[TaraBartick31]

Hi, I have a very smart 31/2 yr old daughter, with a tremendous vocabulary, who's stubborn and headstrong and has every ability to pottytrain but refuses. I've tried everything from reward systems, bribing her with everything under the sun, picking out designer underwear, potty dolls, movies, books you name it, I tried. I've also tried to just ignore the issue and let her do it when she's ready. She has a 1 yr old sister so diapers are easily accessible to her and I tried pullups but they are really meant for accidents and don't hold pee and poop in so well. Trying the laid back approach is starting to drive me nuts. She will not even wear underwear, she'll pull them right off. Now my daughter has become obsessed with her diapers. It sounds strange, but she's obsessed with the way they fit her, she'll keep adjusting them until they're perfect. Another thing, when a diaper has two different designs she'll want to wear the diapers with the one design and when they're all out she won't wear the other ones and freak out. If she doesn't like how ones fitting she'll rip it off and put a different one on. So she's wasting all these diapers and driving me crazy. So today I had enough I hid the diapers and told her it's time for the potty. Well she carried on for hours, refusing to even try to sit on the potty, begging me to give her a diaper so she could go pee-pee. I told her if she had to go so bad then go on the potty. Then as a parent, when you're childs begging you for a diaper so she could "go", crossing her legs back and forth you feel like your torturing them. So I decided after hours of stressing out everyone in the house, including my daughter, maybe this really isn't something you can force and gave her a pullup. So my question is what do you do at this point? Anyone else going through something similar? I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you

[twinzplus3]

I'm on the way laid back end of things. When you say you've tried the 'laid back' approach. . .for how long and how? Did you just let her run around naked? That's what we do and it works pretty well.

To be honest. . .you've entered into a power struggle that you cannot win. You cannot forcer her to physically pee. You can insist she sit if you so choose, or you can insist she wear something if you so choose but the bottom line is that she will pee when she pees and you can't do anything to make her do it.

So I would back up, talk with her and tell her you're sorry that things were so stressful today and that you know her body will do it when it's ready. . .but she needs to run around naked. (If naked is no good. . .try letter her wear her bathing suit.) Pull ups are only for nights and public now. Don't ask her if she needs to go, don't make mention of it at all. If she pees or poops on the floor, teach her how to clean it up. . .but don't make a bid deal out of it. "Oh--we have a mess to clean up. . ." and that's it. (Give her her own spray bottle--she shouldn't fight you on that.)

Some of my kids have found a little potty in the living room or some other area in the house helpful and others have not. You may want to try it with her although honestly at 3 1/2 I imagine she's too big for it.
HTH--good luck

[QueenAngie]

I take it that your daughter is normal and healthy.

Well, I have to share that I have some other thoughts on potty training.

What is your DD's favorite drink?

If it is bottled water, for example,
I'd give her a small one to drink.
When she was done, we'd go into the bathroom.
She can sit on the toilet.
Read her a storybook.

Give her another drink.
She sits on the toilet.
Read her another storybook.

Plan on spending the day or two in the bathroom with your daughter.
One on one time, Mommy and Daughter.

Give her another drink.
She sits on the toilet.
You read a book.

When she goes in the toilet, put a sticker on a chart.

Is she going to attend preschool? Ours have to be potty trained 1st.

Everybody has to learn to go to the bathroom as a milestone for growing up.

Believe it or not, it is much easier to get a 3 1/2 yo to conform to expected behavior....
than to wait 10 more years.....and try to get her to conform to expected behavior at 13 1/2years.

