[slygirrl]

Okay girls all of you have always been a tremendous help and I am out of ideas on my own, so I am asking for the wisdom of all of you now...

Devin has been my problem child now for about 3 months, ever since I had Skylar, but I don't know if the behavior issues truly are a direct correlation because I had this problem last year when she wasn't even here..... Here's the deal.....

He's in first grade now and smart as a whip, I'm not saying it because I'm biased because he's my child, he really is THAT smart. His teacher constantly says how smart he is and he has excellent comprehension and reading skills for only being 6. Our school district utilizes a reading system using the alphabet beginning in pre-k (if they attended pre-k, it is optional in our district because we have a pre-k program designed mostly for kids with developmental delays, speech problems, autism, etc. The pre-k program requires screening and if your child is "too smart" they won't get in if the program is full, which it wasn't when Devin got into it at the age of 3, now it is incredibly hard to get your child in even if they do have developmental concerns because it is so full) Essentially, to make this post a bit more to the point, the first graders must be at a level J reading when they finish first grade.... yeah Devin went INTO first grade at a level J, now he is a level L which is a second grade reading level. He's got his math down and his spelling and can finish his work at lightning speed (and it is always correct). All of his papers he brings home are either "meets expectations" or "exceeds expectations"... I think he has missed 1 on maybe 3 papers TOPS this entire school year. Okay the problem is this, he finishes his school work then goofs off talking and what not because he's usually done before the rest of the class. They get check marks for bad behavior, after 3 check marks they get sent to the principal's office (we haven't made it there yet but we've been close) At the beginning of the year when they were learning all new things his behavior was not as disruptive because he was learning new things, but now he's got everything down and his behavior is becoming a problem. His student teacher (about 5 classes have them this semester, both his and Dominic's pre-k class are 2 of them) sent a note home today saying "You need to talk to him at home" because of his not listening and talking today. Okay firstly, as being "head teacher" (while the real teacher watches) she needs to step up and do whatever she needs to do as his teacher to address it, I can talk to him, but she is ultimately in control of her class, not me. I'm not saying it's her fault, but as learning to be a teacher she's going to come across a child like mine more than a few times if she chooses to make this her career. I have asked repeatedly (to his real teacher who does attempt to try, I'll give her that) to have them give him extra work. He's not a bad child he's BORED!! I'm not condoning his behavior at all because I discipline him for bad behavior at school at home, but I have to wonder if it is because he's bored and because he's really that more advanced, wouldn't it be a disservice to him to yell at him if he's acting out because he has nothing to do? I ask him why he does it and either he says he doesn't know or he says he gets frustrated (the real teacher he has said this student teacher goes much slower in lessons than real teacher does normally)...... What am I supposed to do? I'm not discounting the fact that some of this might be in relation to us having a new baby, but I went through this last year with his kindergarten teacher and all she did was try and diagnose him with ADD which he does not have. He can focus on his subjects, but when he's done that's when he acts up. She wasn't willing to help- give him more work or anything she said it was ADD and that was it (which led to me basically yelling at her and the school social worker because neither of them are doctors and MY own physician said he didn't have it).....

Our school does NOT have a gifted program which I am almost certain he is, so how am I supposed to handle this? I can't have him disrupting the class, but I can't yell at him if he's truly bored because he's operating on a grade level above where he is now. Other parents have had issues trying to get their kids moved up a grade level because the school fights them on it and generally speaking won't do it. Short of selling my house and moving to a district that does have a gifted program, what should I do? I have every intention of speaking with the principal next week because he got his progress report today and, of course, outside of certain self-control issues (the talking, etc.) his progress report is perfect. What am I supposed to say to this man? And how am I supposed to handle Devin?

[MommaColleen]

Is it possible to have him tested to skip a grade? Without a gifted program I really don't know what else to suggest. That is a tough one.

I'm guessing homeschooling him isn't an option?

[JeanLynn81]

I don't understand why, if the teacher notices he's bored, why she doesn't make more of an attempt to remedy that? As a parent, I would be extremely frustrated if my daughter's teacher wasn't doing some minimal things to help. Does his teacher make any effort at all? Even something as small as offering to let him read after he finishes his work? On that note, the libraries here (and you aren't too far from me I think) have a program for young children, that offers rewards for reading so many books. Some have a specific list of books, others do not. Some require book reports...and like when I was a kid-some just take your word for it. Maybe this could fill the time, and discourage him from disrupting the class. Or maybe you could get a little notepad, add math problems, etc to it. If he gets so many correct, maybe he can (i.e.) pick dinner for that night, or get extra tv time on the weekend. Hmmmm, just got to keep that quick mind busy! That's about it for the advice (if its any good anyways ha). Congratulations on having such a smart and gifted little boy!

[KR258]

I don't have a child this age so I don't know the rules about school but if the school won't help you by moving him up a grade or giving him more challenging work maybe you could send him to school with extra work yourself from work books and tell him when he finishes projects before the class is ready to move on that he has to work from the work book and when he finishes a book or page give him a reward for it. I don't know if the school will allow that though.

