[tkdlady]

My friend, Dave, asked me to help spread his story. I am doing that to help him and to help myself deal with the depression this situation has caused. I hope you will visit Dave's web site, mentioned near the end of the story, and maybe drop him a line of encouragement. Thanks for reading.

Dave's Story:

On June 7, 2005, Dave’s life was changed forever. His only child, his 14 year old son, Michael, went to the beach, got drunk, went into the Gulf of Mexico, passed out in the water and drown. He was clinically dead for 5 to 10. Vacationers staying in a hotel not far from where Michael was saw him and called 911. A county sheriff’s deputy arrived on the scene, pulled Michael out of the water and resuscitated him. Because of the lack of oxygen to Michael's brain he suffered what is called an Anoxic Brain Injury. Michael was then flown by Life Flight to SacredHeartHospital and placed on life support. Michael wasn’t alone at the beach that day. He was with a couple of 16 year old boys, two 19 year old girls, and one 20 year old girl. One of the 16 year olds provided vodka and the girls provided beer. None of these kids tried to stop a 14 year old from drinking and none of them helped him when he passed out in the water. Some of the kids involved went to the hospital that night and when asked if alcohol was involved they responded “no”. After a blood alcohol test was performed it was discovered that Michael had a blood alcohol level of 0.32. This was the beginning of their lies to the authorities. More on this later.

Dave spent just about every day and night for the next few weeks with Michael at the hospital. The first day Michael was there, Dave could not enter his son’s room because of all the tubes and monitors to which Michael was connected. When he was able to enter his son’s room the real pain and anger over what had happened began to take hold. Dave started learning just what brain damage can do to a body and suffered the pain and anguish of watching his son go through what laymen call “Storming” or more technically, Dysautonomia. Typical symptoms are: elevated temperature, profuse sweating, increase in heart rate, increase in respiratory rate and labored breathing, agitation, increased muscle stiffness (spasticity), and large pupils. These storms come on without warning and can last for hours. Imagine watching your child thrash around with a heart rate of around 190, soaking his sheets in a matter of minutes and not be able to do anything but watch and hope the drugs used to calm him down take affect soon. This happened daily, sometimes multiple times per day for the first 3 months. Along with this, Michael was on morphine at the beginning of his stay. He became addicted and the hospital had to treat the addiction as well as the brain injury. Another terrible thing for a parent to go through. Michael eventually became medically stable enough for him to begin some real rehabilitation. Dave and Sacred Heart Hospital arranged for Michael to go to Children’s Hospital of Atlanta (CHOA). Atlanta is a six hour drive but Dave did it every other week while Michael was there. He and his ex-wife swapped staying with Michael and learning how to care for someone in his condition. They had to learn how to clean his feeding tube, known as a g-tube. They learned how to use a Hoyer lift to get Michael from his bed to his wheelchair and back to his bed. They learned how to take care of someone who can’t swallow, can’t eat, can’t talk, can’t walk, can’t do anything for himself. What they didn’t get and were promised by all the flyers and brochures for the place is the 6 to 8 hours of rehabilitation for Michael. They were lucky to get 2 hours a day. The doctors at CHOA then decided that Michael needed to have the tendons at the back of his legs cut since his muscles were atrophying and his legs were starting to permanently bend. This, of course, delayed his rehab by about a week and a half because they couldn’t do the usual things with Michael while he was healing from surgery. Also during Michael’s stay at CHOA the doctors decided to insert a Baclofen pump into is abdomen. Baclofen is used to combat the muscle stiffness and spasticity. It is also a way to help control his storming. Michael was sent home at the beginning of September. He is unaware of his surroundings and his body is deteriorating daily since he is bedridden. Dave mentioned once that he sometimes listens to the voicemail greeting on his son’s cell phone just to hear his voice. Michael is trying to talk and I hope and pray he does it soon. No parent should have to go through this much pain.

Dave and his ex-wife are now learning how to live with a child with special needs. Michael is going to a special school where, hopefully he will get the rehabilitation he needs. There are lots of people praying for Michael’s recovery and I am one of them. I see the pain on Dave’s face when I see him. I hear it in his voice when I talk to him. He doesn’t sleep well and probably doesn’t eat correctly either. Dave talks about all the heroes in this story, but I think he is also a hero. I admire his perseverance in the face of the injury to his son, in the legal system that is working so slowly, in the fight with the insurance company to get the help he needs, in his undying love for his son and in his fight to make this as public as possible in the hopes that it will help other parents to not have to suffer they way he and his family are suffering. Dave has a very difficult uphill battle to fight and he is slowly making it to the top. He has the help and support of all his friends, me included, to help make the climb a little easier.

