isn't going to give me money and how he is going to call and buy out my lease on my apartment. It is so frustrating that when I don't do something he wants me to do he tries to punish me for it. But, he won't call for weeks at a time and I can't say anything to him. I really want to get to the I don't care point.... but I haven't found that point yet. UGH! I am really tired of it all though!

[floresazules]

ok, now Im confuse, you did't mention before he suports you. I though you were financially indepedent, you need to get your act together and make up you mind, what is more important for you the money he give you or your freedon. It sounds to me also like you dont even know what you want, I dont mean to sound to hards but this is confusing.

[gaby12]

To get to the "I don't care" point takes time, and the first step is you have to put yourself first. Be mechanical about it.... Break all ties. Change your number. Don't accept anything from him. He is obviously getting something from controlling you. You deserve better! A long time ago I was in a siutuation similar to yours and I kept telling myself that "Oh, he is younger, he just needs to grow up" and you know what? He never grew up.

[Rebecca83]

That is what everyone keeps telling me too, that he is never going to change. And to floresazules I can't afford anything right now without his support. I am trying as best as I can by working the 2 jobs but it isn't enough. They are both part time and as much as I want to be financially independent it is difficult these days. And, yes some days I don't know what I want because I have been with him for so long (going on 9 years) it is hard to just walk away from that. I know everything I have said is confusing but there is still a part of me that loves him.

[mrmnmom82]

Love and Respect should come hand in hand, not one or the other. It doesn't sound like you are being respected. You have to believe you deserve that, or you will continue to accept this treatment from others.