[mstauss1881]

Hi there, I just signed up and have been reading trying to see everyone's posts. We recently become certified for foster care. It happened much more quickly than I thought though. We started paperwork on the 2nd of October, background checks, etc. We had our foster daughter placed with us October 26th. Crazy how fast. They are now starting termination proceedings in the next couple months. She's been in care for just under a year, but the parents just don't get it. They are young and can't seem to stay out of jail or employed. We've had a couple run ins in the community, and it's cause a big scene. All in all this experience has been wonderful. She's got a great room that is very well decorated now and clothes!! She came to us from another foster home and had a small bag of clothes, most were summer and didn't fit anymore, and a pair of boys shoes that were 3 sizes too big.
We are very lucky that she has no medical problems or delays. The only negative is her attitude after visits with mom. She throws horrible tantrums, bites herself and others, pulls her hair for the afternoon of the visit and into the next day. It takes us the weekend to get her going good again, til the next visit. Mom has missed severaly of the last visits so it's been quiet now.
I work for an attorney and we do a lot of juvenile law, included being court appointed on juvenile dependency cases. I thought it would be easier since I know how things work, but I actually have found it somewhat frustrating because I know what to look for in the meetings, and my frustration really in how parents can do so bad with getting rearrested on more drug charges, kicked out of drug court programs and treatments, yet they continue for so long to RU.
Ok, I will stop rambling on. I'd love to talk to others and find out how they do it. Have someone placed with them and have them taken and either moved or RU with bparents. I didn't realize how attached I would get and am going to be devestated if we don't get to keep her.

[MiaCamille]

Nice to meet you and welcome to Families!

[fostermommy]

Hi,
Our family also does foster care. We were licensed in June 2006, and have had several little ones come and go. Our very first foster child has been with us since the day after we were licensed, and they are just now getting around to terminating parental rights (he's almost 2 now.) Suddenly, Mom is interested in him again. She wasn't interested on his first birthday, or his first Christmas. She wasn't interested when the courts required her to visit twice a week, or to submit clean urine samples, etc - but NOW she's interested since her rights are about to be terminated. We have completed the adoption study, and believe that the adoption will happen in the next couple of months. I don't believe her sudden interest will play a big role here. I guess my point is - we were very careful not to allow ourselves to get attached to the little ones who came (and are still coming) to our home. We did not go into foster care seeking to adopt. I think that would be just too heart-breaking. Instead, we have adopted the philosophy that...nomatter whether the child is with us for a week or a year.....that is precious time during which he or she has had healthy nutrition, loving physical contact, educational opportunities, a calm and stable environment, and further nurturing that they wouldn't otherwise have had. And while it won't continue on for a lifetime, those benefits WILL stay with the child forever. You are providing these wonderful things for each and every foster child who enters your home, and what a blessing that is. Yes, it is amazing that - what seems to come so naturally for most parents - is not always "there" for other people in society. For heaven's sake, even wild animals have parenting instincts, so why can't all humans??? I don't get it either. Substance abuse plays such a huge role in this. I also think that many of the birth parents never saw nurturing parenting themselves, and so the "parenting instinct" has essentially been watered down as it passed from one generation to the next. The things I've seen with the babies I've cared for over the past 19 months have just been shocking.
God bless you in this journey. I just love it too. My teenagers are getting a life lesson as well.

[mstauss1881]

Mom of our FD is 23 but mentally that of a teen and my daughter is 14 and she even says I have more brains then that. She constantly left baby home alone, would leave her unattended downstairs for hours on end. It's just so sad. i am totally up for more foster kids, one more now would be great, but my significant other can't do it. He's so scared to lose her or get attached to anyone else. I try to tell him they just need to be spoiled and shown what a family can be like. Told positive things and just loved. And good luck with your little one, hope it all works out!!

[hunter7]

I know how you feel, it is very hard. After we had to give up our first foster daughter my husband said he wasn;t going thru that any more, now he is the one saying yes to every placement. I don;t know if you listen to country music, but the song ""The Dance" by garth Brooks really fits Fostering, if you listen to the words. I once had someone tell me that they would go through 100 hard goodbyes to not have missed the wonderful hellos. I just think how my life has changed all due to a little smile by a 1 month old baby girl, who we had to let go, but she is still in our hearts, thoughts, and prayers every day. Her picture still hangs on the wall, our kids still talk about her and yes we still cry and miss her. I jsut pray that she is safe and happy and that someday all our love for her somehow helps her in life. Don;t give up it is all worth it, even if you can only help one child.

[aksgal]

I'm in the foster care process right now in Kansas. I have only 2 more classes to go. I live in a one bedroom apt. right now so I'm looking for a house. I have wanted to be a foster parent for 40 years. I am single and miss having children. I'm a little worried about some info I just received regarding false allegations. Is it something I need to worry about?
Foster Parent in Training in Kansas,
Linda

[Samual]

We fostered two boys when we were quite young, my husband is a social worker and there were no other placements so we offered and were allowed to foster while I recieved the all clear, which wasn't long as I'm a teacher. They were in their teens at the time and had been in and out of foster homes their whole lives. They stayed with us until they were 18 then one went onto university and one had an apprentiship to be an animal nurse, they still visit quite alot now as it's more of a friendship than parental figure as the age difference between them and us is not that much.

To aksgal, false allegations aren't a worry but, the process may be halted until it is proven that they are false.