[vja4Him]

I could post this message in several different forums .... Not sure if I'm allowed to do that ?? My son was arrested at his high school last week, and charged with ADW (assult with a deadly weapon). Sunday evening, as I was getting ready to leave for work, he attacked me with a shovel.

Our story is a very long one .... The boys' mother left us in January 2005. The court battle was vicious and long. The boys' mother and some of her evil friends (two of her friends are in prison for torturing their two daughters!) abused my boys, which has caused serious emotional damage and trauma.

My oldest son, 15 years old, stole $2,500.00 from me in January, 2007. One of the pastors at his church convinced me to drop charges. I realize now that I made a mistake, and should have followed through with the criminal report and had my son spend some time locked up. But, as a loving and caring father, I thought I would take the pastor's advice, and give my son a chance.

Things have gotten much worse ... My son has been stealing medications from me, my father (over $1,000.00 worth of medication!), and my youngest sonm, including: vicodine, codine, Concerta, and others). He also has been stealing money from our roommate, and continued to steal money from me, and has stolen other things as well, including my father's keys to his house, car, truck, and other locks. My son also has stolen all of my duplicate keys, and keys to all of our locks (cabinets, boxes, desks, bikes, etc.).

My son attacked me with a shovel and threatened to hit me and break out all the windows in my van. I am concerned for my son, and hope that he will get the level of help that he needs. His therapist seems to think that I'm the bad guy, and basically, they are on my son's side. They even said that I caused my son harm by having him arrested at his school!

I am very concerned for my own safety, and the safety of my youngest son (10 years old), my elderly father, and our roommate, and also that if my son comes back into our home, he will continue to steal our things, and possibly break up our home, windows, damage my van and our roommate's car .....

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot .... can't afford to pay the costs for keeping my son in juvenile hall (a little over $20.00/day), can't afford to pay for foster care, or a group home .... So, what can I do?

My son needs anger management, counseling, drug counseling, therapy, possibly medication. Both of my boys (15 and 10) are suicidal, along with their mother, my mother, and other relatives. Mental illness runs in our family, including bipolar. Some of my relatives are taking medication for bipolar and other disorders.

I'm hoping that I can find support in Modesto, California, where we live. We do have Medical. I don't know if that would cover any of the costs ... ?? If you have any helpful information, please contact me. Thanks and God bless. <

-- vja4Him
+++++++++

[QueenAngie]

(((Hugs)))

It is very tough to be a parent these days.

I am not familiar with the professionals in your city.

I think that I would find the money to keep your son in juvenile hall and safe. $20.00 per day is worth it.
Could a therapist see him there?

Let us know how things progess for you and your son.

He needs major help.

[Alejandros Mommy]

You have to pay for him to be in jail? Now I find that rediculous, as for foster care you may have to go this route...you need to go to social services and have a long talk. Tell them you can't handle your son any more and are afraid he is going to hurt the rest of your family. Tell them everything...you shouldn't have to pay for this.

Also issues with money. You may have to change your bank account. Go talk to your branch. Get your debit card removed from your account. This will require you to go to the teller to get money. Tell them to please write a not that they must see you ID in order to get anything out. Only take money out that you need that day.
Get the roomate to give you checks each month, No cash or post-dated checks. Get a lock for your room mates room. A good one.

Charge him for vandilizing your vehicle and get your roomate to do the same thing. He needs to know that this will not be tolerated....it will also send a message to your now 10 year old.

Good luck.

[vja4Him]

Originally Posted by Alejandros Mommy

You have to pay for him to be in jail? Now I find that rediculous, as for foster care you may have to go this route...you need to go to social services and have a long talk. Tell them you can't handle your son any more and are afraid he is going to hurt the rest of your family. Tell them everything...you shouldn't have to pay for this.

Also issues with money. You may have to change your bank account. Go talk to your branch. Get your debit card removed from your account. This will require you to go to the teller to get money. Tell them to please write a not that they must see you ID in order to get anything out. Only take money out that you need that day.
Get the roomate to give you checks each month, No cash or post-dated checks. Get a lock for your room mates room. A good one.

Charge him for vandilizing your vehicle and get your roomate to do the same thing. He needs to know that this will not be tolerated....it will also send a message to your now 10 year old.

Good luck.

Thanks for your suggestions. I had a friend put a lock on my dad's room, my room, and even my bathroom, which is inside of my room. I am going to buy several heavy-duty heavy metal boxes, drill small holes, and run a secure cable through the boxes, one to my bunk bed, the other to our bakers rack in the dining room.

This is terrible that we have to live like prisoners in our own home, locking up even small things, and hiding anything of importance. Thanks for the advice about having the bank ask for identification. I will take care of that Monday. I'm trying to get everything in order, before my son returns from juvenile hall.

I'm still concerned that he may flip out when he comes back home and smash out the windows in my van, our roommates car, or our home!! I just hope that he learns something from this experience, and settles down. I really want my son to get help, and get well. I know that I will never be able to trust him again as long as I live, but I hope that he will at least stop stealing, using drugs, and learn to make better choices in life.

My son has broken my heart .... I just can't believe that this is my baby .... at one time he was so cute, lovable, fun to be around, joyful. I'm glad that we did have many good times together. I took my oldest son all around the western United States, visiting many relatives, the beach and ocean, mountains, climbing rocks, hiking, fishing, camping, got him involved with clubs, activities, exercising, flying kites .... I've done so much for my son, and can't believe that he would turn against me like this! I have never been an absent father, always home everyday, doing as much as possible with my family.

