[MyWifesHeart]

I have heard mixed things about marriage counseling. I have heard from some that it is the best thing that they could have done and it saved their marriage. Others have said that it is one of the worst things you could do because it is just a blame fest. I have posted another forum about my wife loosing all trust for me. I am just looking for some answers as to wether marriage counseling is good or bad. And if it is the key to truly saving a marriage that wants to be saved!

MyWifesHeart

[mcmama]

You will never know until you try.

If there is some blame you have to take, it will do no good to avoid it. Counseling is about facing the issues in the marriage so that you can work on repairing the damage.

[KR258]

I think that going to counseling will help because it will show her you're making a big effort to fix things...even if it doesn't seem to work out for you she will at least see you're trying. Sometimes it may be about putting the blame where it belongs but only so you both can work through those feelings and get to the other side of it.

[slygirrl]

We did the marriage counseling thing in 2005.... And let me tell you this, it will only work if BOTH parties apply what your counselor tells you to do to try to keep your relationship in tact.

I read your pp about your deal with your wife.... Are you concerned it's going to be a blame fest because you did wrong? If that's the case and you don't want the finger pointed at you, then why bother? That's exactly what got you there in the first place. And I also read you were going to see a counselor because you wanted to "find out what's wrong with you"...... Let me save you 50 bucks and squash it right now..... You are "used" to your wife, people naturally become comfortable with eachother, in EVERY aspect of the relationship. You said she gives you sex whenever you want, that's not what a relationship is based on (or it shouldn't be anyway). You met this other new person and she brought something new to the table and regardless of whether you followed through on the affair -the point is you already mentally committed yourself to it.

I'm getting off subject, does marriage counseling work? Sure.. it CAN, but is it a cure-all? Absolutely not.

[PetScribe]

Slygirl hit it right on the nail, MyWifesHeart.

Do you really want to save your marriage?

Do you really love your wife?

Are you going to be able to face up to whatever wrongs you may have done? And are you going to be able to fix them?

If you answered yes to the above, try counseling. If you don't really care about saving your marriage, well... I hate to say it. But self interest stimulates behavaior. You'll find a way to get what you want. If that's to save your marriage, nothing will be too much trouble. Including counseling. If not, then everything will be too much trouble.

But a counselor isn't going to fix YOUR problems. They'll give YOU suggestions for things YOU can do to fix them...but only if that's what you really want to do.

[ItalianByAdoption]

The reason counseling often doesn't work is that the couple waits too long until the problems have increased to the breaking point and one or the other or both in the couple are no longer committed to solving the problem. If you both are humble enough to admit your errors and you both want to save the marriage counseling will work, otherwise it can still help to see where the problem was. The longer you wait the more difficult it becomes.