[poohsbrana]

Might be a kinda long post...sorry in advance.

I think i've raised my three year old to be ... a brat, simply put. She is awful, and i'm embarrassed to take her in public. She, of course, wants all the attention, but the bad part is, my family gives it to her. Everyday when I come home she locks me out of the house, [my mothers inside] and yells "Baby no like you no more", yes she speaks in third person. She throws a fit about everything, a candy bar, specificly stated she can't until AFTER dinner, creates a HUGE scene. Which ends in my mother, or someone else bringing her a candybar and saying it can't her too much. But that is what has hurt her, she thinks everything is suppose to happen her way, and if she don't like it it won't happen. She throws temper tantrums at the grocery store for a toy, that she can't have. Everything is just so hard to do, simple everyday tasks of putting up her hair, and i'm at my whits end! Any advice? Thanks and (((hugs))).

[DivasMomma]

dont worry...a lot is age too

my daughter is turning 3 in November and is (in my opinion) the biggest brat on Earth. She too throws a fit over the smallest things.

does your mom live with you? Or does she watch her? My dad lives with us, and i just recently sat down with him and told him he has to stop giving into her every want. She didnt eat dinner for a full 2 weeks because after her nap she would go downstairs and eat cookies and pretzels with her papi. I told him he had to ask me if she were allowed. Now she gobbles up her dinner just so she can go down and have her cookie.

Disicipline isnt somehting that comes easy in this house...I am a push over and from what you are saying, it seems we are in the same boat. Stay tough...The other day she wanted ot go out with me...wouldnt listen. She didnt go. It was SO hard for me to keep her in the house, but since she didnt listen its what I had to do. Now I feel so much stronger, and she has been acting so much more well behaved. PM sometime and maybe we can swap horror stories and ways to fix them

[mcmama]

She locks you out of the house so your mom brings her what she wants and says it can't be too much??????

HELL NO.

Get child proof locks on your doors. Put the deadbolt too high.

Take the candybar away. In front of your mom. Even if it means a wrestling screaming I am being abused you're not my mommy you are mean match.

Tell your mother "This is MY child. You can spoil her like a grandma should, BUT DO NOT INTERFERE WITH PROPER DISCIPLINE". This is the cardinal rule of grandparenting.

Then tell your daughter she does not get what she wants behaving like this. And she'll let 'er rip, but NO ONE CARES. And if it gets to be too much, she goes to her room. She'll fight you on that too, physically at first. SHE CANNOT WIN.

Oh, and the baby talk? She talks like she knows how to talk, like a big girl, or she doesn't get what she wants.

Personally, if I was your mom, I would not be handing her a candy bar. I would be modeling the discipline techniques I used with my boys. That is - you behave first or all bets are off.

Mom's in charge.

If you don't get this under control at 3, it will be much worse when she is 13.

[mcmama]

Looking back over your post, this seems to be happening when you come home from work. She is having a transitional tantrum. Threes do that. Is she at your moms house or yours? She's switching gears between her day stuff and her night stuff, and grandma and you. And really, some of this is the negative that she stores up all day - probably doesn't vent it with grandma like she does with you - because you are the mom, and you are forever.

As a former daycare provider I can tell you that you cannot cure these transitional tantrums, but you can work with your mom to set things up so they are less likely to occur. Grandma needs to have a rule that no one touches the locks but her (and if she is providing daycare at her house, the locks should be childproof) And the tantrum just runs its course while you pick her up, get her clothes or whatever, and take her home. Or while Grandma says goodbye or goes and does whatever she does. No candy. No rewards. No bargains. Just sheer rage that is ignored or controlled in whatever way is safe.

Daycare providers set up transitions as best we can, I used to have a little song "you're mommy's coming soon..." and we had a routine of getting ready for mommy. We still had the meltdown, but at least they were ready to go.

If the tantrum is happening at any other time, then granny just has to know that you are the boss and that is that.

[twinzplus3]

Yeah I agree with mcmama. . .you've got to get this under control NOW. I don't have too much to add. . .except that consistency is the key in a well behaved child. If you say no, you mean no. You're not angry--it's simply the way the world works. I too, would take a candy bar away etc. and yep, I do it in front of my mom or my mil if need be.

[mollymae]

I agree that you need to get this under control now. Consistent boundaries. It might be vaguely cute for a 3 year old for a to be spirited, it's not cute to get cheek and attitude from a 6 , 9 or 12 year old.

[poohsbrana]

Thank you guys, sorry i haven't been online in a while.
And yes, we should swap horror stories : ). Lol.

[vanaden]

It's a matter of taking back authority and power in your family. A child should not have as much power is to control you to the point to where you cannot even go to the store.
I think a lot of parent's problems with children come from the fact that they are inconsistent with disipline. THey say they will do this if the child does this certain thing then the parent continues to give warnings and threats instead of acting.
My nephew does the exact same thing. He lays on the floor and screams at wal-mart and they ALWAYS get him a toy. If it works , why fix it is the child's point of view. Give her a reason to fix it. Stop reacting the way she wants you to and take a stand for your sanity.
There is no shame is disipline, no matter what the world says. You are shaping your child into who she is going to be for the rest of her life. And noone else is going to fix our family for us. It's our job.

[fostermommy]

Tantrums - especially in public - can be quite upsetting for parents. And - I'll admit - the first response is to do whatever it takes to help the child to be happy again. Otherwise, the "bad parent" guilt sets in. But - after raising three kids to their teens - and starting all over with foster babies and toddlers (with NO history of discipline or a history of the WRONG discipline), and working in a preschool for kids with disabilities, I have learned that totally ignoring the tantrums works for every kid I've had. We have an area rug in our foyer, and screaming and kicking can be done there. I simply scoop him up - not saying a word - and calmly place him on the rug - and walk away. If he gets off the rug while screaming, I just put him back on calmly. No discussion. I've actually walked away from my DD kicking and screaming on the floor of the grocery aisle. I refuse to react any other way to their tantrums regardless of where we are. It's embarrassing, but it works.
Regarding your daughter locking you out, if Grandma won't prevent this from happening, then I would simply open the door with my key and pay no attention to her attitude. I would walk right past her screaming and give Grandma or anybody else positive attention. Not sure whether she is at Grandma's house or yours - but I would focus the attention on Grandma. When DD acts right, shift the positive attention to her, and get Grandma out of the picture asap so it's just the 2 of you.
It's so nice that Grandma can provide care for your little one while you are away. The benefits are so great. However, it is time for a frank discussion with her - without your DD present. You are the mom, and she needs to respect that. Set very clear guidelines - maybe even write them down. "No snacks after a certain time"; consequences for certain behavior, etc. Three is the worst time of all - well, except maybe 15 - but that's a long time coming She will be an angel in a year or two if you can consistently apply the rules and consequences.
Good luck.

[PrettyInPinkx4]

I agree with FosterMommy 100%!

Its not going to be an easy road... but it will help her to learn that she can get attention by being good and by not throwing a fit. I would also inform my family members of this as well... if Grandma doesn't help it might not be fixable.

I have 3 foster daughters, ages 3, 4, and 5... whom all have come from homes with no discipline where they were allowed to "rule the roost"... needless to say, I am winning! I can take them all to run errands and do what I NEED TO DO for THEM!!! They are quiet, helpful, respectful, and happy... kids need the boundries! If they see you stick it out and keep your word with consequences, she'll know that you will also keep your word with other things as well!

(((((HUGS)))) and good luck on your journey!!!