(((Hugs)))

[landons_mom623]

Frankly I am in the same sittuation witha DS who will be 4 in December! Your daughter and my son could be twins in the ways that they act..... I am getting fed-up! I did find a dvd that he got today it is called Potty Power and he is really interested in it, watched it all the way through twice! Good Luck and let me know if anything helps your sittuation! Because at this point I would just about try anything SheriD

[TaraBartick31]

Thanks for the response. Well, I did try something new unfortunately it didn't work for my daughter but maybe it will work for you. I went to the dollar store and got a bunch of toys and put them in a big bag. I put the bag on the front steps for when she woke up in the morning. I got a card and signed it from the potty fairy with a new package of underwear, with her favorite "Cinderalla" on them. The card said that each time she uses the potty she could pick a toy out of the bag, she could pick her first toy for just "sitting" on the potty, after that she could only pick one when she actually goes on the potty. Well, she got her first toy and was happy with that, but she wasn't too happy with the potty fairy telling her when she could pick her other toys. So now the big bag sits in the bathroom waiting for her to use the potty. It's been about a week and no luck. I thought it was a good idea so maybe it would work for you. Some other things I've tried is to take away privileges away that she loves or requires her to be a big girl. For example, I told her only big girls could get icecream from the icecream truck. She loved doing this but she hasn't been able to since she won't use the potty. Well good luck, my daughter will also be 4 in Dec, that's pretty funny.

[mommy_of_two]

This sounds exactly like my son who is 3 1/2. I bought little cheap toys and wrapped them up. He got a toy if he would use the potty. He was having a hard time getting a bowel movement out one day, and I finally convenced him that if he would sit on the potty, it would come out easier. He did go, and he got a present. We made a big deal out of (like they say to). Told him we were proud, and how exciting it was that he got a toy for using the potty. That was the end of it. He will not sit on the potty for another toy.

I've used pull-ups, he doesn't care if he's wet. I tried underwear, he doesn't like being wet, but we did a week of it, and he never once used the potty. He would only come after he wet or dirtied him underwear. I have some Mickey Mouse underwear that he will get to wear when he can keep his other underwear clean (Elmo, Thomas). The boy LOVES Mickey Mouse, and doesn't want to use the potty to get to wear them.

I have a friend that had a late potty trainer too, and she said that she used a timer and set it for 30 mins. When the bell went off, it was time to sit on the potty. Whether or not he went was okay. It's just that it was the potty bell. Her son loved it because it was like a game to him.

I haven't tried that yet, but I'm willing to try most things. I have a hard time with the idea of letting them run around naked. Not because they are naked, but because I don't want to be cleaning up pee or poo all over the house. I bought plastic covers to put over the underwear so that the mess would be contained until I could get him to bathroom. Besides, he HATES being in his diaper without pants. If I change him and don't have his new pants nearby, he will bug me until I go and get them.

My daughter on the other hand, is 22 months and loves to sit on the potty. She hasn't grasped the concept that you sit on it before you wet your diaper. But she does not like being wet or dirty. She should hopefully be a lot easier to train. In fact, my husband and I joke that she will probably be potty trained before our son.

[stephanienminnesota]

Hi all. I have a son that'll be 4 in Jan. He refuses to try to use the potty. I know that he can b/c he has before and I have tried many different things with him. I have bought him lots of underwear, toys,movies,systems, you name it. The one big thing that my Dh and I tell him if he can learn to use the potty then he can be a bigger boy like his older brother(7.5) & go to preschool.(The one here requires them to be potty trained before they can start), I would love for him to be potty trained seeing as how I am due to have my 3rd baby in exactly 2 weeks! If anyone has any other suggestions I would greatly appreciate them.

[twinzplus3]

Maybe he doesn't really want to go to preschool?

[QueenAngie]

Stephanieinminnesota, adding a new addition will be a difficult time to get DS#2 to potty train. Particularly if it is in 2 weeks or so.

********

Here is another concept for little boys in the spring or summertime.
It is for more a rural or small town area, then
a big city, urban situation.
Little boys love to urinate on trees in the backyard.
Unzip and go.
Doesn't take a lot of time away from playing in the backyard.
Won't hurt the landscaping any more than your pets.
Just a thought, that might be helpful.

[twinzplus3]

I just have to tell you that about a month ago (it's been unseasonably warm here) when I came to my car there was a little boy peeing on it. It was kind of near a tree and he was pretty little. . .but I have to admit you'd think he'd aim for the tree. In any case, his mom just looked at me and shrugged and said, "When you gotta go, you gotta go." I was perplexed. (For those of you who don't know, we live in the inner city.)

But otherwise, letting them run around naked is a great way to get them to go and I second the extra watering help on the trees.