[moe66]

hello, I am new here..I have a big problem that is stressing me out really bad..my 3 year old daughter is not pottying yet..she'll sit on it 1 time a day if I am lucky..she does not "go" on it yet....I have tried everything..stickers, treats, computer time..My goal is to have her trained by 4 years old..I have successfully trained 2 boys, and I feel like a failure..i get comments fro people...and it really upsets me..anyone that can help i greatly appreciate it..

[jahsmah]

Moe,
I would not be too stressed about it, mostly because she can sense your stress, and that in turn stresses her. Relax. She will get it. Have you tried any of the following:
a prize from a bag when she goes (go to your local dollar store, buy a bunch of small toys throw in a few pieces of her favorite candy, and every time she goes let her pick one item from the bag.)
the potty party: for my oldest, we kept cheap little party hats and whistles, etc, near the potty. When she would go, she, her father, and I would all put on a hat and make a ruckus with the noise makers! She loved it! It was her own celebration. Before long she got the hang of it and we moved the party to the "big potty."
potty cash: get some toy money. each time she uses the potty she gets the cash. at the end of the day she can "buy" a toy or an extra dessert. This is a great way to start teaching her how to save too.
Lastly, after every meal or drink you sit on "the big potty" and have her sit on hers. relax maybe read to her, talk, or sing songs with her. Her body will do the rest and when she goes, party with her!
Try some of those things and if they don't work keep trying other things, but don't stress. She is watching you and will model what you do. Both of you can do this! Relax!

[moe66]

Thanks for your response..I will try the goodie bag..i do do a toy from the dollar store once a week for being good at preschool, but i will try the potty bag..I guess we will just be patient..she's soooo smart, so its just a battle of wills right now

[mondartus]

wow, my name is mondartus, i am from Liberia,West Africa, also new on this net work.
well, it is gud dat u said u are stressed abot ur child's attitude, stress in itself is inevitable, but can be minimize, But, I think ur stressors can be work on.My advised to u is to keep trying and create a good, friendly and confidential atmosphere between u and ur child.

Another advised to u is, find somebody ur child admires a lot and ask this person 2 solve this problem that keep stressing up.

[moe66]

thanks for answering ..every bit of info does helo, I'm just goina keep on plugging!!!! The potty bag with the treats is a hit, at least she is sitting there, she did pee once, so I am hopeful!!!!!!

[ashtay]

just keep trying. My daughter was over 4 before she was trained...Her twin was just over 3...I felt like you that I had failed and was stressed which made it a battle of wills. then one day she just decided it was time and she started going and has had only a few accidents since. She is now 5 1/2 and we are still dealing with nighttime but we are getting there

Sheri

[cherylmartinson]

No worries, she'll do it when she is ready. This is not a reflection on your parenting. I felt quite defeated when my daughter would regress. Potty training can be so frustrating, but she will get it eventually. What my husband and I did was give potty prizes. We would go to the dollar store and buy some prizes and wrap them up really pretty with bows and everything and put them in a basket and if she went pee she could open one. Then there was the big #2 present up on the fridge. It was the big present with a big bow and if she did a number 2 then she got to open it. We did the #2 presents for a week and then after that, the little presents were for #2's only. It worked perfectly. Many parents say that the presents are spoiling them....I say....who cares, my kid is potty trained and I'm pleased with that. A few weeks of spoiling them isn't going to ruin our children is it? Nah. Hang in there.

[moe66]

Thanks for your help..she is getting more comfortable sitting there, we don't always have success but at least she is in the romm right!!!!!I think the gifts are a great motivator.

[NancyNic]

I recommend the following:

1. Let your child be responsible
Tell your child that he doesn't need reminding to go to the potty - he can do it all by himself. Don't mention going to the potty. Most children go when they are not getting attention for not going.

2. Stop reminding your child to go to the potty - it feels like pressure

3. Give treats for going to the potty - like going somewhere special or spending extra time playing together, or stars on a chart to see progress.

4. Put the potty where your child plays so it is visible.

5. Treat your child to underwear - let them choose it - and remind them - 'undies don't like pee and poop in them'.

6. Don't punish or criticize for accidents - let your child clean her/himself up.

[wordprepmom]

Hi Moe,
The issue of early potty trainning happened when daycare opened and they would not accept children unless they were potty trained. The truth is that they will start to potty train when they are able to wake up dry for 7 days straight or more, can tell you they need to potty and can hold it if you say "hold it till we get to the bathroom". Once you are sure she has bladder control then you are set to go.

My son was almost 4 years old. He was in preschool and was told he could not go on to the next class with his best friend because he was not potty trarined and using big boy underwear. That was on a Friday, we took Easter week off and the next week he was potty trained. He just needed motivation.
If you go on the web, the American Pediatric Association will tell you that Pediatricians are not alarmed as they know somechidren can go as late as 5 yrs.
Also Dr. Brazelton is a proponent of not forcing potty traing.
I have worked in pediatrics as a nurse over 25 years. In my expereince if you force it and they are not ready, you can have an issue with bed wetting later on.
So just relax , she will let you know. I would go shopping for big girl underwear just to get her interest.
thanks
wordprepmom