[Paterfamilias]

I have two nieces, ages 5 & 7, that are both aggressive/ill-tempered. The problem is it is now having a negative impact on my 7 yr old son as we see them both on a regular basis. He is not picking up on their behavior but is the frequent recipient of their actions. The problem is how do you address a defensive/argumentative or one that believes in little to no discipline? Those are the parents I am dealing with.

To give you an example. We've had two incidents with the 7 yr old on the go-carts & gator. For those that do no know a gator is used in farms.. It's like a go-cart w/a bed used to haul things. The 1st occurred as I was teaching my son how to drive the gator while at his grandfather's house. As we were driving, the 7 yr old would constantly drive the go-cart right in front of us, turn sharp in front of us, drive next to my son… etc etc. After the 2nd pass I decided enough was enough & pulled in to the driveway. As the 7 yr old pulled in, her parent was noticeably upset at her for driving that way & immediately disclined her… problem solved right? Wrong.. Recently as they were sitting next to each other on the back of the gator being driven around by another family member she moved behind him & pushed him off while they were moving. I anticipated a more severe reaction from her parent, but they instead took her explanation that it was an accident & simply told her to apologize. I was furious!!! This is on top of the times I'm not listing where she has lied in attempt to deflect punishment to my son for her own actions when he wasn't even around.

As far as the 5 yr old goes, she punches, kicks or bites at the 1st sign of things not going her way.. Once with my 2 yr old. She has eased up a bit on this since my son has in the past retaliated.. But it's still an issue from time to time.

So my question is.. Obviously something needs to be done, and if the other parent declines to act, then I have to. Outside of calling in question their parenting skills or attacking their child's actions, my only alternative is to either not let them play together or watch them like a hawk when they are together. Neither of whick sits well with me… in particular because 99% of the time they play well together.

This is unlike a situation involving a school bully or friend… this involves a family member, both of which happen to be girls.

Any suggestions would be more than greatly appreciated.

[browneyes01]

If you feel that the parents are notdealing with the behavior appropraitely don't be afraid to discipline her/them. You don't want her to walk around thinking that what she is doing is right. What if she severly hurts your child what explanation are her parents going to give, when they themselves know that she is aggressive . Some one has to nip the behavior in the bud before it really gets out of hand.

[Gremlinsx3]

Unless the child is directly your responsibility, NEVER discipline someone else's child!! While the entire world may agree that they need it, it's not your place. So.. what CAN you do? Have you tried talking with the parents? With out the kids around, in a relaxed non-threatening atmosphere? If the parents continue to do nothing, then unfortunately the only real things you can do are either make sure you're constantly monitoring them, or don't let them play together.

[ruthann8]

I have also been taught the “NEVER discipline someone else's child” which I agree with, to a point. I would never put a child in timeout, take a toy away, etc. I give the parent time to discipline the child and if they don’t I then speak to the child. I try to explain that whatever they did was not nice and why, trying my best not to be mean or degrading (to the child or parent). I try to make it a teachable moment.

I have recently come across situations at our public park where I have had to speak up. Parents come and don’t watch their children and it really bugs me. I do not tolerate throwing sand!!!!

[Gremlinsx3]

Telling a child to stop something, or explaining why they shouldn't do it, that's one thing. And totally acceptable if the parent is either not around or has been given time to step in and they haven't. But that's not the same as disciplining them.

[QueenAngie]

Have to say that I would only visit when the other family was not present
or
watch my kids 100% of the time.

Have to keep your children safe and sound.

* * *

One time, a nephew was 2 years older than my son,
and we were all at a park.
They were playing on a big slide as kids do....climb up and slide down.
The older nephew then grabs a big stick and wanted to follow
my child climbing up and sliding down. With a big stick!

Scared me silly. His mother's comments to put the stick down
were ignored. I let the nephew know in no uncertain terms to put that stick down
before somebody (meaning my young son!) got hurt.
At least he minded me.

When it is a safety issue, a parent has to be alert and on guard.

Good luck!