[codyj]

My wife and I are young, she is 18 i'm 19 we were together off and on for 3 years before we got married, and a month before I left for iraq we got married and now i'm set to come home around mid december. Here is my problem we have had alot of problems with my wife telling the truth and some other things and i got sick of it so i told her if it didnt change we were going to get a divorce so she finally started turning it around and she has been a different person the person i married basically but the problem is i cant get over the past everytime she tells me something i think she is lying even if she is telling the truth i dont know what to do does anyone have any advice to help me because she isn't the one hurting the relationship anymore its me

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Appreciate that you are serving our country too!

You two are young. You pretty much have only been married for 1 month before you shipped out overseas. It takes a process to grow together as a married couple. You've only had a month living under the same roof.

It takes two people working together to make a marriage work. She has to give. You have to give.

Am certain there is counseling available to both of you through the military. Or your minister.

Now is the time to be working on trust and your future together as husband and wife.

[Chipwag64]

codyj,Lots of questions here for you.1). Obviously, your wife was not constantly,openly lying while you were dating? I would assume that, had you known she was a habitual liar, you would not have married her?2.) You mentioned "some other things",anything that you can share with us to clarify the situation?3.) How do/did you find out that she lies?4.) Depending on the answer to #3, how do you know when she is lying or telling the truth?I recently found out that my wife had an affair, having planted a tape recorder the very day that it happened, and twice after. Although there have been times in our 24 years together (6 years dating) where it seemed obvious she was lying,although I didn't have proof, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.When I listened to the tape recordings, I couldn't believe my ears!! If I hadn't recognized her voice, I would never have believed that she talked and acted that way as I listened to her talk to friends on the phone and talking to our children etc.She was sooooo different behind my back than in person, and this was clear on each recording.The reason I tell you this is because we ALL can be liars so easily without effort!!The question is,are the lies constant?,is there denial when confronted with proof or evidence?, is there anger for insinuating that she lies?, if you have evidence, is it credible?You said that she has changed, and I hope that it is true, but has she changed only when you are speaking with her, or writing?

[williamsshek]

Hi,

Can someone suggest me a good resource to get divorced? I am on budget and cannot spend more.

[mcmama]

Sorry, we don't know how to advise spambots in India about divorce. And we'll look in a few days to see your twin spambot answering your question with a handy dandy poorly written automated response directing some poor guy to a website where he will be taken advantage of and lose all his money and suffer identity theft.

But...for real people....

Divorce on a budget. That is a laugh, if you are really interested in doing it well, or if you have a complicated situation. Many people go pro se, and drive their x2bs crazy, delaying, racking up expenses, oh poor poor me. Others hire the fanciest lawyer in town, and if you are "budgeting" opposite that, good luck you will need it.

Best solution is to not rely on stupid websites from India, instead look for a local lawyer who specializes in family law and arrange a consultation. You can also find information about pro se representation and quick state specific solutions on http://www.divorcesupport.com/ and http://www.divorcenet.com/

[pattiewrites]

If it is a simple divorce, you can fill out the papers and file them yourself in front of the judge. Dh got his divorce years ago for less than $100. If there isn't property to be distributed or custody issues to deal with, a divorce can be a fairly simple process. Dh did have a child, but they agreed to visitation and support prior to filing. They had to fill out the forms, get them notarized and appear before the judge to have it signed off. The cost of the papers was like $50 plus filing fees and the papers came with detailed instructions for contacting the court.

It's silly when people pay lawyers untold thousands to end up with the same settlement they would have gotten without the lawyers eating up all the money. That's what happened in my parents' divorce. They met with a mediator, dad didn't like what he said, so in the end, each spent over $10,000 to their attorneys and he got LESS than he would have if he'd just settled in the beginning, plus they would have kept the money paid to lawyers.

[thankful]

If you cant trust you cant love....or cant love as much as you would like. You guys are really young and you will be a different person in a year then another person in 5yrs and so on and time gos by really fast. It hurts when someone lies to you. There is nothing wrong with you not trusting her, I wouldn't either. She has earned that! It takes a long time to really know someone including yourself. Trust yourself and your feeling and stand by them strongly and you decide what kind of people you want in your life. If your lucky your hand will hold one good friend besides yourself. Stay safe. Cathy

[mcmama]

Right Pattie, if you are in agreement and it is a simple matter of declaring it over, that is the best way.

I have a friend whose ex wife felt guilty about divorcing him so she agreed to everything and it was real simple. Then post divorce she had second thoughts and took him to court for all sorts of things. Not so simple.

But we sure don't need some handy dandy website from India telling us how to save money on divorce. There are so many people here who can share their experiences.

[browneyes01]

how do you konw when she is lying, and if you said that she has changed and you are the problem maybe you should het some counselling you guys have not been married long and had the chance to grow together as husband and wife becasue you had to leave for duty. if you want it to work amd you love your wife you should really consider sitting down with your wife and talikng about your concerns over her lying in the past and how this makes you feel.

[mcmama]

Thanks, Cathy and Browneyes, for putting this thread back on track!!!

I left the spam up so that people can see there are a lot of crooks out there ready to take advantage of people who don't want to use lawyers - as well as lawyer crooks!