[yahyah]

latest update, none. i am having a hard time breathing. i showered and went out for dinner. i feel a bit better, but i think it may be coming back up soon. everyone one of my friends say the same thing, kick him out. he is not worthy of me. so, maybe they are just good friends saying nice things, maybe they are right. anyway, searching youtube for funny videos. my best friend suggested that if we could bottle up what we had in the 6th grade - laughing soooo much we got kicked out of class, we would be richer than bill gates. ha!

[Sweetrossy]

Im so sorry and I can imagine what you are going throuh.. its really disrespectful what he did .. I cannot decide for you to kick him out or let him stay.. thats your decision.. my advice would be when he shows up make sure he gives you a good explanation.. dont go to ther topics just sticjk to the basic one and then you will know what your decision is.. coz now its anger.. and its not the right time to make a decision.. Goodlck and God bless

[Alejandros Mommy]

The "so happy together" song was a real mean thing to send it he didn't mean it!

[Angel038]

The hard time breathing is what I get when I feel that way which was not so long ago. Panic attacks I call them basically. I had 2 anxiety attacks and this was different. I cant imagine how you are coping with this because I could not deal with my hubby or b/f not coming home at all or calling. It would hurt like hell. I am sorry your feeling this way. Just keep busy with yourself and do things for yourself and try not to think of him as much as u have to. I know in past relationship break ups, i always kept myself angry thinking of the bad stuff until i could deal with the good memorys. good luck..kim

[Firespice]

your best friend is right. you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would let you think he is dead or dieing, instead of having the decency to call and say I am leaving. Hugs to you! It is hard to breath, but life will move on. And don't listen to anyone who says things to hurt you on purpose.

and defiantly get counciling at least for yourself. if he wants to try, i would say at least go and see what happens, but keep in mind the way he left.

Hugs

suzie

[yahyah]

Big update. I went to see a marriage counselor today. She basically said I married a guy who has a low ability for intimacy and no tolerance for conflict and i am not shy of conflict and have a great capacity and need for intimacy. So if I want to fight for the marriage, I can, but his parents will always be there for him and always be an influence on our marriage. That is his choice and he chose it. So is that what i really want for my future????
My parents love him and are really sad. They say,,, make it work...
I still have not heard from him after 6 days, going on 7.
So,,, that is it.
The issues of religion came up and she said, so what? and I thought right, so what...
I am still deeply hurt. I spent the rest of the day cleaning and planning for my future, getting the yard mowed, but I still made the bed all pretty and extra special in case he comes home. And I have a meal in the fridge waiting for him.
I know, I am in denial, totally. with tears in my eyes, good night. its 10:45pm.

[mcmama]

Sweetie, it has to be about what you want. Dissappearing acts like this will not do the marriage any good, and can literally kill you.

Divorce takes a while to actually go through. Separation can be temporary, it can be a way of laying down the law, and seeing where it goes. Reconciliations can happen if possible.

One of my best college professors who wound up being my neighbor had a great marriage. He used to tell me that "Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Both partners give 100%". He and his wife were like night and day - and had a great marriage.

Marriage is a partnership. A for better or worse partnership. Your husband is not being a partner. It sounds as if he and his family are waiting for you to guess what is up, and of course you will guess wrong.

I'm divorced, and I am the LAST person to advise anyone to divorce, because it is really not a solution to "troubles, ups and downs, etc". But what is going on here is not marriage. When I hear people tell me they divorced because they "grew apart" I wonder why someone didn't grow their marraige back together. Divorce is way more serious than that.

Take each day for what it is, one day at a time, and decide only for now what you need to do to cope. He's not dependable, you have a job that requires you being away several days at a time, animals need care, get someone to do it. And I would begin to financially plan as though divorce is happening, and make whatever decisions you need to make that will benefit you long term.

[yahyah]

yah, a vow for marriage and he just bolts after loading us up with responsibilies. its really becoming apparent that he is not capable of being "the husband".
i can see how this could take a tole on my health...
got a lot of exercise taking care of projects around here with loose ends... cleaning up after him in the back yard and garage.
,,,on advice from a family member i asked the counselor to contact him and request a meeting. we'll see what happens...

[QueenAngie]

Sending you good vibes......about the meeting.

I'm glad you went to see the counselor.

That helped put some personal prospective
on the relationship into what is the expected normal and what is off base.

You are being responsible and the adult here. Sounds like you have
also had to be the Mommy in the marriage, and not the wife.
Or am I way off?

Do you have your own personal line of credit? In your own name, not jointly?
Make certain you are financially secure.

(((Hugs)))

[yahyah]

I was financially secure beforehand and he mentioned the text message session that he wanted out and his name off from everything. so if that is true, i should be ok. and should be able to afford the house and one car. also, yes, i have a line of credit just in case. the only issue is that he is driving the car that comes out of my paycheck (which the loan has some floater on it from his last mistake car purchase before we met) and i have his.
anyway, all those facts plus stuff i am coming accross around here suggests he has never been responsible. he can't pick up after himself and just piddles from one project to the next. it is a little upsetting. at least three major man projects unfinished that i will have to hire out.
so i took yesterday and today working my butt off to remove all of the crap ( im mean piles of wood and debries that needed to go to the curb plus trash he had hoarded in the garage. broken toilet parts... not his posessions. and sifted thru all of the mail, and took out the important statements. making this place look sparkeling so the last time (if this happens) he is here he has that memory to last with. cus this place is a gem. he will miss it.
and no, i wasn't the mommy, more like his leader roommate since he "was not the kind of person that needs sex very much".... he probably needed the mommy though...
so if he chooses out still, i am having one heck of a lemon chicken dinner for all my local friends who have been here for me.