[Jay20]

Hello,
Im new here. I need some advice in helping my girlfriend raise her two kids. The kids are 19 months and 6 months. We have been doing good but now i fear things are getting rocky. We took the 19 month old to the hospital today and she put the 6 month old on a gurney and i was in charge of watching him but i was watching her and he rolled off onto the floor. We both freaked out. I feel soo bad about it and she seems to have forgiven me for it but I cant get over it. Ive withdrawn myself because of the guilt. If something happens to him its all my fault and i cant handle it. Not only that...she wants me to help raise these kids but doesnt want me to play the FATHER figure. I dont know if I can do that. I want to be with her soo bad but these are crazy circumstances. I think I want my own children in a few years but I dont think she wants anymore. Its messing with my head and emotions. How do I deal with all this?? How do I raise two children and not get attached and play the father figure?? I need help...and quick. Thanks to everyone that posts.

[MiaCamille]

i hope the baby is ok but sadly it wouldn't be the first time that a baby had an accident, it's happened to many of us...Maybe it's time you 2 sat down and talked about what you each want and where do you see each other in a couple of years...

[VinniesMommy]

Is the children's father involved in their life? That might be why she doesn't want them to see you as a "father figure" or maybe she thinks that you guys have not been together long enough and she doesn't want them to get attached in case something were to happen? I don't really know what your circumstances are, but you should really talk to her about it. I don't know if it's possible to help raise kids and NOT get attached, and you should mention that. Maybe tell her that you either want to be a father figure, or you want to take a step back, just so that you don't get hurt in the end. With having kids that close together, she probably doesn't want any more right now, but that doesn't mean that she won't want more later. Right now though, it's probably the last thing she wants to think about. I had my first 2 only 10 months apart, and for the longest time, I didn't want to THINK about having more kids, but right as my youngest son hit 1, I was ready for number 3. But you should make sure that you are not only happy with her, but happy with the life you both can have together. If having kids is something you really want in your future, and she is not willing to give them to you, you might have some thinking to do. You don't want to resent her later for not giving you children of your own, ya know? Also, accidents happen. I understand you feel guilty, as would anyone, but as long as the child is fine, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Many boo-boos will happen, it's all part of being a kid. Hope you figure things out... Good luck!

[Nanotoo]

Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too!
There are, most likely, trust issues in her... and you have not engendered that trust in her... and you may never. For some reason, your generosity can be somewhat of a threat to her. She may never have met someone that can be this giving.
As difficult as it may seem (as it always is with kids involved)... you have to stop messing around and have a 'come to Jesus' conversation. Will you marry her? She you? Is she willing to come together...or is she still looking?
I hate to say it, from my perspective, I say be ready to walk... find someone that can appreciate the commitment that you bring to the relationship... and will value it.
Sorry.