[fostermommy]

Hi,
Your story brings back frustrating and painful memories. My two oldest children were identified as "gifted" by their school district. However, a few years later, the district eliminated their GT program. My son began displaying behaviors just as you are describing, and teachers began complaining to me about his inattentiveness and disruptive behavior. When I asked for the GT program to be reinstated, they actually told me that my kids were not gifted. Their GT records had been destroyed by the GT teacher who had been fired - so I had no proof. The principal even went so far as to indicate that my son had ADD. The school referred us to a community psychologist - who, after evaluating my son, wrote on his prescription pad "BORED IN SCHOOL!" and told me to give it to the principal. To make a long story a bit shorter.........we did a lot of research in the area of gifted and talented programming. We learned that , at least in our state, all schools are legally required to have a plan in place for meeting the needs of GT kids. After much research, we ended up transferring our kids to another public school district that had GT programming - and our old district had to pay for it through "open enrollment." The old principal got fired right after we left. And my "ADD" son????????? He's a high school senior taking college level calculus, college physics, college literature, and he's been accepted to two different top notch universities, where he plans to study nuclear engineering!! Unfortunately, he has learned some poor study habits which are too late to correct. Advocate for your child. I don't always think that skipping a grade in school is the answer. There are so many ramifications in terms of social / maturity issues. It's not your son's fault. Research and advocate. I wouldn't be too hasty to blame the teacher either. Teachers have so many expectations placed upon them - especially to meet the special needs of kids with disabilities. Districts need to provide more support for the teachers so that they can meet the indivual learning needs of each child. You have a right to request that Differentiation be provided for your son. This is simply that the teacher (or support staff) offer learning opportunities at your son's level. This is legally required in my state at least. Try Googling "Differentiation" and "Gifted and talented" to get more information. Don't give up. Good luck

[mcmama]

He's bored. He;s gifted. And if they continue to ignore him they will waste him. Then he will be a problem. Oh, but wait there is all sorts of money to deal with classified problems.

Really not having a gifted program does not matter because they usually don't know what to do with these kids anyway and a few hours of so called enrichment doesn't do the trick. So heres what you do.

Be a total pest.

But do your research. About what gifted children need. Deserve. About how school systems ruin gifted children.

Get some information here. You have to be his advocate. Just like if he were disabled. Which he is, sort of.

Don't be embarrassed to call your kid gifted. They try to make you feel like that, but you just show them what you know. MAKE them respond to you.

Having a student teacher send a note home about behavioral issues when the head teacher doesn't appear responsive is not good.

Even though he is gifted, he is still a young child - and in many instances, accellerating work does not do the trick, but knowing how to engage smart children does. Check out National Association for the Education of Young Children. First grade is still considered "young child".

[slygirrl]

I looked at some things online about "clues" your child might be gifted and understanding things beyond their years (the summation of what it actually says) is one of them which led me to remember, Devin has this thing for school (some of your kids might be doing it as well) the Jump for the Heart through the American Heart Association. When he brought home the paperwok and we started calling our parents for donations he wasn't so much excited that if he collects 150 dollars he wins a ticket to Six Flags (don't get me wrong he was excited but that was an afterthought to what he did say) he said "Now I get to help people get medicine who have bad hearts" Now I was truly a proud mom when he said that and it also made me realize, most six year olds are still somewhat egocentric at this age and here is my child who is being selfless in trying to collect money so he can help people. I am truly proud of him and Janet I am going to look into how school systems ruin giftedness. Honeschooling really isn't an option because I wrk part time and I don't want to take him out of his social environment (though sometimes that can be an issue too, he doesn't have many friends, and that too is a problem when it comes to gifted kids). His teacher at first was giving him more AR books which are accelerated reader books that they take tests on for points. (I'm not real sure about the point system I just know there's "clubs" for the accelerated readers and they get prizes for so many points they accomplish) I don't know if the attempt is there anymore because he's acting out again just like he did last year. I talked to her the other day and she said she would try but then 3 days later I get a note home from the student teacher, and why the actual teacher had nothing to say I don'tknow. I'm pretty sure she was in class that day. I'm going to fight for him because I don't want him to be discouraged or frustrated and go on to become a slacker, he's too smart for that.

[QueenAngie]

Why not talk with the teacher about an appropriate level of storybook, that he keeps at his desk, to read when his work is completed early. Something that will take several days to read to the end.

Maybe he could do it for extra credit or a book review. If he isn't going to get extra work otherwise, or advised work, at least he would be quietly reading.

[mcmama]

You are going to have to get beyond the identification for gifted kids, and just operate as though you know your kid is gifted. Find where parents of gifted kids meet, go to conferences, etc. It's not part of public school, usually.

We had a program here in NJ that was private, and had classes on Saturdays. Even for preschool. You had to really be identified as gifted on iq or other tests - measurably gifted - to partcipate. The beauty of it for my older son was that the testing (yes we had to pay to have it done, the school would not help one bit) and also the fact that for one day a week he was challenged, engaged, and socializing with other kids who were like him.

There's a convention of parents of gifted children that meets every year here in NJ. Again, it is all private. Go back to that website, and look to see if there are any local groups in your area. You need to network, because advocating for your child is not something that you can do alone.

Gifted or not, if they are boring him, that is a problem with classroom management. They have an obligation to challenge him, redirect his behavior, and teach him how to deal with the times when he will be bored.

I was always the kid who was finished first. I had a fabulous teacher in 3rd grade who was pulling her hair out because I always finished first and had done all the extra credit and accellerated work. So she gave me a book that was a bit beyond my level, and told me she wanted me to help her out, with deciding if it was an interesting book and should we share it with the rest of the class.

Kept me busy for two whole afternoons. But instead of wasting time, I started asking her what "we" could do about finding good books for the class!

I think that was a preferable solution to the other alternative - writing a note home to my folks about their daughter rushing through her work and then goofing off. And really, not a whole lot more work for the teacher.

Teachers like that are rare. A lot of them just do not think as creatively as the students!!!