[codirector]

Okay, I have what has been a wonderful eldest son, good to his younger siblings, all 8 of them, honor student, active in church, and all around good kid. Lately he has been very apathetic about everything-what college he wants to go to, if he even wants to go on a mission, how he looks, you name it. I was concerned and read a blog that he'd posted about how he has a reoccuring dream that is freaking him out to the point of not wanting to go to sleep and how he he's cut himself off from those who would care because "God know my family can't help". He goes on to complain about how crowded it is in our house and how he hates his family.
What do I do? I am going to show my DH the blog tomorrow and then we will sit down with him and talk to him and hopefully get some answers. I don't want him to feel like we are spying on him because I remember how I felt about my mother doing that to me when I was his age. But I also want him to realize that I now understand why she did it. I'm worried because it's always been hard to get him to just talk to us. Usually what happens is he keeps things bottled up until he just blows and then we get info out of him.
If anyone has any suggestions, PLEASE throw them my way!!!
Thanks,
Katie

[MJ7]

Not LDS here but would say you are wise to show the blog to your dh tomorrow. Sounds like your son is an adolesant? If so, it's a tough time as it is. If he's depressed on top of that, it complicates things even more. Are you open to getting him into counceling where someone can help him to share what he's going through and teach him not to bottle it up?

Wish you and your family the best.

[babydawn]

How old is your son? Yes, you should show your husband. It sounds as though your son is going through some very difficult times and needs some help.

After reading your post, I had the same thoughts as MJ - it sounds like your son is depressed or possibly, suffering from some sort of anxiety disorder. If he does have a chemical imbalance, then he should recieve professional help. Usually a chemical imbalance is the culprit when there has been a sudden drastic change in ones behavior. I think you should keep encouraging him to do the things he once wanted to do, but also remember that Heavenly Father gave us our free agency, so if he does choose to not go on a mission, love him just the same. You never know, he may decide to go in a few years. Remember to pray for him. I am sure you are already doing that, and have faith.

Here is a link that you may find beneficial. It is just on the LDS website under building a stronger family. I am not sure if you will find any answers there, but I have found them often. Keep us posted. http://www.lds.org/hf/display/0,16783,4209-1,00.html

[Mim23]

As the oldest of six kids I often felt like there were too many people around me all the time. I even told my mom that I wished that I was an only child. Teenagers are trying to separate themselves from their families, it is the next step in growing up. Teenagers are also very self-centered. They forget the needs of others around them. I know that I was that way as a teenager. I would try not to be too upset about the comments about your family, because I think that is fairly normal for the age that he is.

However, I do think that you need to address the other issues you brought up in your post. If your son is afraid to go to sleep because of a nightmare he may need to see someone and get counseling. It could be that he may need to go on anti-depressants or anxiety medicine for awhile. Doing something to help him is the best thing you can do even if it may be difficult for everyone involved. If he is having a difficult time sleeping it could be causing him to be more depressed and withdrawn. I would talk to him about it and take further steps. You might have him talk to the bishop as well, if he is open to the suggestion.

You could talk to the bishop to hear any suggestions that he might have regarding the situation. Keep praying for him, and letting him know that you love him no matter what.

Good Luck.

[QueenAngie]

Maybe it is the start of 'senior-itis' with your son's looking ahead to the future. It's a time of growing up, maturing, and many changes. That can be scarey for a teenager. Who really knows at 17 or 18 what they want to do with the rest of their lives?
Maybe your son needs some one on one time alone with his father, just man to man.
My next thought is to pray for your son.
I came from a family of 9 kids too and also told my Mom, "I wish that I'd been born an only child." The oldest children have a big responsibility when it comes to siblings.
Could you make him up his own bedroom in the attic or basement just for the oldest? Remember this from the Brady Bunch and The Waltons? As a right of passage, the oldest at our home, in high school, got their own bedroom too.
We have two sons 17 and 20, senior in h.s., and a junior in college. I feel what you are going through, Katie, and am sending you a big hug!
Let us know how things progress.

[codirector]

I agree with most of you that it is probably "senior-itis". He had always had some idea of what and where he wanted to go both on his mission and to school. Because he is 17 now, he would be able to go to school for one year before his mission. I don't have a problem with him not going on a mission immediately because my father never was able to go on a mission and he was a worthy priesthood holder and temple recommend holder.
My DH and I are going to speak to him tonight after putting the youngest ones to bed. I told him today that there were many times that I thought that being in a family of 3 kids growing up were too many people.
I will let all of you know how it goes. Thank you for your prayers and support.
Katie

[kimber12]

I realize this thread was posted a little while ago, but felt impressed to respond. Coming from a family of 12 myself, I feel I can identify with your son in a way. I helped with my own younger siblings very often, and have worked with kids ever since. I hope that since this topic was posted you have been able to work everything out. If not, might I offer a suggestion. I have been working with teenagers for the past 2 1/2 years in a theraputic wilderness program (not a boot camp!) With twelve kids in my family, five of my siblings went through the program themselves as teengers, and since then many of us have worked there. For the past year and a half, I have worked with the kids once they have gone back home. Over all, the change is remarkable. I could go on and on, but if you are interested, or even curious I would suggest checking out the web-site at www.anasazi.org.
Just so you know, I'm not advertising for them. I believe in this program, I have seen it change literally hundreds of lives, including my own. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions.

[babydawn]

I'll vouche for you and Anasazi. Having a brother that also tried to go through the program (unfortunately, he was too difficult and the instructors sent him home because he was such a danger to himself). I know that your statement about Anasazi is truely stated as a possible solution, and not as an advertisement.

[mcmama]

Individuals are welcome to post their experiences concerning programs, but program directors/employees may not come on the site and write posts promoting their programs.

[kimber12]

I apologize if I broke any rules set by families.com and assure you it was not intentional. I do not currently work for Anasazi , have not for several years now, and did not at the time that I wrote the thread. I was simply trying to help out a family in need as I do feel that the experiences I had there (including 5 of my own siblings going through the program successfully) were very beneficial in helping my family in some very difficult times, and changed my life for the better. Once again I apologize if I have caused offense, but assure you it was not my intent to promote Anasazi, but to offer help to a family in need.