[doughecath]

Hi, I'm new to this board and very glad I found it so I have a place to vent and maybe get some support. I've been married for 22 years to a man who has used meth off and on our entire marriage. It was never an issue but here lately it seems to be getting worse. He is a truck driver and claims that he has to use so he can stay awake and do his job. I'm sure that is part of the reason but more than anything I know its the addiction. Twice now he has overdrawn our bank account to get money for this drug. I'm not a stranger to this drug because I have a niece who just recently got out of prison for using and is now recovering and doing wonderful. I can't talk about this with my family because frankly I don't want them to know. We have a 15 year old son who is the light of my life and he has no clue that his dad uses. When my husband is coming off of this drug he is very mean, not in a physical way but verbally and is particularly hard on our son. I usually try to intervene and take the brunt of the verbal abuse. Can anyone out there relate to what I'm going through right now???? Please I need someone to vent to, I feel like I'm losing my mind

[babydawn]

I am very sorry you are going through this. I can relate somewhat. My brother is a meth addict and it has been a very hard 7 or 8 years (I can't remember). Does your husband understand the seriousness of this drug? I would be deeply concerned for him driving while using it, especially a large truck. I don't want to add to your worry, but he needs to get some help, and he needs the love and support of his family in order to kick the habit. The hardest part is that he needs to want to kick the habit in order to do so. Please keep us posted, vent all you need to, we are here to listen. Take care.

[MissyChrissy]

He's an addict, so he'll have every excuse in the book to use. He'll continue wiping you out financially and emotionally too. He needs to get help, and clean up. If he won't, you need to leave. Meth is soooo dangerous-as you've already witnessed, it changes the person's entire demeanor and who they are. It causes extreme paranoia...among other things.

An acquaintance of mine became paranoid that his neighbor was sneaking his meth, so he shot him. No joke...it's a very deadly drug, and will cause the user to have ZERO emotion whatsoever.

I spoke with police officers who were on scene right after the incident...the wife of the shooter was high on meth too...her husband just shot someone in front of her and her children..he was being arrested and she wasn't shedding a tear. Not one bit of emotion whatsoever. She didn't care.

I'd run. Run run run away...till he got clean. Meth is awful.

[mommy2067]

Originally Posted by MissyChrissy

He's an addict, so he'll have every excuse in the book to use. He'll continue wiping you out financially and emotionally too. He needs to get help, and clean up. If he won't, you need to leave. Meth is soooo dangerous-as you've already witnessed, it changes the person's entire demeanor and who they are. It causes extreme paranoia...among other things.

An acquaintance of mine became paranoid that his neighbor was sneaking his meth, so he shot him. No joke...it's a very deadly drug, and will cause the user to have ZERO emotion whatsoever.

I spoke with police officers who were on scene right after the incident...the wife of the shooter was high on meth too...her husband just shot someone in front of her and her children..he was being arrested and she wasn't shedding a tear. Not one bit of emotion whatsoever. She didn't care.

I'd run. Run run run away...till he got clean. Meth is awful.

What you have just said is sooooo scary Missy Crissy.... I don't know much of anything about meth ( and hopefully never will!!!!!) other than what I have seen on TV or read about.

I would definitely get out of the situ (even if it is just until your DH gets his life together and is able to stay clean) even though you have been married for 22 years....I know for better or for worse...but you have to keep yourself and your son safe...You both have to be the priority here...I know that you probably still love him and want more than anything in the world to "fix him" but at this point you would be best loving him from a far...You never know when his verbal abuse may escalate to something even worse...Verbal abuse is damaging in itself especially for your vulnerable son...not to mention yourself...That is no way to live my dear!!!! He has to be the one to change, to want to change, to kick the habit and get clean and stay healthy...perhaps if you did seek alternate living arrangements and cut him off from your financial supply it may be the catylist that is needed to motivate him...maybe... maybe not!!! I will keep you in my prayers...Only you can make the right decision for yourself and your minor son...You have to do in your heart what is right...even if it ends up being a very difficult decision...Sending you (((hugs))) and prayers for clarity and guidance....

[MJ7]

I'm sorry about your situation. The best support I can offer you is to find a support group for families and friends affected by loved one's drug use. I know there are groups out there and hopefully one around you. You might try the yellow pages under support?

[grt8day]

((((hugs)))
I may know a bit what you are going through as my hubbie was addicted to crack about 5 years ago. It was the darkest, saddest time of my life. Unfortunately, I did not know he had been involved with this drug until 2 years into it. Then, it all suddenly became apparent that there was something terribly wrong. We have since made it through the difficult times and are on the other side of his addiction. It is up to you to decide when you have had enough of the drugs and addiction. It is then that he will have to make a choice- the drugs or his family. I know it is going to be hard for you, but if you continue as you have he really has no reason to stop using. Like they say the addict needs to hit rock bottom before coming to terms with his addiction. I would say rock bottom came at least twice for us! I found as I begam to plan my life without my husband the clearer it was to him, that I was not going to put up with his drugs in my home and around our children. The choice then became his to make.

[holley4brl]

I have been married two years to a meth addict and it has been absolute hell. When we got married he had been clean 3 years and honestly I thought he would never relapse again, but he did, again and again. I did actually ask him to leave the home once but I let him come back if he promised not to do it again. Now he is showing all of the signs but of course denies it. I am so lost. We have three children and I am so torn on what to do. I don't want to break their hearts by divorcing but I don't want to end up losing them because of my husband's behavior either. I can't imagine life without my husband. All I can do is pray for god to help me do the right thing for my family.

