[JeanLynn81]

My mom has been going downhill very fast the past week. She is very strong and sometimes misjudges her own strength...resulting in all these scary middle-of-the-night hospital trips. I'm not going to type much because I am just too emotional and drained for the right words. I am running on 3 hours of sleep and have been up since midnight...Anywhoo...

My mom has been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia in half of each lung. We don't know anything other than right now, but I do know she just was fine one day and near death the next. She couldn't even open her eyes, she was so weak from lack of oxygen, and her chest was heaving like I've never seen it do.

I'm not sure how much fight she has left in her, but I figured a few prayers could help. Not just for her, but our whole family. She is the glue that holds us all together, and I just don't know how.....Well, ok...I don't need to go there right now, but..

Just wanted to get some of it out and ask for the prayers to keep coming. Thanks!

[Labhaoise]

Please keep posting here Jean if you need prayer- I don't care how often you need prayer...we're here for you. s
I am praying for you and your mum and your family right now, and will continue to- writing my self a post it note to remind me. Thinking of you too.

[mommy2067]

Don't worry how often you ask for prayer..as Louise says...keep asking..I will keep your mom in my prayers as I have been doing and you and the family too...I so know and understand what you are going through right now...I don't think I need to say more than that...we are here for you...sending you warm (((((HUGS))))).....

[AussieD]

Praying for you and you family and of course your Mom. And it doesn't matter how often you come for prayer, JeanLynn81, it is a privilege to pray for others. We've probably all been on the receiving end of prayer at other times.

[angelic_ky]

[purelegance]

as aussied said, you can never ask too much. you & your family are on my list! :

[Alejandros Mommy]

Big Hugs Jean. You, your mom and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[JeanLynn81]

Sorry but its 4am, and I can't sleep and have alot on my mind. I don't want to wake anyone up so I thought I'd write a bit here.

I am so, so scared this time. My mom is in critical care. They asked questions this time that they have never asked before. They brought out the poa paperwork for my brother and had her make her wishes known about life support (which she doesn't want). I am scared because I know she is ready to go. She told me two days ago that she thinks she's close to dying because her mom has been visiting in dreams.

And I know I've had time to come to terms with this, but I'm not dealing very well. My fear and my grief run so deep that I feel like...well I don't know how to describe it.

I don't want my mom to die. I'm not ready for it...my daughter isn't ready. I want her to have some real, solid memories of the wonderful woman I love so dearly. I want my mom to be there for her first day of school.

But, I also want her pain to go away. She's so tired of fighting...as she has fought so hard her whole life. She has always been used as an emotional punching bag...and she's gotten through the worst of times. Such a wonderful woman who does NOT DESERVE this. No one does. Cancer is an awful, awful painful way to go. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

And then, there are so many things I want to say to her, and I'm worried I might not get the time to say them. I am so sorry for the way I have treated her in the past. I want her to know how much she means to me. I've never been one to get emotional...I'm not a "huggy" person. But I want her to know those things now. I need to tell her.

Anyways, sorry for the erratic, ramblin' post...but my thoughts are just so all over the place right now. But thanks for the prayers and support.

[mcmama]

Sweetie, we luv ya. You know that and we have your back with the prayers.

No one likes the poa/advance directive paperwork. When I brought it out before going into the hospital in 2007, my kids really tried to dodge it (ages 16 and 22 at the time). My friend who is their godmother, an episcopal priest, made the oldest sit down and read it - and had the real conversation with him that I wasn't just being dramatic.

Of course, I wanted EVERY MEANS POSSIBLE to be kept alive - and I didn't want them to listen to the voices around them that I knew would say "oh well, she wouldn't want this". This is because in my early 50s, there was an excellent chance of recovery.

Pneumonia in seriously ill people is often an opportunistic infection which happens because the body is weakened by something else. In your mom's case, it is cancer. Her body cannot fight off infections, and so it progresses fast. Cancer brings on organ failure, wasting, etc . That's the cruel thing about it - after all the surgery, chemo, diet changes, post op complications, side effects, your body just gets to shut off normal functions, and that is very difficult for family to watch. We always wonder what we could do or have done about that. And the answer is, you are doing the best you can. You are doing better than most people.

Take the time now to spend extra time with her. Maybe there are some things she wants to tell you too. Even if it means someone else has to take care of Alyssa for a few hours, or you miss work. This is a very important time for you both

[JeanLynn81]

Hey everyone...just here to update.

My mom has really bad pneumonia, and is only using about 10% of her lung capacity. Fortunately she is not on a ventilator, but they are pumping the MAX amount of oxygen they can through her mask. She seems to be doing ok with that right now.

Unfortunately, the illness took its toll on my mother's heart. She had a minor heart attack the day she went into the hospital. They have her on nitro glycerin patches because she is HIGH RISK for another heart attack right now. Yesterday they tried to get her up from the bed and into the chair in her room, and her heartrate climbed so fast that it worried them and she had to lay right back down. SO as of now she is bedridden. They are doing everything they can for her heart, but if there's no improvement, I just don't know why she would fight to be bedridden they rest of her life.

They had someone come in yesterday and discuss my mother's option's and wishes. She wants the ventilator if they feel she will improve by being on it, but she does not want any extra effort to be made if she is dying. No shocks or life support other than a ventilator for recovery purposes.

The nurse also discussed with us privately, that she does have the option to decide to go home, on hospice, and they can just keep her comfortable until she passes.

BUT MY MOM IS A FIGHTER!!!! So that's not an option for her right now. Keep the prayers coming because she's not ready to give up yet. Thanks!