[KR258]

My husband is frusterated with me because I still cry over the loss of our son. I don't mean to be sad and I don't want to be sad but he thinks that I do. He thinks I don't want to be happy and that I won't ever get better. I want to be a whole happy person it just hurts so much and I don't feel whole. I feel like a very important part of me is missing.

I am happy sometimes when I see our daughter...but I also cry at least once a day. I try not to but I can't help it. How much is too much? Is there something wrong with me? Should I be getting counseling or something?

[QueenAngie]

Not only do you have a lost angel that you loved,
but your own body physically takes time to heal
and for your hormones to recover back to normal.

Are you a crier?
Some ladies are frequent criers normally.

Me? I'm not a crier, very rarely.

So, if I am crying every day, there are emotional issues going on
with me and with my body.

With other ladies, they normally cry a lot, my MIL does.

Does that make sense?

Certainly, it is much easier on men, because while emotionally, they are affected,
physically they are the same.

Grieving takes time.
It does not happen over one night,
one week,
or one month.
Different rates for different people.

Not your husband, but if YOU feel emotionally YOU are suffering,
go see your doctor, my dear. Tell your doctor your concerns.

Prayers for you, my dear!

(((Hugs)))

[mrs_ray]

You should talk to your OBYGN. There is a difference between mourning and depression. If you're depressed he or she can recomend a counseler and maybe give you some help with anti-depressants. It's normal to moun, but you do have a beautiful child who needs her mommy to be *there* for her emotionally.

I'm not over losing my daughter, but I'm learning to cope. There are many ways to cope, and you may benefit from some therapy.. Or maybe writing poetry, painting, something to vent your emotions.

[twinzplus3]

Something that I will add is that one of the joys and challenges of marriages is learning how to respect each other's means of coping through stress. What I see you saying when you write that your dh is irritated with you is that on some level he needs you to move on in order for him to move on. I imagine (and maybe I'm way off base here) that you probably feel like 'how could he be over this already?'

In any case, if your crying helps you release then this is not a horrible thing but part of what normal grieving looks like to you. Does it make you feel better to cry it out? If it just releases more feelings of hopelessness and frustration then perhaps you need something to help with leftover pg hormones.

[natski13]

KR258,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know all too well about loosing a child. But mine were in the first trimester. None the less a loss. But even after 5 months after my first loss i cried about it. I don't feel that crying is necessarily a problem. Maybe talking with a counselor can help a little. Since your husband (like mine) doesn't understand a women's emotional stability after a situation like this, a counselor may help just because you'll have someone to listen to you. I only recommend a counselor but maybe for you and your husband not just yourself!!! Talking and crying out your emotions are very good to do. Holding them in only causes unresolved problems. Plus it's only been a little while since your loss, you still have hormones around and just getting your body back to normal again can be stressful in itself. I continue to have emotional days after my second miscarriage (which was definately harder than the first) and my husband is more understanding about it this time too. You will never forget your little boy, but letting him go and knowing he's safe in Gods hands is what has helped me know it will be ok!! I'll pray for you. Just keep taking care of yourself!

[KR258]

I am usually a over emotional person. I don't know if how I feel is ok or not though. When I cry it doesn't make me feel any better I just don't feel like I can hold it all in. I am going to ask my doctor to send me to someone for me to talk to.
My husband has said that he is okay with all this. He's been okay since 4 days after we lost him. I don't really understand how that can be but he swears he is fine. He says he misses him and does wish we could have kept him but he is just like before. It hurts me to see him so happy and ok but I am also glad that he is okay. I have all kinds of mixed up feelings. I am happy for him but I am also angry at him. I have wanted him to cry with me just once since I lost our baby but he hasn't and refuses to. I don't get why he can't at least pretend for me.
I want to get pregnant but I think we should wait until we're in a better financial situation.

[twinzplus3]

Something to remember, is that people deal with grief differently. It is unfair for you to project how you think grief should be 'done' onto your husband. He may be fine now and then burst out in tears a year later or he may never burst. Neither is necessarily wrong. I didn't really cry that much when I lost any of my babies. Neither did my dh. We were heart broken. . .but we expressed it differently.

[KR258]

I feel like I have been alone in this pain. I know it hurt him to lose the baby but he deals with his feelings all alone. He won't show me. I need him to feel it with me. I don't know how to move on when I feel so alone. I just need his support. I may not be fair but I can't change my feelings. I have tried to. My feelings control my life. I need to get rid of this but nothing I do helps. I feel like I need him to do something with me for our baby. I am tired of going in circles with him and getting no where.

[twinzplus3]

Have you considered a counseling group for people who have lost a baby?