I know that I haven't been perfect, but I've never done anything to him that should make him want to turn against his own father! I reallyl believe that my boy is angry at his mother for leaving us, and also abusing the boys and myself too. Maybe my son blames me for the divorce, and even for what his mother did to him and his little brother. Also, some of her friends abused my boys. I'm wondering if something may have happened to my boys that they are not sharing??

I did a search for NAMI, and found several support groups in our area. I'm planning on attending the meetings when I can. I'm hoping that Medical will pay for services. Both of my boys have been seeing a therapist (different therapists), which is paid for by Medical. The counseling services even paid for both of my boys to go to camp, which cost about $1,000.00 for the two boys! It doesn't matter how much I've done for my oldest son, he just seems to be so ungrateful ... wants more and more and more, and is so selfish, always thinking about himself.

When I was growing up I had very little. And many people I've known grew up with so very little, but we were always thankful for whatever we had. There were many toys I always wanted, but my parents could never afford them. I never blamed my parents, and was satisfied with whatever we had.

As for my roommate, she is afraid to get involved. She is concerned that my son might retaliate against her. I can't really blame her .... What a mess ... I wish that I could afford to get bars on our home, but if I have to allow my son to come back to live with us until he is 18, the bars won't do any good anyway. I've been told that if I don't allow my son into our home, I could be charge with child abandonment, and even lose custody of my youngest son.

At least we have some peace for awhile. I'm just praying that my son will settle down, get help, and have a change of heart.

[mcmama]

www.bpso.org

This is an online support group for families of bipolar people, and there are a number of resources for parents. There is also an email list where people can really help each other. This might be a way for you to find support in Modesto, and around the world.

[beth]

You have been posting on this forum for quite some time now regarding problems with your son. Each time the problems seem to be getting worse, and your son further out of control and in need of serious help. I wonder why you haven't sought counseling for the whole family, since this problem is not isolated to your son but includes his mother, yourself and other issues he's had to deal with, such as being dismissed from the school he liked and of course, the divorce. I have found, as you have, that advice from pastors when mental illness is concerned is not always the best advice, due to a loack of adequate training. In these cases, it is best to check also with a mental health professional for that all important second opinion. Please do this oon, as your son is in desperate need of help, yet young enough to be well managed, even if he is in the early stages of bipolar.

[sheridw]

Here's my story...
My son is ADHD with violent tendencies (Bi-Polar) symptoms. He is four years old and when the signs started to present themselves, we were of course heart broken. Then we saw a reputable psychiatrist and things changes literally overnight. Our son was prescribed VALPROIC (1.2 ML by mouth twice a day) and RISPERDAL 0.5 M-Tabs once a day and the difference was overnight.
I hate talking about this, but one parent to another, I have to describe to you how my son was behaving before the medication. When at daycare he would bite, curse, threaten, punch, kick, hit, disobey, bully, knock over chairs, etc... I'm not kidding when I tell you that the daycare providers were describing his outbursts as "The Exorcist". Can you image how I felt? Unfortunately for you, you seem to have identified these symptoms late in your child's teens. However, the good news is...It's not too late!!!!!! Don't believe me? Research on the internet, the best child psychologists in you area and describe to him/her your issues. You can correct this...bottom line...end of the story.
Step01: See a good child Psychiatrist and perhaps a therapist at the suggestion of your Psychiatrist. (We currently do both). However, this needs to come from you Psychiatrist.
Step02: Work with your school regarding a good disciple structure. Our therapist recommends positive reinforcement. WOW...works like a charm.
Step 03: Love and communication. But that's actually the easy part. Now for what some might see as the hard part....So...LISTEN CAREFULLY...It's actually not as bad as you think. Your child wants to be loved, just like you, right? Steps01-02 will get you there REAL EASY...Trust me my friend. However, don't rely completely on the medication. The other 1 to 5 percent, can be handled by you. That being said, your child is not lost...ARE YOU KIDDING!!!!! Everybody can be helped. Judging by your post...I can see you are serious. So if you need ANY more advice...Please, let me know and I'll forward you my personal e-mail address and we'll work this out together...
You Are Not Alone and It's not NEARLY as Hard to Control as You Probably Think..
Take care...

[jserio]

I am doing counseling at a Christian drug and alcohol program. If you can find one in your area, that would probably be the best solution. Some have scholarships; check with local pastors.
Pastors often don't really understand mental health issues--even from a biblical perspective. I say this because one of our pastors told me this point blank.
I suggest you check out my website: (LINK REMOVED BY ADMIN)

[mcmama]

Jserio, you may create a link to your site in your sig. You may NOT make posts such as the above inviting people to visit your site.

Please check your PMs.

[Samual]

Sorry but he needs a counseller, who is qualified and who will counsel, not someone who is just focusing on, what would Jesus do, that clearly isn't going to help him.

Ok what you can do is temporaily do a custody release, so for a while your son is the responsibility of social services and not yours, that means they will put him in a foster home and if he becomes violent with them, he will go to juvie until his sentance is over. It doesn't cost anymore than the paper work fee, which wont be very much at all.