Help!! Struggling to save my Marriage
Hi,
New to the forum here and desparate to save my marriage and hoping to get some advise as really struggling.
To give some background been married for 10 years, 2 kids, 1 of which is autistic which puts a lot of strain on us, particularly my wife. I have recently been put on anti-depressants which is something I should probably have been on for a while but took a time to start dealing with my issues.
For some time my wife has been on at me to go to counselling and I always said I didnt see the need as couldnt see we had a problem. Things really came to a head at the end of last year and I started to realise that what I saw as a good marriage clearly wasnt in reality.
I said that counselling was probably a good idea and have started to listen to all that my wife has had to say about what I have done wrong through the years. The main crux of it is that I have not respected her and have not supported her in the way she needed. Looking back I can see this but I never did this intentionally and now I understand this am doing absolutely everything I can to put this right. My wife says she loves me as a friend, not as a husband as she has lost the trust and respect for me and doesnt know if she can get this back.
She said she needed space as I am too intense so I have come away for a week to give her this space. A few weeks ago I met a girl that I have really hit it off with as a friend and find it really easy to talk to but would never be interested in it being any more than this. As I am making sure that I dont hide anything from my wife and am 100% honest I told my wife this and said that she could meet her, chat to her or whatever as nothing going on other than talking.
Last night my wife called me and basically said I am having an emotional affair with this girl. I couldnt believe it I had already said to my wife that I would stop my friendship with her if it caused a problem and my wife as many male friends that doesnt caus me an issue. Since we have been married this is the 1st female friend I have had and not once in 10 years have I even gone as far as a hug with another girl (apart from family). I cant imagine ever being with anyone other than my wife and said to my wife that to have a minute with her means more to me than any amount of time with anyone else.
Her problem with this girl is that I have opened up to her about our marriage having not known her long, I open up completely to my wife about everything but in the past havent so she finds it difficult that I can speak to another girl. Up to now the only people I have been able to speak to and get advice from have been male friends and all i hear is leave her, have an affair etc and this isnt the sort of help I need. When I tell male firends how much I love my wife all I get is jokes, when I tell this girl that I get a far more understanding response.
I am due to go home at the end of the week and want desperately to do the right thing to give the marriage the best chance of getting back on track as I cant imagine a life without my wife.
One of the things my wife said is that I put her down in front of family, I couldnt see htis at the time but I have now gone to everyone in the family and told them how important my wife is to me and said if ever I had said anything bad about her I didnt truly mean it.
Please what is the best way forward, at the moment I am giving all the support I can, I am doing everything practical to help but my wife cant open emotionally to me so this is all I can seem to do.
I want togive her space and she goes out with friends regularly which is great because gives her a chance to relax but I am sure they all put me in a negative light because we can be getting on ok before she goes out then when she comes back I get blanked.
Please help.
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