[MOMentous]

For the sake of curiosity... for all of you SAHMs out there, what role do your husbands play in caring for your children and basic house duties?

Although I love my husband dearly, I can't help but feel that I'm spreading myself too thin in terms of trying to be a good mother, wife, homemaker and somehow in the mix of things take care of my own basic needs. I'm fortunate that he provides for our family financially and that I get the privilege of staying home with our 5month old son, but I'm also only human and occasionally feel a little overwhelmed...

He works from home full-time, I work from home on a project by project basis (maybe 5-10hours a week). And yet even when I do work, it's with a baby in arms!

As a woman, is it traditionally considered normal to take on all of the child and home duties alone? Please let me know how you all manage!

[Alejandros Mommy]

JMO
My husband works real hard...10 hr days and 14hr nights. He is a fireman and he also works as an RN on the side. I make sure I have supper ready for him when he gets home and let him have some alone time so he can whined down. He usually helps by cleaning up after supper and doing the dishes.

He does do lots...but I don't nag him. I tell him I appreciate the things he does. I also work at home....I help my MIL with her scrub bussiness and I do on-line stuff. Dh knows I work just as hard as he does.

He'll shovel the snow/cut the grass...clean up around the house. He takes the garbage out helps with the kids. Lets me sleep in on days that he works nights, also does his own laundry, the list goes on. He is not perfect but niether am I. I just make sure he's happy and the things I know make him upset I try to get them done. Such as he hates when the laundry piles up. I am very thankful for him as I know not everyone has a Dh like this. I can only say to people that ask....don't nag your husbands and treat them with respect. Show them kindness, listen to them and they will in turn do the same.

[vanaden]

You know , what I found with my DH is that he didn't know I needed help because I never asked him. When I began asking him to to specific things, he always pulled through for me without complaint. I would truly just talk to him about the way you've been feeling. I know that terrible desperation and feeling like you are a slave in your house!
Before I went back to work in May, I took care of the house by myself because he works 40+ hours a week. I felt that was only fair. He still helped with bath time and bed time and reading to the kids and occasionally dishes.
But know since I work I ask him to do the dishes and make sure the house is atleast picked up before I get home. He is home w/ the kids now by himself for a few hours 4 days a week so now it is his job to give snacks and things.Now he realizes waht I go through trying to keep the house clean and I know how tiring it is to work.
This is an example of why you have to make it black and white for them !Be specific!
Wednesdays we have church..I leave from work for church at 645 and church is at 7. So I don't see my kids til I get there.
I walk in last night and my daughters hair looks like Medusa on steroids, there was something dryed up in it, she had a white shirt on w/ a purple stain on the front, a skirt that was seriously falling down ( I had to pin it) and panty hose with holes in them. My husband sheepishly looked at me and said "she dressed herself".
I made him swear he'd never let her again!!!
From now on, I am laying out the clothes and demanding a bath before church!
How aggrevating!

[mcmama]

Originally Posted by vanaden

I walk in last night and my daughters hair looks like Medusa on steroids,
!

That is priceless!!! You write well!!!!

[MiaCamille]

I'm very lucky too, dh works full time so i can stay home with our 2 year old, i provide lunchs for kids that i got get at lunch time along with my 2 oldest ones i also babysit 2 kids after school, meaning i work at home too. Diner is ready when he gets home, he cleans up with me and does dishes will i bathe my 2 year old or sometimes he's the one doing the bathing.... he helps me clean the house on the weekends if i had not had a chance to do it in the week, he takes care of all the outside work, yard, grass snow etc... i mostly do laundry and ironing but he can do some if needed. We both get a "night off" where we each go out, he goes curling and i go bowling...He helps out with the kids also, i mostly do homework cause they do it afterschool and i'm the one there. On the weekends he helps me out with meals..

[erinellakal]

You ladies are lucky.........
DH doesn't do much around here but keep the recliner nice and warm!
He is great with the kids though. He always gives them the attention they want when he gets home THEN he plops down on the recliner.

He does work really hard and has to commute and hour both ways, so i know he is tired and i appreciate that I can stay home cuz he works so hard.

So I don't nag him too much about helping me out around the house.

[MOMentous]

Lessly, I completely agree... nagging will of course not get anyone anywhere. In many ways I really don't feel that I have it any worse off than anyone else, I suppose it's just the transition into this new lifestyle that seems to be going at a 100mph pace. I feel that by now, over five months into it, I shouldn't still be struggling and so worn down. I know it only gets easier with time, but as of now it's just exhausting. I feel like I should really start incorporating a schedule into my days. When everything is in order, I'm completely on point, but when things start to slide a bit it throws me completely off balance. It's like I can't function when I'm surrounded by clutter (laundry and dishes that pile up, in particular). DS also had horrible colic until late in his third month and reflux that only exasperated it, so he was constantly seeking comfort (I quite literally mean 24/7). Things have TREMENDOUSLY improved in that respect... but, providing breakfast, lunch and dinner, laundry, dishes, nursing, diaper changes, playtime, bathing, animal care, groceries, showering (hahha)--you all know the drill--sometimes I can't keep up!

