[Possibility_girl]

i am not one with alot of patience and i am a bad guage of time.

if you read my other post about my husband cheating on me, it was just a week ago now that i confronted my husband about his cheating. i know i have to give him time for the dust to settle. i expressed my want to keep going and work it out. last wed night, and thursday night we talked alot. we also had more talks(sometimes heated) since.

it has been so awkward in the house with him. unless i make eye contact and say hi or something to break the ice, its soooo uncomfortable. then we will have a conversation and the "ice" is gone but as soon as the conversation is over the "ice" is back,

I was thinking of going out for a drive or a soda or something friday night just to go out alone, we dont have to "talk" or anything, i just want to keep the communication open.

i know there is no set time, but i dont know when to do anything, i dont want to smother him so he has time to sort out his thoughts

can someone give me some guidance or advice.

thanks

[Possibility_girl]

i talked to my father to get a mans point of view. he came up with some good points that i would have never thought of.

He said that I could be projecting my insecurity of the situation onto him, men are usally quieter than women and my husband usually sits and watches tv fairly quiet too. That he may be acting normal but its me who is tense and projecting it on him.

Also, he just got caught with his hand in the candy jar, so like a child he is sulking, and his father knows so now also he is the odd man out and got scolded by his father. ( although we are 40 it is still analagouse to a child)

I thanked my wise father because i never would have come up with these ideas of how my husband may be acting/ feeling

they have helped me some and i hope they help someone else in my situation

[grt8day]

I think that giving him the time he needs to open up is a good strategy. Also, at some point he is going to have to let you know his mindset and how he wants to continue on. He will have to make a decision to continue with his marriage or let you know if he is not willing to do the work?
Hopefully, he will desire to continue with his marriage and begin to fight for it. If he shows signs that he still wants to have his affairs then that will be the deciding factor that he is in fact not desiring to be married.
In the end, you will have a clear conscience knowing you gave your marriage a fighting chance. You definitely do not want any regrets down the road.

[Possibility_girl]

yes, i want to give it everything, and know that i did my work as well as i could. i want to give him space but also keep the communication open. its a tough line to find

[jkvkdailey]

If I were you, I would ask him about this. Tell him that you are feeling uncomfortable and need to know if he is too. Ask if he would like some alone time to process everything, or if he would like to move forward. If he's like my husband, he hasn't taken much time to analyze things, but your open ended questions may get him thinking.

Good Luck!

Kim

[Possibility_girl]

thanks jkv, it was better last night and this morning, i did realize that i was projecting my fear onto him, i was the one who sat there like stone, he did what he always did, sit and watch tv. you know how men are, quiet. so last night i acted normally, we talked about the democratic convention and it was quite normal, i put my arm aroundhim and carressed his arm, and he made a cute noise. then when we went to bed, i rubbed his back and he moaned. this morning i again acted normal and he was very receptive and he seemed to act normal. similing, making eye contact and such.,

i am though at the point where i need to confirm the fact that he is acting this way because he wants to move on and repair our relationship, because i am starting to feel better, less stressed and wondering , and i dont want to think we are going well and moving on when he is not.

[Chipwag64]

This is a delicate situation where sometimes there are no clear cut, right every time answers. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, showing that you want to work things out and trying to break the ice by touching, talking, and being with him.
I am not sure how long you have known him, sorry, but you probably can tell when he needs time to think or time to talk. Probably the best thing you can do is let him know that he should just be honest and up front with you, that lies will not benefit anyone at this point. You can't do much with someone who wants to pretend that everything is alright while in their heart it isn't, but you can go a LONG way with the person who just tells it like it is straight up.
Of course, the truth can hurt deeply, but lies can cut much deeper and last longer, and they usually have a way of coming out.As hard as it is, just keep touching, looking at him with love and doing things for him, not unreasonably, and you may just win him over by your actions.
May I suggest a book? The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Many people have recommended this to me, and I just started reading it in June, you may ask, but don't force your husband to at least consider reading also, so that you can understand each other better.
I will pray for healing in your marriage also
Harry