If there is a moral to this story it is that all parents need to take an active part in their child’s life. Don’t be their friend, be their parent. Teach them right from wrong while they are young and discipline them when they do the wrong things and be consistent. Show them you love them by talking openly with them and finding out about their friends, where they are going and when they will be back. Find out who their friends’ parents are and get to know them. Form a calling chain so that when something is going on you can contact each other. The kids on the beach on June 7 all did the wrong thing, including Michael. He will pay for the rest of his life. The others have lied to authorities and some have been arrested and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor as well as giving false statements. One of the adult girls in this case, one of those on trial for contributing to the delinquency of a minor and giving false statements is also a mother. How sad for her child that her mother didn’t have the brains to stop underage boys from drinking. She actually helped get Michael in this condition. It is still a mystery as to who actually provided the alcohol since all the parties involved are minors. But since none of the minors are talking they will be the ones who pay. They have trial dates and all of Dave’s friends are praying they receive the maximum sentence possible. One of them has already been sentenced to at most 9 months in juvenile detention. It is a small victory but a victory nonetheless. Unfortunately the charges are all misdemeanors. They provided alcohol to a minor, he died for a few minutes and is now permanently injured and all they are getting is a slap on the wrist. There is something seriously wrong with our justice system. Go to www.justiceformichael.com, look at the pictures on the main page and then you decide. Is the picture on the right only worthy of a misdemeanor? I think the charges should have been felonies and the punishments should match the crime! It is time for Florida to change its underage drinking laws.

A Friend Forever,
Jeanne

[cocotbo]

Jeanne,

Has anyone contacted Dave's state legislators, the Governor's office or your Congressmen? Spreading the story is helpful to other parents, but if you really want the laws changed, I have a few suggestions:

1. Shorten your narrative a little and conclude by saying exactly what you would like the new law to do. (Do you want longer prison sentences, minors tried as adults? Tell them exactly what you want. Ideally, you want it all to fit on a one-page letter.

2. Send this letter (from Dave) to all of the Florida State Legislators. You can find a complete list at: http://www.leg.state.fl.us/data/legi...elegations.pdf

3. Send this letter to BOTH the Florida Democratic Party and Republican Party. (It doesn't matter one whit what Dave is or what you are.) You can contact the Republican Party at: http://www.rpof.org/. I suggest you send the letter to the Chairman, Carole Jean Jordan and both Executive Directors, Mr. Andy Palmer and Mr. Terry Kester. You can contact the Democratic Party at: http://www.fladems.com/. Also send the letter to the Chairman, Karen Thurman and Executive Director Luis Navarro.

4. Send this letter to the entire Florida Congressional Delegation (U.S. Senators and Representatives). You can find their contact information linked from both the Republican & Democrat state party websites.

5. Send it to the Governor and the First Lady of Florida. Addresses for both Jeb and Columba can be found at: http://www.myflorida.com/b_eog/owa/b...html.main_page

6. Send it to every network (ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, etc.) news station in your local area. (This version of the letter should cover who, what, where, when, why, how and include the name and phone number, both day & evening, of somebody who would be willing to be interviewed, preferably Dave, his wife or another family member who knows the whole story.)

It sounds like a lot of work, but it would garner greater results than posting on message boards. I guarantee that if you do these things, you'll get a new law in Florida and likely a similar one nationally.

