[dborns]

My wife and I really need help with our 2 yr old. We have 2 yr old and 6 month old girls. Due to our work schedules, one of us is always home with our girls. When I am home alone with our 2 yr old, she is a totally different person than when she is alone with my wife or when we are all three together. When she is with me, she does not whine or cry much and seems to always be happy. The minute my wife gets home she is very whiny, cries for no reason, and is clingy to her, which is probably typical 2 yr old behavior. She also gets very defiant towards both of us. My wife says that this is also normal behavior for her when she is home with her and I am at work. On the rare occasion that we are both home with her, she is whiny and clingy to my wife.
We both understand that it is probably the age, the fact that she gets less attention from mom due to the new baby, and also partially a mom/ daughter thing, but we just don't know what to do. I have a real problem with the whole situation because the whole day goes great until mom walks in the door and things just go downhill from there. It makes for a very stressful night and has caused us to go to bed upset with each other even though we aren't really mad at each other at all, but just stressed out about it. I also feel bad for my wife that she has to go through that all day long and that my days are usually really enjoyable with her.
My question is, does anyone have any ideas of what we can do to change this behavior? When my wife talked to her parents about the problem, she was told that she must be doing something wrong, but she says she tries to ignore the whining and crying but that doesn't help and also telling her to stop whining/ crying only makes it worse. My wife does not give in to her when she cries about stuff and shes not a pushover, so its not like she thinks she can get what she wants by crying or whining. We just need help and suggestions on how we can work with our 2 yr old to get past this. Thanks in advance for the help!

[JeanLynn81]

It sounds a lot like typical behavior for her age range. Very important: Is she talking much yet? I ask because its very frustrating for a child to have SO MUCH to say and no means to say it. She is probably overwhelmed with feeling (missing mom, new babies, etc etc) and its not coming out like she wants it to.

Also, how often are her cries being ignored?

"but she says she tries to ignore the whining and crying but that doesn't help and also telling her to stop whining/ crying only makes it worse"

While I agree that this can be very effective, its not good if she isn't talking a lot yet. If she is crying, there is probably a good reason for it. Even if its just to say "Hey, I need some attention". That is an important issue with her. No matter what everyone says, you're not going to spoil her by giving her too much love.


Good luck!

[Mgdragonfly]

Hi! I've had a similar problem with my son. While I am a single mom, my son and I live with my father and my stepmother. My father works a lot and when he is home, my son is in a much better mood and not so clingy and whiny.

When it is just my stepmother and myself with my son, he seems to have more temper tantrums. I never figured out exactly why, except perhaps the fact that my father plays with him in a more aggressive and energy exerting manner and perhaps he isn't burning enough energy when we are with him because we aren't doing the physical playing that my dad does with him.

However, I think it was a good point that JeanLynn81 made about talking. My son wasn't talking very well and he would get really frustrated about having something to say and not being able to say it.

This has gotten a lot better over the past couple of months that my son has started talking a lot more and making his feelings known through words. We are not having the temper tantrums and whining that we had before.

I feel like we may have never determined the true problem with my son but that it did improve with age. I hope that at least gives you a glimmer of hope that it will improve in the months to come! Good luck!