Help for a new marriage!
hi, well I guess before I ask some questions I should give a little background of my current situation. My wife and I are 23 and have been married for 2 years now. Since january we have lived and worked 12 hours apart (yes its stressful). However we both had absolute faith in each others commitment to one another. That is until now I am a little shaken, but I will get to that. We are both young and enjoy going out with our freinds even when we are apart and neither of us has ever had problems or jealousy issues. For me early in the relationship I had a very hard time with the fact that most of her freinds where guys. My wife does PR so she is a talker and is very outgoing while Im pretty much the oppisite. I got over this jealously the longer we dated and it was gone when we were married. So basically what happened that has me so disturbed is this.
Im going to try to tell this as unbiased as I can with her side of the story as well.
The wear of us being apart was getting to us. We were fighting more and more. We both have facebook, which is kinda like myspace and lets you stay in touch with your freinds. We had fought earlier in the day, but we had kinda moved on from that. I asked her for her facebook password because i was bored and I wanted to test to see if i could be logged onto hers and mine from one computer.(Dumb i know but I had surgery 4 weeks previous and was reeeally bored). To my great shock she said no you cant have my password. Why I say shock is we share everything she knows all my email , facebook, and any other passwords. I also know all her email etc. Except none of her passwords where working for facebook. Another reason I was shocked was since the beganing of our relationship she was the one who always thought we should share everything and I was the one who was more private, needless to say I was shocked. So then we start arguing over it my view was partly confused "why not?" This was generally what she was saying.
She said she didnt think I should have it because it was private. What she messaged to her freinds was her business and she didnt want me reading it. She said theyre were private things between her and her sister I shouldnt read. She also said that it seemed like the only thing in her life that was just "hers" and that she could control.
I waivered between respecting what she said and the uneasy feeling that this is not my wife. My wife has never acted like this before. So i pushed and she gave it to me as she was getting home. I then had a dilemma look at it or not. Again I gave way and looked at it. I was on for about 30 seconds. But honestly I felt to guilty and got off. However not before I saw a message from an ex boyfreind. For the sake of this lets call him bob. Bob wasnt just an x boyfreind he was THE ex boyfreind that was my wifes only long term relationship and was absoulutly obsessed with her. By this point my wife is home inside and she signs on her facebook and proceeds to delete her acount, voom everything is gone. Again the baffles me because she loved facebook and talking to her freinds on it. For that matter she was the one that made my facebook account. This is what she said.
She said it was all just stupid and that she didnt want us arguing over some da** facebook. And that it wont be a problem anymore becuase its gone.
This almost distrurbed me even more and for the first time my trust in my wife was shaken. We did argue some more over it but eventually she said she had to go and do some things for work. Which I believe is the truth, because she does work hard. She said she would just call me tommorow and I wanted her to call before she went to bed. So we argued over that. I never got called that night...I was for the first time scared about our relationship. I was up all night, I was going crazy, what happened was just eating away at me. I called her sister (who I am on very good terms with, she normally asks me for advice) and asked her if my wife was acting weird and told her the facebook story. She thought my wife wasnt being herself either. It was then in my paronoia I did a couple things im not proud of. I looked at her myspace page which had a password again i didnt know but I got it*. Then I was looking through our cell phone records which I guess made me more scared because I kept seeing a number pop up almost everyday that I had no idea what it was. All hours of the day to from 9am-2am. I wrote her an long email that night telling her how I was feeling. Ok so it is know 2 days later we made up and have agreed to disagree about our ideas over the facebook thing. So today I see its back up. I go in and try the old password, then I try all her regular ones, none of them work. So I then use the one from her myspace account that she doesnt think I know. Boom it works, so I say ok I will just looked to see what the message from bob says......ITS gone deleted. so i check her sent file and I find this from feb. 2
so at least you didn't unfriend me... I'm really beginning to wonder why you won't call me back... I thought if you had unfriended me then I must have pissed you off somehow! But we are still facebook friends... so i'm hoping you have just been insanely busy and haven't had time to give me a buzz... that better be it buddy...
So what should I be thinking here. I dont think she is cheating on me or anything I dont think she would ever do that. But i also didnt think she would hide stuff from me either. She knows I hate this Bob fellow. Ive disliked him for many reasons involving him professing his love to my now wife. So the fact that she is talking to him hurts, the fact shes hiding it hurts even more. I still think she is a great women and I dont think anything is going on but who knows. Should I confront her? Im embarresed with what I did to get the info, Im actuelly quite disgusted with myself but I just have to know. Im going home in 2 days and we will be together so well I would llike help advice anything.
Im sorry for how long this is and how bad my grammer is, please just bear with me.
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