[KR258]

Katelyn appears to really love Kianna...She tries to give her the paci when she cries (although Kianna hates it) She tries to pick her up and make it all better (really scary)...She helps change her diapers and likes to try to help burp her. She wants to take full care of Kianna by herself and puts up a BIG fight over it. She also tries to make Kianna play with her and doesn't get that Kianna is too young to beat on a drum. She's not getting "gentle". I don't know how to get her to stop.

I thought maybe she's jealous? I try to play with her while Kianna sleeps but Katelyn does something terrible usually right away and has to go in time out. She gets out of time out as soon as I set her down and tries to do whatever she did again...and I just put her back over and over cause she didn't finsh her 2 minutes Heck she doesn't even finish 5 seconds!!! So 2 hours goes by (sometimes its less cause Kianna is needy) and the baby is crying to bf again...so basically Kate never finishes her time doesn't appear to be bothered by what happend and spent our entire "play time" in (sort of) time out.

I very much don't believe in spanking...but I've tried it and retried it recently too. It doesn't effect her at all...it's like it didn't happen! Example!! Kate is pulling on wires (why I donno...why does she do anything!) I tell her no, she ignores me, I spank her bare bum and set her down and she goes right back and does it again..so I spank her again and she does it again and then I donno what to do cause spanking her just breaks my heart. (I only tried this after hours and hours of time out)

I really need help.

[KR258]

Also.....What do I do with her when I am bfing and she's being terrible??

I do my best to entertain the child....she just doesn't seem to care about anything

[mommy2067]

That is hard Kara....but completely normal too!!!! I don't have any hard and fast advice other than be persistent but also understanding when she misbehaves...refer to the behaviour that is not appropriate as opposed to saying she is a bad girl..which perhaps you already do...Praise and encouragement will go a long way too when you "catch" her doing something helpful, appropriate etc....You also have to figure out what behaviours truly warrant a reprimand and which ones can be ignored (within reason)...choose your battles!!! Most are just going to be attention getting and if you deem them tolerable than you may have fewer battles on your hands..but that is up for you to decide what you will accept and what you won't....

Perhaps when you are bfing you could put a movie on for her, have some art stuff out, play dough, possibly read to her with the other available hand...just some ideas...

I think if you continue to do your best to carve some special time out with her when Kianna is sleeping or otherwise occupied that will go a long way...

I know the adjustment period will take some time and you may find you take 2 steps forward some days and the next 10 steps back...just know you are doing your best and this too will work out...everything is still new and fresh and will take some time but eventually you'll get there...this too shall pass.....

I guess I went on a little bit didn't I..I am sure that there will be lots of other helpful suggestions too....Hang in there mama....((((HUGS))))

[wanna be a young mother]

My mom had this exact same problem with my brother(now 8 )when my youngest sister(now 4.5) was born. He would sneak in her room and try taking her out of the bassinet while sleeping. My mom went nuts while BFing b/c that seemed like the time when my brother would act up the most. He was over lovey with her and would "play" to hard. We tried time outs, spanking, taking toys away.....pretty much everything. At this time I was 20 and childless(but newly married) so I spent a lot of time helping my mom out plus she had my 2 other sisters (11 & 12 at the time). We finally decided to just ignore the bad stuff (unless it was a danger to him like playing with a plug or something) then when he did something good we gave him lots of attention. After a week he stopped the bad stuff b/c he wasnt getting "attention" for it.

Since we noticed we was at his worst during BFing mom decided to get him involved in this "special" time so he didn't feel left out. She told him to rub the baby's feet to keep her awake to eat. That was his "job" to make sure the baby stayed up to feed. We showed him how soft he had to do it and he picked up on his "job" pretty fast. To be honest she would always fall alseep no matter what and Maddy didn't even notice him doing it lol but it gave my brother a job. Of course he lost interest after a few weeks but he stopped acting up.

Give her a "job" and make sure she knows how important that role is. My brother would walk around the house bragging that he was the "foot rubber" lol. He was soooo happy about it and if anyone tried to do his job he would get mad. She needs to feel like a part of everything. I know its hard to get toddlers involved since they seem to be rough but instead of her helping with everything just give her ONE job that she needs to do a few times a day. Then when she is bothering you during other things (like a diaper change) tell her that its not time for her "special job" but that it will be in X amount of time. That way she has a role and doesnt drive you nuts all day tring to "help".

[angelic_ky]

i like Jen's idea of a special job... does she have a fav doll? you tell her her doll is her baby so when you are feeding she can "feed" her doll, when you are changing nappy she can sit down next to you with her baby and change it's nappy... also you can try a special toy or show that she can have only while you are BF... also heard that having her sit down with some snacks of her own can help

as with the bad behavior, i think you will find that most of it is because she is feeling left out, so as Jen said: ignore the bad but really praise the good

[oweirdo]

jenn, where you said foot rubber, i thought you said rubber foot, and I could not figure what just a what job rubber foot had. I like you ideals, hope some work!!

[LovingJesusinAZ]

It's not the easiest thing in the world, but I have my son sit next to me while I nurse and I read to him.

My son was 25mo when his sister was born and though it's been 7mo he's still having an adjustment period, but it does get easier. "Gentle" is a hard term for a 2.5yo to grasp. My son sounds just like Kate where he loves his sister a little too much sometimes. Even now, she'll be playing on the floor and he'll go lay on her and say "I hug sister" eventhough she's squealing and I'm trying to peel him off of her!

A month or so ago they were "playing" together and I was in the other room. I heard "thunk" WAAAAAAA. I go in and my 2yo says "I pick up sister. Sister's heavy". The best I can figure is he tried picking her up and didn't have the strength! YIKES! Good news is I know he only got her a couple inches off the ground, at the most (and even then it wasn't her whole body). He has also crawled into her crib with her, which I think is actually sweet

GOOD LUCK!

[DivasMomma]

Jae went through everything you talked about...gave me horrible flashbacks haha



number one it DOES get better....until Kianna is old enough to beat up her sister....these are some tips i have

stick with timeouts to the best of your ability
when bfing Kianna, give Kate a bottle and a baby doll and let her feed her own baby


Let Kate hold Kianna when you are there to help and watch
make big fusses over kate being a big girl and when she does something good, just fuss over it
Just keep up with playing with Kate alone as much as possible
good luck!