Originally Posted by doughecath

Hi, I'm new to this board and very glad I found it so I have a place to vent and maybe get some support. I've been married for 22 years to a man who has used meth off and on our entire marriage. It was never an issue but here lately it seems to be getting worse. He is a truck driver and claims that he has to use so he can stay awake and do his job. I'm sure that is part of the reason but more than anything I know its the addiction. Twice now he has overdrawn our bank account to get money for this drug. I'm not a stranger to this drug because I have a niece who just recently got out of prison for using and is now recovering and doing wonderful. I can't talk about this with my family because frankly I don't want them to know. We have a 15 year old son who is the light of my life and he has no clue that his dad uses. When my husband is coming off of this drug he is very mean, not in a physical way but verbally and is particularly hard on our son. I usually try to intervene and take the brunt of the verbal abuse. Can anyone out there relate to what I'm going through right now???? Please I need someone to vent to, I feel like I'm losing my mind :eek:

[krieka]

My family has been affected by this drug. I am now a single mother of 3 teenage kids who discovered her husband of 19 years was using meth. It took the family home to be foreclosed, a STD, loss of close personal friends before I could come to terms with the fact that my husband is a METH ADDICT. He lied, he lied, he lied, and he stole and he stole, even from his kids. Let me say 6 months prior to December 27, 2007, he was the perfect mate, perfect father very involved and very loving person who had a responsible nature. He first started to smoke cigarettes, which he never did. The kids and I thought that rather odd, but thought that the job was stressing him out (mortgage broker). little did I know, he was cavorting around with the wrong people, strippers, prostitutes, and meth users. The money stopped coming in, he stopped going to his business, he began to lie, he stopped coming home, made up excuses for not coming home, and then he didn't come home for 2-3days at a time. meanwhile, I am hanging on by a hair, tyring to keep it together for the kids. But it continued to get worse, and I could no longer lie for him as well. The kids began to see the tell tale signs. The final straw was when he told me I was pathetic when I was crying and pleading with him to help the marriage and with the children. He just went back to bed. The next morning, was my epiphany....he took it upon himself to talk with my 13 year old son who was acting out the night before; instead of talking or discussing the issue that occurred the evening before. he took his belt and began to hit him. My heart sank, my fear of him and my hatred of him made me sick. I moved out 2 days after Christmas which I provided for my children and managed to get moved from a 5 bedroom beautiful home to a 3 bedroom rental. My credit was shot, my bank account was non existent, but I knew that I could do better than I was doing for my children. They were looking to me for safety, security and above all a place to live without arguments, tears and calls from creditors. It will be 5 months, and I cannot tell you the beautiful transformation that has occured within my family. It has not been easy, but you can make it...if not for you but for your son. He deserves so much more than a drug addict for a father. Please heed my words, they do not change, they will continue to lie and continue down their path of destruction and believe me he will take you with him unless you leave. Good luck....start reading co-dependent no more...great book and real eye opener. remember, your son is watching you, show him by example and demand the very best for the both of you, because you deserve it! and yes, keep praying!

[For little Elza]

I come from a small town of about 1,000 people. I was gone for a couple of years, when meth ravaged my hometown. I came back to my little brother shipped off to federal prison, cousins sitting in federal prison, friends in prison, a good friend who died after being stopped by cops and ingesting his meth to avoid being caught, only to die in jail from an overdose when it took over his body completely.

I missed funerals and arraignments. I miss my friends. My town is just a shadow of what it used to be. Meth stole the current parent generation from their children.

I am a teacher and I have so many children in my classes that have a parent who is in jail. Everyone here has had their lives touched by a loved one using meth.

All I know is it cannot be beaten alone. My brother is still high risk for a relapse and he has had all the help in the world. Good luck and God bless you, your son, and your husband.

But you have stepped on your first step. You admitted there is a problem. That is where it all starts.

[JeanLynn81]

My dad was a truckdriver who began using meth for the reasoning that he had to stay awake. It escalated and he made family life a living hell for us.

When I was 6 years old, my mom and me went to a pawn shop so I could pick out my first REAL piece of jewelry. I found a ring with a diamond and a pearl in a heart shape. I LOVED that ring, and had to promise my mom that I would take real good care of it because it was expensive and it was a gift. Every night I would do the dishes and set it ina dish on the kitchen shelf by the sink, before going to bed. One morning it was gone. I cried for days and we looked everywhere. A week later my mom found the pawn slip for it in one of my dad's coat pockets.

When I was 8 I remember my dad putting my then 5 year old brother over his lap and giving him a spanking that caused bruises. All because my brother didn't feel like getting dressed, so my dad could make a run to his dealer.

When I was 10, my father came home real messed up one night, and almost raped me.

Having said all of that, I AM EXTREMELY AGAINST LETTING A CHILD LIVE IN A HOME WITH A METH ADDICT. If your husbands are still being allowed to live in the family home with the children, while they are using, GET THEM THE HELL OUT! PLEASE! Otherwise, accept the consequences that your children may suffer through something that will completely ruin their childhood.

That's my piece.