[notsohot]

Hello,
I'm a new member, and am seeking some advice from both men and women... I have been in the same relationship for almost 10 years, and it seems like like my confidence is gone.
I'm wondering if it's because he is too critical of me sexually...
I once planned a weekend getaway in Montreal, we visited the dancers and I was dressed great! and felt sexy! I planned a whole private show for my hubby back at the hotel room. I was the only performer. (I'm a hot blond, 5'7" approx.150lbs. with nice curves.) Great right?! Well, not so much for him...Not too long into the "show" he showed no interest. I asked him how he's enjoying the show, and he replied something like, "meh, not bad. You're doing OK". I admit I'm not a professional, but a little appreciation and encouragement would have been nice.
He has told me that I'm boring in bed, and that he doesn't like the way I ask for sex! I thought a man would be happy that I'm asking for it at all!? He never initiates, if I don't initiate, nothing happens. But, I need to be careful how I ask!
And get his! He complains he doesn't get it enough! I'm sick of it! Does anyone have any comments? Has this happened to you?

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Have you asked your DH the way he wishes for you to ask?

[mollymae]

oohhh he's playing mind games with you. Sounds emotionally abusive to me. No one should try to make the person they love feel bad.

[starlife]

Originally Posted by mollymae

oohhh he's playing mind games with you. Sounds emotionally abusive to me. No one should try to make the person they love feel bad.

Exactly my thought mollymea....
he is really hurting you and he needs to stop, he should at least talk to you and tell you how he feels and what approach he would like, that way you both can work and make that aspect of your life better and fun

[chupster]

Wow.

I'm a 33 year old guy that's been married for 7 years, and I can't imagine treating my wife like that- that's just horrible.

It sounds like there's some other underlying problem that he's not sharing with you. Most guys I know would love to have a woman ask them for sex, and even if he's not in the mood, it doesn't take that much effort to do what you can to make sure your significant other "gets hers."

When he says that you're boring in bed, does he either tell you specifically what he finds boring or make any suggestions as to what you can do to spice things up for him?

Personally I've found that being open with my wife about our sex life does wonders. If one of us doesn't like something, we talk about it and don't do it, or sometimes just do "favors" for one another- at the end of the day, having sex with your life partner isn't just about getting some and moving on, but is about caring enough to do what you can to make that partner feel good and enjoy themselves.

Again, it sounds like you went absolutely above and beyond, and kudos to you for it! But no man in his right mind (especially one complaining that he doesn't get enough sex) would react like that- there definitely has to be something else going on, and you should encourage him to share it with you. Showing disinterest when you're giving him a show and telling you that you're boring in bed- and I'm just throwing out an educated guess here- sounds a lot like he might have (or want) someone on the side and could be getting something different elsewhere.

Not to make a horrible (but often true) comparison, but if you put a tasty meal in front of a dog, the only time he's going to avoid chowing down enthusiastically is if there's another tastier dish nearby.

Sorry to hear about your troubles, you sound like a very nice and considerate person.