[beth]

So, how long does it take to get over a death? In today's society, people are allowed to grieve for a certain period of time and then it's back to business. But emotions don't always work to a timetable. You can read about what is a realistic period of time to grieve and how that differs significantly from what is expected of us all here

[mrmnmom82]

I think part of it has to do with wether or not the death was a suprise. My mother had been sick, Post Polio Syndrom, my whole life. We, and she, were able to prepare. That doesn't mean we didn't greive, because we knew it was coming, but it helped a little. Also, I think being religious is another factor. I feel comfort, knowing I will see her again. That has helped my grief. It still sneaks up on me on special occasions. And I allow myself to cry for a few minutes. but I have never felt consumed by my grief. so I think people shouldn't be given a time line by society. Espesially one that would cut them short on time. My sister was depressed for quite a while longer than I was. We are indeviduals.

[Yambasticks]

it is so tough when death hits a loved one and through my own rough experience this is my take on this: you never get over the pain and the grief of losing your loved one, but what time does is help you how you handle and cope with the pain. No emotions are on a time table, each person is different, and then it will calm with time, but when that is I don't know, but in cases of the death of a loved one, "time does not heal all wounds, it however does help you change how you handle the pain over time.

[KR258]

I don't think you ever completely can "get over" some deaths. It may appear to be in the background for awhile but it always comes back. There are always going to be times that I just cannot handle without crying my eyes out.

It was/is much easier to handle the death of someone old or someone who was sick and you knew it was coming. I will always miss them but I grieved for the ones I knew we're going to go for about a month or 2.

But when the sudden death came to someone close I didn't handle it well. It took me a year to stop crying constantly and I still cry on certain days or when some words are mentioned or by some thoughts.

[beth]

Hi mrmnmom82, yes, sudden deaths are always difficult as there is no time to prepare and of course, no time to say goodbye. In many ways, you were lucky to have the choice to be able to talk to your mother and to say all that you felt you needed to say. That definitely helps with the grieving process. The grieving process is also easier if you liked your parent -- often people get caught up in the grieving process due to unresolved issues in life that cannot now be addressed. It would be nice if we could see our loved ones on special occasions! But having faith that you will see them again one day also helps to make sense of death. Thanks for your comment. Beth

Originally Posted by mrmnmom82

I think part of it has to do with wether or not the death was a suprise. My mother had been sick, Post Polio Syndrom, my whole life. We, and she, were able to prepare. That doesn't mean we didn't greive, because we knew it was coming, but it helped a little. Also, I think being religious is another factor. I feel comfort, knowing I will see her again. That has helped my grief. It still sneaks up on me on special occasions. And I allow myself to cry for a few minutes. but I have never felt consumed by my grief. so I think people shouldn't be given a time line by society. Espesially one that would cut them short on time. My sister was depressed for quite a while longer than I was. We are indeviduals.

[beth]

Hi Yambasticks, if you love someone it certainly is a big ask to one day never feel some longing for them, even after a long period of time. So, yes, you never really "get over" a death of a loved one, you just adjust to their absence most of the time, think about them fondly at other times, and suddenly, when you least expect it, get caught up in a short maelstrom of grief. All of which is normal and continues throughout the course of your lifetime. It is only people who can't deal with their own pain and uncomfortability surrounding death,or who have never suffered from intense loss, who won't let you grieve in your own time.

Originally Posted by Yambasticks

it is so tough when death hits a loved one and through my own rough experience this is my take on this: you never get over the pain and the grief of losing your loved one, but what time does is help you how you handle and cope with the pain. No emotions are on a time table, each person is different, and then it will calm with time, but when that is I don't know, but in cases of the death of a loved one, "time does not heal all wounds, it however does help you change how you handle the pain over time.

[beth]

Hi Kara, yes, you never really "get over" the death of a dearly loved person and why would you? You would always want to see them again if it was possible. And as you say , it is always easier to deal with an expected death as opposed to a sudden death. The choice to say goodbye is always a powerful one in terms of getting through the worst of the grief. Crying is also a very powerful tool to deal with grief, it is the body's way of handling intense emotions, so you are doing all the right things when those sudden moments of intense sadness comes upon you! Best wishes, Beth

Originally Posted by KR258

I don't think you ever completely can "get over" some deaths. It may appear to be in the background for awhile but it always comes back. There are always going to be times that I just cannot handle without crying my eyes out.

It was/is much easier to handle the death of someone old or someone who was sick and you knew it was coming. I will always miss them but I grieved for the ones I knew we're going to go for about a month or 2.

But when the sudden death came to someone close I didn't handle it well. It took me a year to stop crying constantly and I still cry on certain days or when some words are mentioned or by some thoughts.

[CindiWafstet]

I don't think you ever get over a death, you just get better at coping with it. Today is the 8 anniversary, what we call angelversary, of our daugther's death. She died suddenly at the age of 16 while taking a shower, of all things. She apparently blacked out and collapsed, and was dead before she hit the bottom of the bathtub, which is where I found her floating face down. To this day we don't really know what killed her.

It's hard to believe it's been 8 years already, she would now be 24. For the most part, we do very well in day to day things. But sometimes something will happen, seeing a picture, a especially bright star in the sky, a song on the radio, a butterfly, read something, a scene in a movie or TV, or just something out of the blue, and it will reduce us to tears. These do happen less and less as time goes by, but they are still there. I guess all you can do is just concentrate on this moment, this day, this week and worry about the rest later.

Cindi

[Samual]

I don't think you ever get over a death, you just learn now to cope without them being there with you.

[purelegance]

i think it depends on the person. i have found it much easier to cope with some deaths than others. i lost quite a few friends in high school, and not to belittle their tragic deaths, it's been far easier to cope with them being gone than my Dad being gone. it'll be 5 years this coming february and it still doesn't hurt one ounce less.