[faith76]

I don't know if I'm in the right forum but I am looking for some advice. I've had a strained relationship with my mother, and she recently told me never to contact her again. I don't intend to. My parents live 3 hrs away. My kids love and adore them, though they don't see them that often. My father has told my husband that he still wants to see our kids. I assume my mother still wants to see them, she just doesn't want to see me.
At this point, I no longer care whether not seeing the kids would cause pain to my mother - it was her choice to disown me, and whatever pain goes along with that is hers to deal with. But I do care that losing their grandparents would be painful for my children and it would hurt my father. So for their sake, I would like to support this grandparent-grandchild relationship even though I now have no relationship with my mother. I'm trying to shield my kids from all this animosity as much as I can. I am not poisoning my kids' minds against my mother - I have not said a word to them about any of this. Their relationship with her is separate from my dysfunctional former relationship with her. I am trying to view it as a "divorce" and let the kids keep a relationship with everyone who loves them. They should not be punished because the adults can't get along.
But I don't know how to make this work. In the past my parents have stayed at our home for visits, but that is no longer possible. They could stay at a hotel, but should I let them take my kids if I am not "allowed" to contact my mother while she has my kids? The whole idea makes me very uncomfortable.

[JeanLynn81]

First off, I am so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Second, welcome to the board and I hope you find the advice you are looking for!

You are being very civil about everything and I applaud you for it! I guess as far as letting them take the kids, do you trust them? Could you call your dad instead? Is getting the kids a cell phone an option?

Good luck!

[Samual]

I hate my mother in law Frank hates her, her ex-husband hates her, she has been horrible to us but she was always brilliant with the children, until she got divorced and we refused to break contact with Franks dad. We used to take the children down to visit and as it was for the childrens benefit we used to put our feelings aside so the kids could enjoy being with their grandma.
About the contact, shes your mum, she was fine alone with you, you could try to give her the benefit of the doubt and then talk to the children later to see what happened.

[Tracey with 6]

My relationship sounds basically the same, we have been this way for the last 2-3 years, I handle it by being VERY civil, my older kids know we don't get along, the younger ones don't, I'venever said a bad thing about her in front of the, unfortunatly the same can't be said for her, I hope you can work through this, feel free to pm me if you want to

[chio88]

I hope everything will get to resolved soon. Both your mother and you and your children are missing alot. At least you're open to the thought that the kids can visit the grandparents.

[jmmv08]

I guess you try to visit them together with the kids. Put aside your feelings first and let the kids enjoy being with them. I hope this could help.