Good Luck and thank you for telling the story so that other parents can learn from Dave's misfortune.
-Lisa

[tkdlady]

Thank you for the suggestions. I know Dave has written letters to our legistlators and others. I wrote a couple as well and also sent one to our First Lady in Florida. Dave has already had a story on our local news, in the paper and on the radio. I know he is constantly writing to someone and has been very vocal with the local law enforcement and judges. I really appreciate you taking the time to write me and give me other suggestions. I will look into writing a more concise letter spelling out exactly what I feel should change and send it to more delegates. Thanks again.
Jeanne

[cocotbo]

Originally Posted by tkdlady

Thank you for the suggestions. I know Dave has written letters to our legistlators and others. I wrote a couple as well and also sent one to our First Lady in Florida. Dave has already had a story on our local news, in the paper and on the radio. I know he is constantly writing to someone and has been very vocal with the local law enforcement and judges. I really appreciate you taking the time to write me and give me other suggestions. I will look into writing a more concise letter spelling out exactly what I feel should change and send it to more delegates. Thanks again.
Jeanne

Having worked extensively with state political parties and legislators as well as Congressional staffers, I can guarantee this is the way to go if you want to incite change. Not that this story isn't tragic and merits reading but they are all busy people and will toss anything longer than a single page (1.5 spacing, never single spaced).

Politicians aren't terribly creative people. The laws that get passed do so because somebody in their district said "I want a law that says this and does this." Trust me, there is time for the full story when the proposed bill is put before committee and people who are either for or against it are allowed to offer their testimonies to that end. (That is when you give them 5-10 pages of heart-wrenching narrative.)

Sadly, a shotgun approach with letters to people here and there won't work. Use the same letter and send them all on the same day - that will get them all thinking and talking about it at the same time.

Having been a cop, I can tell you that it breaks their hearts that they can't do anything. They can only enforce the laws that are written. Nothing more.

Having studied Constitutional Law, I know that judges feel just as bound as the cops do. All they can do is interpret the laws that are already written.

A targeted approach to all of your lawmakers and their respective party headquarters will make things happen. If you can get a Democrat and a Republican to co-sponsor the legislation and Dave to testify with his story, you are guaranteed changes and new laws being passed.

I know it is a lot of work and a whole lot of stamps, but I truly hope you'll consider this process.
-Lisa

[aura]

I am speechless and horrified, as a parent I am terrified for my child. Thank you for putting this story here and all of you are in my prayers hon! Aura

[tkdlady]

Thank you Aura. I appreciate the prayers for Dave. I am sure he does too.
TKDLady

[mcmama]

I saw the website, and it is very compelling. I think it should be required viewing for the DARE program.
"Mischief night" or "Cabbage night" as it is called in some areas, is coming up (the night before Halloween) Some kids go around on that night smashing the pumpkins you carved with the little ones, egging houses, t-p-ing neighborhoods, tagging public buildings, spraying shaving cream and silly string and pranking in general. I think the people that let their kids go because "It is harmless fun, everyone does it" should rethink their position. We pick our fights with our teens. This is one fight that is worth picking.
Frequently alchohol plays a part in these prankfests. My son went to school a few years ago with a kid who got stone cold drunk (same age as Michael) on mischief night and they decided to play with matches. In the woods. They got the fire out before it burned the woods, but not before the kid had 3rd degree burns all over his body and almost died. It took a good 18 months before he could go full time to school again. He is permanently disfigured. I don't think his parents realized there would be alchohol. If I were them, I would be asking serious questions about where the alchohol came from.
We actually have a problem in this area with people who serve alchohol at teen parties because they figure the kids are going to drink anyway so they might as well "control" it. You might like to think your kids would not drink, but you never know what they will try with their peers when another adult is telling them it's ok, everyone does it.
I think the kids who were with Michael should get the max. I think Dave and his family should sue their parents until they are totally broke. A little bankruptcy isn't a life sentence, and after all, everyone does it now.....Dave's family will use up all their resources caring for Michael, and these families should be forced to also.

[tkdlady]

I also agree that the families involved should help pay for Michael's care. I think Dave is going for Civil penalties after the Criminal trials are over. I hope he gets the max from these families. We also have had parents that subscribe to the idea that if they provide the alcohol and supervise, everything is okay. One graduation party a couple years ago near where I live was just this situation. One of the teens left the party drunk and went flying through an intersection at a very high rate of speed and flew into the trailer of a semi. The boy was decapitated. I don't know what ever happened to the family who provided the alcohol but I think that is the dumbest idea I have ever heard of. My kids and their friends drink pop and water at my house when they have parties. I would go for the jugular of any parent who provided my kids with alcohol without my consent thinking they were doing a good thing.
Thank you for the reply. If you haven't already, maybe you could post a message to Dave on his web site. He is really in need of encouragement.
Jeanne