DH does help when he can, a few hours a week when he gets some down time, and something I do love is that he takes NOTICE to all that I do and never fails to thank me. I have to give him credit there.

When and how do you make time for yourself? What do you do to relax?

Originally Posted by vanaden

He is home w/ the kids now by himself for a few hours 4 days a week so now it is his job to give snacks and things.Now he realizes waht I go through trying to keep the house clean and I know how tiring it is to work.

Hahhahaha, reading that I envision the typical made for television scenario with the husband running around the house, phone cord wrapped around his legs while he begs his wife to tell him to come home while the kids scatter the house on skates with paintbrushes in hand, all the while the washer is overflowing with suds and red dye that happened to come from a sock that accidentally slipped into the load of whites.... I think you get the idea!

Originally Posted by vanaden

I walk in last night and my daughters hair looks like Medusa on steroids, there was something dryed up in it, she had a white shirt on w/ a purple stain on the front, a skirt that was seriously falling down ( I had to pin it) and panty hose with holes in them. My husband sheepishly looked at me and said "she dressed herself".
I made him swear he'd never let her again!!!
From now on, I am laying out the clothes and demanding a bath before church!

I'm convinced your life belongs on TV, hahhahha. I think it's great your husband tries... and even if he 'fails' (steroid medusa head), at least you have a great story to tell from the experience.

Sooner or later things will level out I'm sure. DH knows I'm a little overwhelmed and I suppose I could ask for a hand with the bedtime routine. Though I'll tell you what I'd really like; our son has a habit of doing his dirty business (numero 2!) in the night, and is still eating 2-3 times throughout 12am-7am... so I wake several times in the night change and feed him. I'd really like at least like a full-nights rest once a week. Alas, DS still refuses to drink from a bottle, so that's just wishful thinking for the future!

Originally Posted by MiaCamille

We both get a "night off" where we each go out, he goes curling and i go bowling...

That's one thing I think is absolutely essential! I can't wait until we're finally at that point, even if it's getting out once a month... everyone needs a little time to wind down once in a while. We've got quite a bit of time because our son is still so young and is still reliant on me for his food intake... but down the road, definitely.

Originally Posted by erinellakal

DH doesn't do much around here but keep the recliner nice and warm!

Hahha, aw! Tell him to share the wealth, you're both working hard! Or get one big enough for the both of you!

[twinzplus3]

I think dh and I worked well as a team before but having twins is not for wimps! Not that he wasn't pulling his share before, but having twins simply meant that I needed help w/babies--period. There just wasn't another alternative. We split the housework mostly 50/50 but really he looks at it as "the things that need to get done" and whoever gets to them first does them with few exceptions. (I HATE the way he does laundry, therefore--I do it all. ) My house is not stunningly clean but that too, went with having twins. I just had to let it go. It's now liveable. . . but everyone knows to call before dropping by.

I think too for us, this is part of the deal with homeschooling. He knows I can't teach AND clean AND cook AND be a sane wife and mother. So the way he sees it is my full time job is teaching our children, his full time job is coaching other people's children and everything else is to be split.

[DivasMomma]

Im a guilty nagger and Ill tell you what....it gets me no where but more PO'd My DH also works 10-12 hour days, but I really only ask him to do very minor things (take out the trash on ur way out the door in the AM, make your own lunch, put your laundry away since i wash and fold, and do the dishes after dinner, which is only a small amount because I keep up with them the whole time Im cooking) He really barely does any of that stuff, and says the infamous "But I work and you dont" lines. Thats when the nagging starts because I DO WORK! Taking care of the kids and house IS work just because I'm not out of the house getting dirt under my nails!!

thats the only reason I start nagging, but like I said, doesnt get me anywhere...GL

[vanaden]

For relaxing I go to Goodwill! I love it! and I can do it when I only have a few bucks to spend. (even though half the time I buy something for my kids )
I wrestle with the kids. It always makes everyone so happy to goof off together.
When you're a mom, I don't really think we have serious "me" time. It's grabbing those precious seconds when they're preoccupied...even though you usually clean something instead.
At night I take a little time to myself when they're in bed to relax. That's the beauty of kids who go to bed early!
I wish you luck MOM...in finding your groove and what works for you!