[VicF7]

I have been married to my husband 2 years to the day, when had a horrible fight, which resulted in some legal matters between us. For months prior to that night, he acted as though he didnt really care about me 1 way or the other. Sure, He said I love you, everyday, but didnt put any motion behind it. I asked him if he was having and affair, and he got very upset, angry, and defensive. Would never really answer the question with reassurance or loving compasion, and it became all about his anger. I asked several times to stop seeing the couple that I thought were creating the problems, and he just got madder and madder. His wall went up, and I recieved no communication, affection, and he totally withdrew from the relationship. But, when we saw this couple, he lit up like a christmas tree. I tried to convince him that the friendship was not mutually benefical, instead he went around asking all our aquantances if they saw anything wrong with the way he was acting with the female. And of course they told him what they wanted to hear, but he didnt want to consider my feelings at all. So I decided to confront the female and find out what was going on, and while i was doing that, my husband was talking to her husband explaining how jealous and insecure i was. I didnt feel my husband had my back, at that point. Mind you, this behavior went on for a year, and I was fed up with being kicked to the curb. After the confrontation, my husband, mooped around, seems disinterested in doing any thing with me, and seemed down right depressed. He thought I was nagging him, and critizing him, and all the other things a wife could do to diminish her husbands confindence.. I dont see that to ge true at all. I always praised him, complimented him, thanked him,. but it wasnt good enough. He accussed me of not appreciating what he did., and I saw not communication, no affection, no sex, no real honest friendship from him. I tried to talk to him countless times, but he rejected it. It actually seemed hopless at this point and he threatened divorce every chance he could.
On the night of the separation i found him at the couples house, which he was suppossed to stop seeintg, and things got out of hand.
Needless to say, we have been separated for 12 weeks now, and I really had no say in the matter, and he holds all the cards. Well not all of them, but he left, and purchased his own home, and wants to be friends with me. WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN?? I still love him, and I asked if we could work on our issues, something we never really gave an honest shot to. He admitted that he still loves me too, But after 12 weeks of separation and no real interest on his part, I guess I should start moving on and leave this person behind. Personally I think he is stringing me along for the money I owe him, and running away from his problems. .
In my defense I am a nice person, honesty and forgiving, and the time has come to face the facts. How do you let go of a person you still love??

[shawspear]

How do you let go of a person you love? Go out of your way to get fit, slim, trim and sexy, buy a new dress, change your hair and start going out. Sides when you do, he'll miss not havin' what he ain't gettin' no more. You wouldn't give it to him then right? Dang it, probably would because you still love him . Be strong. Anyway, he got a new house? Doesn't sound like he's coming back. And you did list off a number of unpleasant events in your marriage that well . . . maybe it's best if he doesn't.

[DealDebbie]

What do you mean, He bought HIS own house? With WHOSE money? HIS??? NOT YOURS?????

He can't buy a house that is just his while he is married to you unless he is using money that you are not entitled to, such as an inheritance or money in a separate account that he had before you were married. I'd talk to a lawyer about that one. You are probably entitled to a portion of the value of what he has purchased while you are married.

You need to really look at the finances here. He sounds like a really dishonest schmuck, and no amount of "fixing yourself up" will fix the relationship. Besides, you can't fix him - and it sounds like there is some major dishonesty going on. I'd look into the money if I were you. How is it that YOU owe HIM, when HE's the one buying a house for HIMSELF?????

[jen0608]

For me you should both settle this issue. I must say if he doesn't love you no more, you should set him free.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Your still Married right? Anything he buys or any money he makes while you are "Married" is both of yours. That house.... its half yours. No ifs and or butts about it and you are entitled to half of it or half the value of that house. You don't owe him anything. Even IF you "borrowed" money from him, he is your husband and it is a "gift" and the law will see it as such Unless you signed something stating the opposite. Get a lawyer and see as many divorce lawyers as you can. If they see you they can represent him at all. Don't sign anything without your lawyer seeing it, dont talk to him on the phone or agree to anything over the phone. He obviously is trying to use money as "power" in order to get his way but he left you right? Not the other way around.

Besides you can do so much better then someone like this.